Gay or not gay, that is the question

[learningtofly]

Well, this is my first post, and also the first time I'm ever admitting to anyone other than myself that I'm gay. Anyway I work at a retirement community as a waiter. There's a guy there who works as a cook help/ dishwasher. He recently broke up with a different friend of mine who also is a waitress at the community. Lately he's been acting really strange around me, and I've tried to watch him and he doesn't act that way around anyone els. Like today he told a different waitress (not really the gossiping type) to tell me that he loves me, he's also been making eyes at me lately. The only problem is both of us are way too busy to really even talk. There's no time for him to be able to send me little hints like staring or getting closer than necessary. Is there any way to tell if he's into me? I am good friends with his ex and I guess that they are still friends. Any suggestions?

[Broken_Doll_ParTs]

Never mess with friend's exs, thats the only advice I could give you. Trust me, taking a risk with a new relationship isnt worth losing a good friendship

[learningtofly]

She's not really the possessive type. And they weren't together for very long. She also has had a bf since him (another one of my friends that she's already broken up with.)

[Broken_Doll_ParTs]

But would she mind if you took the risk of having a relationship (or even establishing a serious relationship) with her ex? I know heaps of girls and guys who dont like their friends dating their exs.

[learningtofly]

She wouldn't mind. She's not at all possessive and is still friends with Adam (guy I like) and Bryan (friend she broke up with). Also, how can I be sure he's really flirting and not just fooling around?

[lukeb]

Sounds like you're only just coming out of the closet and you're doing what many do to see if there are more out there. I think you're playing a bit of a dangerous game, flirting with co-workers who may or may not be gay. I would say see if there are any support groups out there where you can meet guys in a safe environment. If you really want to know if he is gay, ask him. If you don't feel comfortable doing that then let it be.

[Flux]

This has gone a little off topic. :S

 

It sounds to me like hes straight.

 

However, if he is acting differently towards you, there is probably a reason for it. I would recommend trying to find out why he is acting weird around you before you try and find out if he is interested.

 

Good luck

[LittleMissMaya]

Hi there...I am new to these forums and ran accross this thread. My feeling is that, while I think it is admirable for people not to pursue friends' ex bf/gfs, I don't think you should not go for someone you have feelings for just because someone you are friends with used to be with that person. It might be different if it is your sister's ex (MAYBE), but anything other than that would be denying yourself for no good reason, IMHO.

 

Whether or not he is gay is another story--but if you like him and feel the feeling may be mutual, I'd urge you not to deny yourself the opp to find out. It may not turn out like you'd like for it to, but I wouldn't hold back. I think that you always need to put yourself first. If we all put someone else before us, none of us would ever get what we want.

 

Plus, he is no longer with the waitress. So, what's the prob, really?

 

The one thing that I would watch out for is the fact that if he happens to be straight, but told someone to tell you that he fancies you--well, that would make him a pretty horrible person that doesn't care about whether or not your feelings are eventually hurt. So, if you pursue him and find that he is straight, please don't be too hurt--think of him as a total jerk!

 

I was scanning the threads in the GLBT section b/c someone suggested in the Shy Dating forum that the man I'm interested in may be gay. I think that shy men are often mistaken for gay, because they aren't quick to paw the female in question--so I am quite certain that he is not gay--but the thought did cross my mind. If anyone here would like to read my saga and comment, please feel free! So sorry, my intent wasn't to hijack your thread--I just really wanted to comment on your situation, as I hated to read that you would consider not going for something you want out of respect for someone else who isn't even with that person anymore. I think you should put yourself first!