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Should I dump my b/f or give him another chance?


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I've begun to think about dumping my b/f after he acted like an idiot at a dinner with my family yesterday (first time meeting parents). These are just some of the stupid things he did:


1. He showed up 20min late.

My family had to worry about me waiting outside the restaurant by myself in nice clothes at night, so my mom came and waited with me after 5min.


2. He didn’t smile at all when he saw me and my mom. He looked like he didn’t wanna be there!


3. He didn’t open the door for us. He let my mom walked ahead of him.


4. He didn’t clean up his black sweater with tape; it looked dirty.


5. When mom commented on how she didn’t like me to do too much housework at home, he looked very unhappy, as if “he would rather let me be a slaving housewife” when we get married (in mom’s words). Mom was especially concerned about this fact.


6. When leaving, he didn’t help me wear my coat. He wore his coat first; mom had to help me wear mine.



All in all, my family thought he is a very immature boy (which I'm starting to see). They also didn’t like how he “exaggerated” his family’s wealth… they told me they get the feeling that his family business is not as good as he boasts it is.


Anyhow, I'm just so pissed at his behaviour last night..... should I dump him though, or give him another chance to meet my family and improve imself?

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how is the relationship otherwise? ok, so maybe he could use a few courses at a 'finishing school' but is he really a bad guy? i don't like the kitchen slaving comment though - unless he was trying to be funny and the joke didn't go over so well.... but the not holding the door open and doing the jacket thing, a lot of guys don't do that. some women get offended when men open doors, others don't, how's a man supposed to know?

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I agree with summerpeach. Sounds like you and your family have rigid thoughts on how a man should act. Most men don't even know about tape on a black sweater.


Did any of you ask why he was late? did any of you wonder if he might have had something going on or if his car broke down...or...did you even ask and act concerned?


If you want to break up with him over this perhaps yuo should. Maybe his standards of etiquette are not rigid enough for yours. I see nothing in this post that would warrant a break up. Being a little disappointed maybe, but breaking up? isn't that a little over the top?

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Instead of dumping him, why not talk to him about what happened. His behaviour was indeed rude. The fact that you are wondering whether or not to dump him suggests that this is not the first time he has behaved rather rudely. How does he treat you generally? You don't dump someone if they act obnoxious every so often..you dump them if they are routinely obnoxious and disrespectful.


I'd also like to know if this is routine, because if it isn't dumping him is a serious debate to be having.


I still wonder if anyone even asked him why he was late and if he had some difficulties, or if everyone just assumed he was late to inconvenience them. If my husband were late i'd be worried that he might have run into something unforeseen vs being irate right off the bat.


And my husband has never used tape on a black sweater. he's adorable anyway. He is the type to show up with dog hair on his sweater and that's ok too....we live with dogs. LOL


Oh and i have to be honest - there were many a time in my life when i had dinner with in laws where i probably looked like i didn't want to be there.

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I asked him and he said he left his house 15min beforehand (which both him and I know is too short to get to the restaurant---it takes about 30min to get there and he's been there before). So it was a timing problem on his part.


I must admit that was not the first time he was late.... he's been late on a couple of dates before that too. But I didn't think he would be so inconsiderate ESPECIALLY when he knew it was the first time meeting my family!

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Some guys (and gals) are not punctual. Only you can decide if this is a dealbreaker for you or not.


I am going to be honest in saying that your list of what he did wrong in your first post seems awful rigid. It could be that you both are from different backgrounds and your priorities are different.


You say you are both 20. My son is almost 20. He is a good kid, but i could see him being guilty of all of those things on a meet up with his g/f's parents. He is 20 and not really always thinking about things like etiquette or tape on black sweaters. But when it comes to the meat of how to be good to his g/f he is great.....but if his girlfriend was very rigid they'd fail.


YOu guys are 20. Many 20 year old guys let the women go out the door first and have fuzz on sweaters. Many 20 year old guys are a little late. None of this that you mentioned is earth shattering, but if these are really your priorities then he might not be the guy for you.


I do know if i were the mom in this situtation and that were my 20 year old daughter's b/f i'd be a little more relaxed about it.

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I would find the being late thing annoying, particularly since you were introducing him to his parents.


But I find the somewhat conflicting expectations interesting. On the one hand you and your mother expect him to adopt the old-fashioned male/female courtesies in holding doors open and helping you on with your coat but also expect him to accept the modern equalities regarding housework.

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Sounds like you and your family are very big on a certain kind of etiquette. You should probably dump him as he probably will not live up to it. I know of very few guys who always open doors and help "ladies" on with their coats at the age of twenty.


Are you the type to have come out at a debutante ball?


BTW, no, he should not have been late to meet your parents, but sometimes it happens.

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4. He didn’t clean up his black sweater with tape; it looked dirty.


6. When leaving, he didn’t help me wear my coat. He wore his coat first; mom had to help me wear mine.


These two are petty. A guy can't think of everything all the time and always be a perfect gentleman! Maybe he WAS nervous. The other stuff I can't comment on, but dumping him over things like this?

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