star18 Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 hi everyone. earlier this week i posted in cyber relationships, but i guess long-distance relationships is also a major factor. i met this guy online through a friend and we've been chatting for about a year now and are planning to try and meet up next month. i used to live about 40 miles from him but have since moved so am around 90 miles from him now. i know its not a huge distance, but as neither of us drive and public transport isn't that great it does prove a problem. i'm just looking for advice really as we have been contemplating becoming an item once we've met each other in person. we just get on so well and can be 100% ourselves when we talk to one another that i am actually beginning to think i have found THE ONE! even our friend has said how strange it is that we can be so open with one another and infact no more about each other than our mutual friend does! so can anyone give me advice as to what to expect and how to cope with long distance relationships. i know the distance is overcomable, and that we should see what happens when we do meet in person, but i just want to be prepared. so far i haven't told my mum about him as i am a very private person when it comes to my parents. in know i need to tell her but at the moment i have no idea as to how! i mean we do have a good mother/daughter relationship but i don't feel i can really open up to her. so if anyone has any advice regarding LDR- what to expect and how to overcome the distance, or even how to open up to my mum!! then i would really appreciate it. thank you Link to comment
Jayar Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 LDR's can work really well when they.... Uh... Work. What I mean is, when things are good, the distance doesn't even feel that big a deal. Things like watching television together even... It makes you feel like you're right beside him, with your head on his chest as he plays with your hair and you listen to his heart beat. But when things are NOT so good (like when you're in a fight, or you can't reach him... Or you're in a fight AND cannot reach him) you two may as well be on different planets. You will never feel further from a person in your whole life, than you will from him if you are worried about the fate of your relationship and he is AWOL. That being said, despite the fact that I have yet to experience an LDR that works, I'd do it again. Distance would never be the determining factor for me in pursuing a relationship. Believe me, I know (possibly more than anyone) that the perfect person for you might not be in your back yard. Good luck! Link to comment
toshiba Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 I don't want to sound like a pessimist but LDR's thrive on fantasy. You're saying how you think he's the one and yet you haven't even met him yet. LDR's tend to have that effect. Our imaginations soar. A problem with LDR's is that when the people see each other, it's like they're on vacation. You don't really get to see how the person is on a normal day-to-day basis and that can be an entirely different story. And people who are comfortable with LDR's are usually people who want to keep people at arm's length. Sometimes they're commitment-phobes. That can be ok if both people don't mind keeping each other at arms length but oftentimes one person wants more. Those are just a few problems I've experienced with them. Tread lightly. Link to comment
Jayar Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 I do think it's important in an LDR to have a viable plan to make it a local relationship as soon as possible. For instance, there should be some sort of logical progression towards a local relationship immediately prior to marriage. Link to comment
star18 Posted November 24, 2007 Author Share Posted November 24, 2007 what i meant by saying "i'm beginning to think he's the one" is that i find it hard to believe how easy it is for both of us to be ourselves to one another. we don't worry about how the other will react as we just accept each other for who we really are. and because of this, there is a bond that i have never experienced with anyone else in my life. "I do think it's important in an LDR to have a viable plan to make it a local relationship as soon as possible. For instance, once both parties are finished school there should be some sort of logical progression towards a local relationship immediately prior to marriage." i completely agree that there has to be a plan for the relatively near future for us to move nearer to one another (if it progresses that far) and i have always planned to move back there in a few years- i moved away with my parents after i finished my a levels, and i knew instantly- regardless of what happens, that i will move back there once i figure out the plan for my life. ie a career. Link to comment
toshiba Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 what i meant by saying "i'm beginning to think he's the one" is that i find it hard to believe how easy it is for both of us to be ourselves to one another. we don't worry about how the other will react as we just accept each other for who we really are. and because of this, there is a bond that i have never experienced with anyone else in my life. I knew what you meant.....for some reason though, that feeling tends to happen more often when I person is LD. But who knows...it could work out fine. Link to comment
Jayar Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 what i meant by saying "i'm beginning to think he's the one" is that i find it hard to believe how easy it is for both of us to be ourselves to one another. we don't worry about how the other will react as we just accept each other for who we really are. and because of this, there is a bond that i have never experienced with anyone else in my life. You know, I'm going to just edit my response here. I'm unusually pessimistic today. I should probably stay out of the LDR forum... Or, hell, off ENA completely. So instead I will tell you, best of luck! There's nothing quite like falling in love with someone who makes you feel like you're living in a dream. Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 Don't run before you can walk. Although he seems wonderful, you don't know what he will be like when you meet up. Sure, he'll be something of what you know online, but he may not be exactly the same and you may not click. Link to comment
star18 Posted November 24, 2007 Author Share Posted November 24, 2007 Don't run before you can walk. Although he seems wonderful, you don't know what he will be like when you meet up. Sure, he'll be something of what you know online, but he may not be exactly the same and you may not click. i know that we need to meet before we decide to take it to the next level but at the same time i would to know a bit more about what a LDR is really like, what i can expect etc. i understand completely that we may meet each other and decide that we don't even want to remain friends, but it can't harm finding out a bit more about LDRs. can it? Link to comment
toshiba Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 but it can't harm finding out a bit more about LDRs. can it? ....said Red Riding Hood as she walked up to the wolf's door...... lol...I'm sorry...just ignore me. I had a bad experience and so have others that I've known but who knows, I might try it again. Link to comment
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