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What is with all these emotions?


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I feel like a basket-case! The whole Christmas thing is really dragging me down this year. My bf and I went Christmas shopping today, and while we found lots of good stuff for his family, I realized that I had no clue what to get any of my family members, and that I'm probably not going to see them anyways. My Mom lives 30 mins away, and last time I saw her was last Christmas. My Dad doesn't answer my emails, and he forgets all about me. I can't believe that he calls my little brother and my older brother, but never calls me. I honestly can't remember the last time he called me. Only time he communicated with my in the past 6 months was to ask what my SIN number is, so he can transfer some education funds to a new account. At this point, with no relationship whatsoever with him, I don't want his damn money. I earn my own money, and if I have to use student loans each year, so be it. He just makes me soo angry. My sister is in Australia. She's gone for a year, and will be back in March. I miss her so much lately. I thought about sending her something for christmas, but can't really think of anything that's small and light. I'm a poor student, so shipping to Oz is a bit out of my reach right now!


I was looking forward to shopping, but the whole thing depressed me. I really just feel like having a good cry. Why don't I have parents like other people? Why don't I have a real family? I have a particularly great friend, and I have a great boyfriend, and his family all kind of accepts me as part of the group. But, seeing them all together, hearing how they talk on the phone at least once a week, say I love you, and are close...it hurts, and it is getting harder and harder to deal with. I just don't understand why I don't get a slice of that pie. Christmas just isn't Christmas anymore. I suppose I'm also emotional because it's the end of the semester, projects are due soon, exams are coming right up, and I somehow volunteered to work nearly full time for the entire month of December.... but I am getting really sick and tired of how all the sentimental Christmas songs just make me want to cry! That can't be happening at work!

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Sad. I can totally relate, my family is anything but perfect. Everyone looks at my family thinks its so wonderful. My dad never raised me except throw money at me, and the only reason my mom didnt file for divorce is so I could have a family growing up.


Especially at this time of year, focus on the people around you that do care about you. Forget the others, the only thing they can give you is gray hair and wrinkles. Spend time with your bf and your friends. Dont let the people who bother you isolate you from the people you love.

feel free to pm.

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