She'll date but no go long term?

[scohr]

I asked this girl on a date about a month ago(we'd hung out a few times before), and she said she's ok with dating, but she doesn't want to go out. She just wants to "" Is it a game or is she serious? Don't you generally date in order to find a future SO? Also does that mean she'd be willing to get physical (maybe friends w/ benefits?) so long as it isn't emotional?

 

She said: A date is okay, I don't mind that. Just that my intentions are to hang out and do something.

I replied that I would be fine just doing stuff, but that I may be looking for a long term relationship, although not necessarilywith her.

She replied: well in that case, maybe you should look for the long term part elsewhere, although im down for the doing stuffs part

 

 

I kinda stayed away from her for a few wks, but then we hung out a few times recently. The last time, she said that I had "special qualities that no other person has" and that it would be really cool if we went to the same graduate school together. She asked to see my place that night, and while we were watching a movie, leaned against my shoulder. But I didn't make a move because I thought she wasn't interested in long term. What's what?

[someguy88]

I'm having a hard time understanding what your problem is? She said pretty clearly that she's only up for "stuff". Either you accept that or you don't.

[scohr]

Is a fling a possibility then?

[browneyedgirl36]

If she wants just a fling, yes. Is that what you want? If you're OK with that, then ask her if she's OK with it and see what she says.

 

It sounds, though, as if you want more. Don't *settle* for a fling if what you really want is a relationship. And, by all means, don't enter into a *fling* thinking it will turn into a relationship. It COULD work out that way, but it rarely does.

[Gracelove]

It's definitely not a game, otherwise she wouldn't have told you upfront.

 

Some women just aren't ready to settle down. They are ambitious when it comes to their career, etc.

 

They want to date before settling down because they have a lot of options. They don't want to settle for the first person they see. Or the first person they feel a connection with.

 

Dating is all about finding the best mate for you. It sounds like she is being smart about dating.

[itsallgrand]

She's simply telling you she can't give you what you obviously want.

 

I don't see the point in you spending any time dating her. To her, she wants a buddy to take her places and do things with. If that leads to bed, that is fine with her.

 

But she has told you she can't give commitment. She can't give emotional attachment and care.

 

Carry on and be glad she is blunt.

[scohr]

So you're saying she's just out to explore, maybe get physical with a few guys, but not get into a relationship?

 

Actually I decided to add this to the original post. Sorry for not saying so earlier.

[scohr]

It just seems that what she said a month later doesn't really jive. Maybe she changed her mind?

[LBP]

It's definitely not a game, otherwise she wouldn't have told you upfront.

 

Some women just aren't ready to settle down. They are ambitious when it comes to their career, etc.

 

They want to date before settling down because they have a lot of options. They don't want to settle for the first person they see. Or the first person they feel a connection with.

 

Dating is all about finding the best mate for you. It sounds like she is being smart about dating.

 

Interesting perspective on this situation. What's the difference between being discriminating and being afraid of commitment?

 

I've found that when a guy chooses to sleep around and do what he wants he's classified as afraid of commitment. I'm slowly falling into this territory myself, though my refusal to lie does hinder me somewhat. That's a digression. But if a girl dates around and "tests the waters" she's considered intelligent for playing the field and getting the best she can get.

 

Does it matter that, when she comes accross a man who is completely satisfied by her and responds to her positive stimulus, there is inevitable pain for that person because of her unwillingness to "settle"? Does that mean that a man looking for a long term relationship with an ambitious career woman shouldn't bother until such a woman is nearing or into her early thirties?

[Dating Coach]

It appears she's not willing to give you what you are looking for. If you are going into this hoping for a relationship then what you will find is heartache. She however, will be getting exactly what she wants... a guy to flatter her, make her feel good, take her out, give her attention, etc and she doesn't have to give back.

 

IMO, if I were you I would take her out and have a good time. However I would NOT pay for her. I would NOT be her phone buddy. I would NOT be her therapist/shoulder to cry on, etc. I would be just the guy that will go out with her, have a blast, fool around, etc. If she was unwilling to do that then I would completely move on... because what would be in it for me? Am I supposed to take her out, show her a good time, pay for her, etc and not get anything out of it? Sorry. No way. I'm no sucker.

[ghost69]

sounds like she isn't ready to make it official. at least not with you. it's your call. you don't get what you want out of it, how long will you hold out if it doesn't go your way?