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Do I have a chance or just learn to let go


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I have posted on here before but just a little story of what has happened.


I broke up with my ex about 5 months ago after being together for about 12 months.


About a month after we broke up, we decided to be friends which was all good but it got more than that after a while. We went on a holiday for 4 days a couple of weeks ago where I asked him where our relationship is going, he replied back with he doesnt know what he wants, lets wait until after Xmas and see where it goes from there.


When we got home, I tried calling him, texting and emailing him but did not receive a response, that was 10 days ago until this morning.


I received a text message saying "Hey, sorry I havent replied, have been away. I've spent time thinking about you heaps, you deserve more than i can give. I really like you, but for me there isn't that spark that needs to be there. I'd still like to be friends, Im not seeing anyone else. I want you to be happy and I cant give you what you want, I'm sorry!"


I take it this means there is no hope for me. I really want to be with this guys To get someone back is it better to go LC so you are still in their life so they don't forget about u? What can I do from here?

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I think you should cut your losses and move on. He has told you that the attraction is not there, and secondly the fact that he told you to wait until after Xmas to see what happens, and then after you come off holiday where you guys were probably intimate he doesn't respond to any attempts at communication I think he's not being truthful about not seeing anybody else I personally think he was weighing his options.

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The most empowering attractive and HEALING thing to do would be to set your own standards and values for your heart by writing back to him something along the lines of:


"Thank you for your message, I hear your honesty and respect it, so please respect my feelings about being "just friends" because that would't be a sincere choice for me right now after all the intamcy we have recently shared. If you discover that you want to make an intentional effort about us as a couple then I'd be willing to talk, I hope you find your happiness".


Does that sound honest for you to say?


Yes I know you're afraid to have those standards for yourself, but if you don't set them for yourself then know one else will...


I know you're also afraid of not being "the nice one" and you like 'being there" for him as a "friend" but be honest with yourself, that is not a sincere or healthy choice for your own heart. Staying in touch with an ex out of fear that you might lose him is NOT a healing or self respecting choice.


It's time for him to live with the consequences of HIS choice of not wanting "more" with you... and that means he no longer has the honor of your precious heart in his life, that is the only way for him to "discover" IF he has any deeper feelings.


Now is NOT the time for you to RE-DEFINE yourself in his life as a "friend" because it's not what you really want from this, so doing so will only lead to your own disappointment and resentment.


I know it's tough to walk away, but it's important to separate your "feelings and fears" from the "facts" here, you "feel" and expected him to be "more" in your life, but the FACT is he is not making an intentinal effort to cherish your precious heart..and that is HIS loss, not yours..


You have to start looking at this as YOU are NOT interested in any wishy-washy guy who says lame things like: "I can't give you what you want".. translation is: "I'm too immature and non-commital" to CHOOSE to work at this... because the FACT is he can give you what you want.. he's just not willing to do so.. and that's just how some guys are... so don't take what he says personally in a negative or positive way.. because his choices say so much more about him than they do about you...


Any guy who chose to be intimate with you and didn't even know what he was really feeling was not being very respectful, and you can now choose to learn from this and not allow yourself to give your heart, mind, body to ANY man who is "not sure" what he wants from a relationship with you... of course no guy can "guarentee" his love, but at least he would be sure of what his intentions are and be honest with a woman in the first place...and not just take advantage of her willingness and risk her heart at the same time for his own needs or curiosity.


Just think about it, would you have spent a four day holiday with a guy who said to you: "hey I want to spend time with you, see how it goes, test it out, be intimate, BUT I might want to wait a few more months BEFORE I decide where it's going... YUK...isn't that doing things BACKWARDS? He already knew you, loved you, and knew how you were feeling...but it's also that you were willing to try and hanging on to your hope and what you thought his "potential" could be.. or "pass his test"...


well he's FAILED YOUR TEST now.. meaning he's not intentionally making an effort to be in your ife within a committed relationship...because he "can't (won't) give you what you want" so for him I say: BUZZER SOUND: wrong answer


take care of yourself, set some values and standards about what YOU want within a relationship...and know that you are worthy of a man who is intentionally cherishing your heart as much as you would his... but of course it has to start with you cherishing yourself first.


You're going to grow past this temporary heartache concerning this guy, he's no longer worthy of your attention or your energy. Take care of you right now.. be your own "friend" and let go with love and IF he's ever truly meant to be in your life the way you desire he'll have to pursue you and win back YOUR heart.. and that starts with you loving yourself enough to not settle for "friend crumbs" you deserve the "whole cake". and he "can't give it to you".... ugh.. you're better off, you tried, you loved, you learned, you're moving on to the wonderful discovery of your own strength to get through this with self respect and amazing love in your future.

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Since you made an attempt to call him and now responding stating he was away and stating that he is not seeing anyone yeah right. I don;t buy it. He wants to play the field and he thinks the grass is greener on the other side, and he will find out real hard it is not.


Make him think tiwce for the loss. I would either not respond and go NC or respond at your own will, but make it short. You can tell him his loss not yours.


I agree with the other people have said, take time for yourself and don;t jump into another relationship. Keep yourself busy and I know it is the worst time for someone to say this to you around the holidays. It really stinks and give us guys a bad name.


In my opinion he does not deserve your respect and taking going away for 4 days and does not respond till 10 days later and stating does not know what he wants, is a cop out. He needs a slap in the head to wake up and smell the coffee.


If you want to talk you can PM me. Keep us posted on how you are feeling.

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I disagree that he is lying...


Maybe I'm niave but I tend to think that people are basically good.


My ex broke up with me and there was no one else... he didn't even date for 8 months. He was under a lot of stress and things just didn't feel right to him (we were having a bump in the road with communication.)


Walk away. Don't give him a second thought. He did think about you alot - like my ex did. I stuck around and placed too much pressure on him and he folded for good. If I had just walked away I'm almost certain he would have come back despite what he otherwise told me (just a feeling after a talk we had and a talk with his friend.)


I don't know what will happen but definitely drop out of the picture... you crossed his mind once and I'm sure it will happen again.


Be strong... move forward... start dating and getting out there... don't look back... always look forward... and maybe he'll contact you at some point in the future... just don't hold out waiting for him.


Best Wishes!

Stay Strong!

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Though I am inclined to think that something is going on and this was his last ditch effort to see who he wanted.

Unforetunately I just had the exact same happen to me! I feel like an a$$

We went to mexico for ten days, to supposedly work it all out and , she said she wanted it all , a lifetime and the love and way I treat her and make her feel!

physicaly and emotionaly

And the last day woke up and said it was over and we were done!

Let me tell you I have never felt like such a piece of meet in my life!

She knew what I wanted and what I was expecting and led me all the way down that path and then treated me like I wasn't even ever there!

I mean this was A physical trip! was about sex and only sex no that I look at it!

And very well was his intentions as well!

Let it go!'

If you love him and can tolerate what has happened and he comes back

I would make him jump through quite a feew hoops. i.e. lil tests for your sake!

By that I mean put him on the ropes, the chase so to speak!

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You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.


Right now, you should be your top priority in this situation. Being friends with him in my opinion is not a good idea right now. Sure it will hurt for a little while, but it will feel alot better then being with someone who does not want to be with you.


Every minute you waist on this guy, is a minute less that you have to find the guy that wants to love you and be with you.


It seems that the guy was tryin to tell you nicely that you are a great person, but he is just not into you anymore ...there is nothing wrong with that. Just be thankful that he told you. Now do not waist any more of your time and love on this guy ...

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Thank you for all your advice. I know what you have all said is right I just needed to see it in black and white I suppose. Not having anything more to do with him is going to be extremely hard. There were bad times like this but there were so many good times too but no point holding onto the past


I agree that friends isn't really an option but I wanted him to say that he wants to be friends so I know he doesn't hate me as it would be harder to move on if I knew he didn't like me if that makes any sense.


It is going to be all about me now. I have joined the gym and going to lose some weight and gain me back. I then would like to catch up with him in a few months time just to show him what he has missed out on. Don't think I'm doing this for him, I'm not, this is all about me but I also want him to rethink again about what he has lost.

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