Have I become a back up?

[some-guy]

I was dating a woman for 3 months but the last month she got distant the told me she didnt want a commitment and needed time to hang out with her friends. Well her friend is her abusive ex boyfriend. I saw her hanging out with him the other day and couldnt talk because I had such strong feelings and was hurt... She wrote this little email to me today. She still wants to be friends with me but it sounds like she is thinking of getting back together with him. She wants to hang out with me next week now. I dont think I can do this though, I feel like a backup.

 

" J and I have a long history. Yes a lot involves hurt but the core is that we were good friends. I have decided that I enjoy his friendship as long as that its NOT complicated. And who knows it could start to be less fun and that is when my boundries go up."

[Entropy Smith]

If you want to make the 1st team go no contact. When she starts contacting you be civil, polite, and seem over it. But still don't hang out wtih her. And don't contact her.

 

Just know that if you get her back, you'll have to play constant games, much like the abusive boyfriend can give, in order to keep her.

[Aurian]

I think she just doesn`t know what the hell she wants. Realistically, you can`t be friends with someone who has abused you. He is probably behaving himself for now, she`ll fall for it, and then he`ll revert to his previous behaviour. Even in that email she admits she is waiting for him to revert to type!

 

If you don`t want to be just friends with her, that is your right. You can decide if you want to watch this happen or move yourself into low or no contact to protect your own self.

[SW]

I'm so tired of dating women that know what they want, I know what I want. I just want a normal loving realationship , is always this hard?

 

She used to call him crazy up until a few weeks ago, now she has chosen to hang out with him over me until he goes crazy again? Then she'll come running back to me. The hell with that!!

[Aurian]

I`m sorry SW. There are women out there who know what they want too.

[annie24]

She has some serious problems, if she is leaving a good guy so she can be "friends" with her ex-abuser. She needs a therapist. You need to let go of her, and tell her why. I don't think you should deal with this. Seriously, this woman has some problems. Stay away!

[missklew]

This girl is using you as an emotional tampon.

 

Don't let her. I bet if you were cold and mean to her she would be following you around like a dog licking your feet. She seems to be wired that way.