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first-year college long distance problems

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after only going out since the spring of our senior year, and only knowing each other for a short while before that, my boyfriend and i decided to try the long distance thing when we went away to school. (he's east coast and i'm midwest). things were great the first few months of school, but before christmas, he got into some fraternity related trouble at school which lowered his already low self-esteem even lower. since returning from christmas break it has been an on-going cycle of fighting, mostly concerning the amount of time we talk. between schoolwork, being an athlete, and the trouble he is in, he says he is trying his hardest, but i can't help but question it...this week for example we went almost 5 full days without even speaking a word to eachother, not even over the computer. i wrote an email and left a phone message and he never responded. i thought i was being pretty lenient about it, to say the least. when i finally got in touch with him he said he was planning on calling me the next day and had jsut had a super busy week. then tonight, we had another argument. i don't know what to do--we have discussed 'taking a break' numerous times, but it's not something i'm really interested in. as he says, 'i'm an all or nothing girl' and although he might not be able to give me what i want right now, he's hoping i will stick by him during this hard time. but what about my hard time?? he claims he has not 5 minutes of his day free. i know when we go home, things will be amazing, as they have been all the other breaks. should i jsut ignore his signs of disinterest and jsut be a trooper for the next 5 weeks until school ends? i feel like whenever i try to investigate further, he says that he wants to be with me, just he can't compromise other aspects of his life. still, everyone i talk to finds some of his behavior towards me to be odd, since our time together is limited as it is. uggg. . .i'm SO confused. . .i feel like i'm been in a rut with this boy the past 2 months and jsut can't seem to get out. we both say we want to be with each other, yet we keep arguing. our relationship, which used to be an outlet for stress, is now a source of it. i know part of this has to do with my age, but i still love him more than anything, and he says the same about me. any advice would be greatly appreciated. . .

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  • 2 weeks later...

I know how you feel. I've been in several long distance relationships. You have to be able to talk a lot for them to work. My old highschool band director has said many words of wisdom, one being "We make time for what we WANT to make time for" It sounds to me like he's pushing you out of his life and your relationship has gotten one sided. I understand if he's busy, but any guy can stay awake a few minutes to write an E-mail or call. You can't always assume the worst in these situations, yet you can't be sure that nothing is going on. If you are sure you can trust him, tell him that you are upset and give him another chance to make more of an effort. tell him he needs to talk to you more. The fact that he doesn't have time for you is BS. Don't believe it. if he keeps insisting on that, then there's something else bothering him and he's just trying to make excuses. Just do what you feel is right in your heart. One can only be ignored for so long.

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  • 1 month later...

Hey Girl,


Im sorry that you have to go through with this, I have been in the same postion as you. and sometimes its just space they need and some other times its just there not really sure what they want. I was in a long distance relationship for 7 months or more and we didnt argue much, but there was always alot or tension there which isnt good and there was a lack of communication.But during the last year i have found a guy which ive been with now for over a yr and we only see each other twice a month and we have went months without seeing each other. And we also have went through very very hard times in both of our lives but we got though it by sticking ym one another and talking about our problems. I know its aveyr very hard sometimes and sometimes u may just feel like u need a brake or u just wanna give up cause ur tired of all of it. But just try to understand him a bit more and let him understand you, tell him what u need let him tell u what he needs and work somethings out. im sure if you have more communtication it will work out perfectly!


Best Of Luck,


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