Can I be friends with a guy?

[saiveca]

I'm 32 years old, married with a beautiful daughter.

 

Most of my friends were always men. I just feel more comfortable with them. Because of my baby I haven't gone out very often in the past couple of years. I've met a really cool guy at the office and I feel we could have fun over drinks and dinner.

 

Would he think that I'm asking him out on a date if I propose dinner? Since I'm married, is it safe to assume that he knows I just want to be friends? Or should I have the "talk" with him right off the bat?

 

Caroline

[suresuresure]

My advice would be to do it only if you tell your husband first and make it obvious to the guy, in some way, that you just want to be friends with him. Also make sure that your feelings are platonic, because sometimes people use that as a rationalization for hanging out with someone they're attracted to.

 

But the bottom line is you gotta tell your husband, cause if he isn't privy to the situation then it's definitely a recipe for bad news.

[Firehawk13]

As suresuresure said, I'd definitely say discussing this with your husband before anything else to make sure he's okay with it would be best.

 

As for dinner, I think I'd tell you to drop some not-so-subtle hints that you're very happy with your marriage and child, and then later invite him to dinner as friends. Other than that, as long as you don't lead him on or you don't feel he's getting the wrong impression, there's nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender

[saiveca]

My advice would be to do it only if you tell your husband first and make it obvious to the guy, in some way, that you just want to be friends with him. Also make sure that your feelings are platonic, because sometimes people use that as a rationalization for hanging out with someone they're attracted to.

 

But the bottom line is you gotta tell your husband, cause if he isn't privy to the situation then it's definitely a recipe for bad news.

 

Thank you.

 

How do I tell the guy I just want to be friends without being pretendious or hurting his feelings?

 

How would most husbands react in this situation?

[LBP]

At my work I have lots of friends who are attractive, married women. If he knows your married that should be enough. If it isn't then I doubt he's the kinda guy you'd want to be friends with anyway.

[Lucy_lou]

This is an interesting situation. I have similar issues. Always about societies assumptions getting in the way of making opposite sex friends.

 

I think sheer defiance is the way to go. Don't let the fear undermine what you know is a totally normal and legitimate thing, asking a friend if they want to go out for dinner.

 

a while ago a new (almost) friend asked if I'd like to come over for dinner some time (it never eventuated, but that's not the point). And in many ways, it might have had the potential to look odd. I'm a young attractive woman, and he's an older, and in some ways a bit down and out guy, who has a partner. But because neither of us were willing to let appearances get in the way of what we both knew was normal and platonic, we didn't bother to justify anything. Confidence, is what I'm saying.

[Brightest Dark]

Why do you want to hang out with another man rather than your husband? I would definitely make sure it is ok with your husband first. He may feel threatened.

 

Re. the guy - why do you want dinner with him? Any other way you can hang out with him? Dinner DOES sound too much like a date. Find out if he has any hobbies and maybe get to know him another way and hang out with him in some other manner. Meet him for lunch rather than dinner. That is possibly less of a date signal and more of a friendship thing. I do think you need to make him aware you only see him as a friend though. Guys can get the wrong impression. You should make it clear from the start. Say something like 'hey, we should hang out as friends sometime'. Why not take your husband too?

[someguy88]

I'm wondering why you don't just invite him to do something with you and your husband?

[justin1305]

I'm wondering why you don't just invite him to do something with you and your husband?

 

i agree, maybe u should hang with him and ur husband. but be careful he may get the impression ur trying to pull another guy right in front of his face. this will scare and worry him. have a good chat with ur man first and see how he feels about it. If u are both secure with your marriage there should be no problem

[ghost69]

absolutely not. why would you need a 'new' guy friend? he got something your husband or your current friends don't? no way would this be cool with me. i wouldn't go find another female friend while dating/married.