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Ex broke my NC Request


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Hi All,


I'm new to this, but I'll do my best to explain my situation.


My Ex and I broke up in late March 2007. I was the initiator (or "dumper"). Ex called me 2 weeks later and we got together to exchange our items. When he left he asked me "how do you want to want to go from here?"

I was leaving the state for a week, and he asked me think about it, and to call him when I got back.


I got back home, called him, and we met up again where he then told me he realized needed to be single, was feeling depressed, his life was not where he wanted it to be, it was him not me, and we were "negotiating the terms of our friendship." (Thus making him the quasi Dumper now). I was mortified. Up to that point, I thought we were negotiationg reconciling.


To this I said I did not want to be friends. I would call him when I was ready. (Which I had no intention of doing.) He said he understood, I'd probably need "2 months or so", and he'd wait for me to call him.


Needless to say, I never called him. I initiated NC (not even knowing that's what it was), grew, reflected, traveled solo over the summer, and have become a better person as a result. I had deleted his phone numbers, e-mail address, everything...I had moved on.


Last month, my EX called me! I was so shocked. We talked for 2 hours and it felt like home. He told me he had traveled this summer and finally found happiness within himself and dealt with the issues that were once problematic. At the end of the call he asked me to go out for a movie or dinner "to catch up" (duh! Were'nt we doing that for the past 2 hours?!) Anyways, I agreed to that.


He called me last week to set up a time to get together and we agreed on a date and time. At the end of that phone call he asked me if I had eaten dinner (I had) and if I'd like to get something that night (I did not.) PLus, didn't want to appear all eager and available.


So, this past week we finally got together and we talked about everything, except our breakup, reminisced about our good times, teased each other about our personalities, then went for lunch. At the end of it all...I realized I am still in love with this man, 7 months, NC later. I miss him!



The gist of my post is, I don't know what this guys angle is? Why'd he break my NC...and why'd I let him?


Is he just getting back into my life as a friend, or is he trying to ease back in as a potential suitor?


I know no one that reads this is a mind reader, but what are some of your thoughts?


I just don't want to be taken for a ride, ya know?


Thanks in advance for your time.

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I really believe that it's up to you to define what you are willing to participate in with this ex, take control of YOUR standards and values and in a self respecting kind way ask him directly "Before we keep seeing each other I'd need to know what your intentions are in contacting me again?"


Then based on his answer YOU can decide in a mature knowing way if this is the right thing for you to pursue. Going blindly into a guessing game with an ex is like getting the same lesson over and over again, you have grown, learned, reflected and now you know what is YOU want and how much of your heart you are willing to put out there, so it's important, classy, self respecting to ask him "what are your intentions in contacting me again, before we go forward and keep seeing each other, it's important for me to know".

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