buba Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 Today is 3 years since my ex-husband left me... And it's thanksgiving day. I am hunted by memories...memories of the good times. He is happy somewhere with his twenty year old lover. It was pretty brutal on me. I was so devastated, thought I wouldn't make it... Time went by, I was dating a few other people...never managed to stop missing him completely... I am seing a boy now...he is fantastic, funny, caring... why am I still hunted by memories? Was he the love of my life? I wish we were still married... I never loved like this... he cheated, lied and emotionally abused me big time...trashed my heart. Why do I still miss him? After 3 long years? Link to comment
-BK- Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 Why do I still miss him? After 3 long years? It's hard to say buba. There has been something over the past 3 years that you haven't let go, and haven't allowed yourself to heal from. It seems that if he was a liar and cheater, you are just missing the feeling of being married and your ideal of what marriage was/is. You can have that feeling again, but first you have to let go of the past and allow yourself to be loved again. I'm not sure that you'll ever be loved again as much if you don't figure out how to let go. By no means am I saying that process is easy... just necessary. Link to comment
WaterIsLife Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 Do you find that you tend to pull away from facing difficult situations and emotions like this? I can only guess that you haven't fully faced this yet, you've been in "defense" mode for a lot of this time? Have you considered counseling? You will really need to get over this to be able to fully give yourself to someone as well as to let someone in to your heart fully. Link to comment
alwaysthegirlfriend Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 It's hard to say buba. There has been something over the past 3 years that you haven't let go, and haven't allowed yourself to heal from. It seems that if he was a liar and cheater, you are just missing the feeling of being married and your ideal of what marriage was/is. You can have that feeling again, but first you have to let go of the past and allow yourself to be loved again. I'm not sure that you'll ever be loved again as much if you don't figure out how to let go. By no means am I saying that process is easy... just necessary. I agree with BK that the process is definitely not easy. Maybe something just triggered the memories and you thought of your ex husband. But what I do think which is the romantic side of me is that we will never let go of our first loves. As much as they hurt us and how badly it ended there were still good times and our memories can be good or bad so we will continue to have some thought of them. Maybe after 3 years there are still memories that trigger and hurt you or you might have good memories. I don't think we can ever erase the memories. I'm sorry this doesn't help much. Link to comment
buba Posted November 24, 2007 Author Share Posted November 24, 2007 It saddens me deeply that I can't erase memories... I never had closure with him... He left and I never heard from him again...in years...like I never existed. Pretty brutal. Link to comment
alwaysthegirlfriend Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 I know you might have not gotten closure from him but you can still get closure for yourself. What I am really liking that I have done for myself is that I have been seeking therapy to try and work at our relationship and work on myself. Maybe it's best that he left and you haven't heard from him because it might trigger more memories and you would be worse off.. It's really brutal but in any case it is. Whether they are still in our lives or they just left. I am battling not talking to my ex and trying to keep him out of my life. It has only been a couple days but I really feel like he doesn't care so why should I? I'm sorry if you are triggered by memories and I do too.. I have been having nightmares and not sleeping well all week. I wake up in tears almost all week now. What my therapist suggested is writing down my feelings and thoughts and maybe it'll help me sleep. Going on ENA is also helpful. Write down all the memories good and bad and write down all the good things you did that he never appreciated. I try and remind myself how angry I am and not let the good memories take over. I'm sorry that I can't help much because I feel like I'm crying just as much. Link to comment
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