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Should I ask him how he feels?


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I dated this guy for about 3 months earlier this year. It ended because he wasn't ready for a relationship and there were a lot of other issues that we were both dealing with. I was hurt because he had told me he loved me (this was two months after we began sleeping together, and he said it first), and when I said it back, he seemed really distant. To make a long story short, the whole thing was really confusing because we were great friends and we had great sex, but he never wanted a "relationship" with me. I was hurt, and I stopped all contact with him. He e-mailed me over the summer, but I didn't reply. This fall, he called me and left a message saying that he missed me and that he really wanted to talk. We got together and he said that he had never wanted to end what we had, and that it was his fault because of the fact that he had so many issues. I said that it was okay, and that we were better as friends. I tried to be aloof and casual. He smiled and said "I don't know....you never know what can happen in ten years, great relationships are built on great friendships", etc. Then he mentioned that he still desired me and that he fantasized about me all the time. At one point in our conversation we were laughing and he smiled at me and said "I love you so much." After that, he started calling me on the phone almost every night, and we would talk for hours. Our conversations were wonderful, and we would talk about our lives, our feelings, our families, everything. Eventually, after a few hours the conversation would always get flirtatious, and then sexual. Pretty soon, we started having phone sex pretty regularly.

I tried to keep things in control when we were together, and I made it clear that I thought that we should wait before having sex, but it was hard because I really wanted him badly. Eventually, though, we ended up having sex because there was so much built up sexual tension from all of our conversations. The thing is, now that weve had sex, he has pretty much stopped calling me. He went from calling me 4 days a week, to calling me once a week, to not calling me at all. I have called him a few times, and he always seems happy to hear from me. The thing is, I have feelings for him now, and I know for a fact that he does not feel the same way about me. I am such an idiot. I thought I could have casual sex with him, but now I feel hurt and rejected. I don't know what I should do. Should I talk to him about my feelings, or just cut him out of my life for good?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks for being so understanding. I've decided that he is too ambivalent for me. He called me up and left a message for me acting all lovey-dovey, calling me "sweet heart" and telling me that he wants to see me. Then, when I called him he was all distant. When I told him I wasn't free that evening, he said that he would call me later that night. I haven't heard from him in two weeks. Needless to say, I feel confused by his behavior and it is really doing a number on my self-esteem. I just hope that I will have the strength to let go. As much as it hurts, I know that he is incapable of the kind of relationship I want. Wish me luck...

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