I REALLY NEED HELP partner and other women

[keila]

OK so here it is. My partner hasn't cheated. But he plays down a lot of things and I am always wondering if he is constantly up to something when we are not together. Tonight he met a girl do to with his freelance work. He didnt mention that he was going to meet her when he left my house. He said he remembered only when he was in the car. Thats BS right? He said she wasn't pretty. (do guys say this when they are pretty lol)

 

Other things - he talks to women a lot and they are all young and attractive. He can always link up meeting and keeping in touch with women and annoyingly models because he shoots TV commercials so has to find new talent a lot. I can't be pissed off about his contact with models because of his work !!! please help it makes me so insecure. I know you are meant to trust your partner but seriously he has to be around models all week and single flirty girls and I am scared he will get caught up in something. He is loving and attantive with me but when he goes home he lives in a bigger city and goes out a lot. He clubs without me when he is home and I stay here (quite far from him) i dont have a car and he knows I wont turn up to where he is .... is he just doing whatever the hell he likes?

 

He got a text from a girl that he says is 'hot' telling him she wants him to go for a drink and meet this other model who is looking for work

 

this is driving me crazy : ( can anyone see the problem i have since it is work related I cant be jealous or put a stop to any of it

 

He is attractive and these girls are very pretty.

I dont know what to do.

 

we have been together for a year and as far as i know he has been faithful.

one time he came home late (3am ish) and said a girl tried to kiss him at this club and i went mad because as far as i know girls dont try to kiss guys unless they are given a huge green light / think the guy wants it. He said she leant over to kiss him after they had been chatting for a while and he said 'i have a girlfriend' apart from this I dont know of anything else.

 

when we were friends before we were together he was quite a flirt and always interested in a few girls at a time (but didnt have a girlfriend)

 

when he goes clubbing i never call or anything. as far as he knows i am not clingy or too jealous

 

please please please help. : (

[keila]

In summary i think this is happening:

 

He hasn't cheated

When we are apart he does see girls and flirts and gets them interested in him.

He talks to other girls that I am not aware of and calls girls that he wouldn't speak to in my presense

He does meet with other women and the work thing is always related but it is an excuse

He would have a hard time physically cheating and doesn't believe in it.

I am sure if he meets girls he knows through work (one in particular) he buys drinks for them and flirts with them and I would be shocked if I saw it

 

He gets calls from a 'girl' (whoever, some 'hot model' ) and sometimes either says 'oh its my mate/sister/etc i am not going to answer (to me) or says the true person it is but that he doesn't have time to meet her (again work related so i cant complain) and when i am not around arranges and meets her THEN tells me. (I think he tells me most of the time)

 

I don't think he is an easy cheater but i feel that he feels his freedom and acts single when i am not there. i am SO ANGRY that he can explain any meeting with another women away to ''I have to meet her to do with work/ I need her for the next shoot etc'' can anyone understand my problem!?!?

 

Most women would not like their boyfriend or husband meeting other chicks at all and i have to deal with it a lot : (

 

I really need some help from a guy or a girl anyone with any experience in this PLEASE

[melrich]

If it's his job, it's his job.

 

If it's driving you crazy then maybe this isn't the relationship for you. Maybe you need to be with someone who does not work in such a glamorous environment.

[Gracelove]

Okay, I must say, it does seem as if you are insecure.

 

You said that he is really attractive, and the women he is around are very attractive.....but what about you?!!!

 

Do you not find yourself to be attractive?

 

Here is what I think you should do.

 

You should trust your husband of course. But if you get one of those GUT feelings, then follow it, it is probably right.

 

I wouldn't spend my time sitting around worrying about it at all.

 

I would hire a detective. Don't get mad, or flustered, or worried, until you know what he is actually doing.

 

So ya.

 

I was brought up being taught that ALL men cheat. So um, ya, I'm probably not as....whatever, about it as most people are.

 

I've been cheated on before, and it wasn't something that devastated me.

 

I think that, if he is cheating, you should sit down and talk about it, go to counseling.

 

If he is constantly lying to you....um, I think that is somewhat different.

Although a lot of cheaters lie...I don't know, I guess it's something you just have to figure out for yourself.

Figure out what you want, what is good for you.

 

If a man I was with, was looking me in my eye lying to me repeatedly....that would piss me off to no end.

 

But anywho, I guess I'm saying, don't worry about it. Follow your gut only.

 

Because being scared, and upset is no fun whatsoever. It is horrible actually. Don't torture yourself if you can help it.

 

Best of luck to you!!!

 

~Grace

[keila]

It really gets to me that he said he forgot he had to meet her. It's such a lie. Maybe he does it so I wont get jealous but I cant help feeling he hid it from me because he was excited he was meeting a cute girl in the evening for a drink, and then he saw she wasn't attractive and told me about it

 

he is so hypocritical - he gets jealous towards me very very easily

[keila]

does anyone here think that if you are completely and utterly non jealous and dont enquire after your partners whereabouts and whos calling etc ever, then they could get too much freedom and get into something close to cheating just because you never kept an eye on their life when your not around? my boyfriend tells me the names of girl work contacts etc but i forget and it's got to the point where he could say ' i was out last night and met blah blah briefly for a drink' and i wouldnt be able to be angry because he tells me all the lead up work wise to knowing these girls and i just swallow it and never question any of it

 

I also never ask when he is going to see XYZ again and where etc

does any of this count as me doing anything wrong /making it too easy for him

[melrich]

does anyone here think that if you are completely and utterly non jealous and dont enquire after your partners whereabouts and whos calling etc ever, then they could get too much freedom and get into something close to cheating just because you never kept an eye on their life when your not around?

 

My partner never tracks my whereabouts, never asks me who I have spoken to during the day on the phone. Sometimes I volunteer the information. Sometimes I just forget it.

 

It doesn't make me any more or less likely to cheat on her. In fact it makes me happy that she trusts me...and I value that so I would never jeopardise it.