Don't want to give up, but should I?

[twfshamrock]

To start, I met a girl at work almost 2 years ago. She and I got along very well, and a mutual attraction was pretty apparent right away. Being her supervisor, I didn't think it best to mention anything. She was just helping out at my store for the holiday season, but I remained professional.

 

On her last day there, I decided I had to let her know how I felt. She had a boyfriend, and I knew this, but I still had to say something. Her response was that she didn't want to do anything to hurt him, but if their relationship didn't work out, I'd be the "first one to know". I accepted that and continued to talk to her now and then after she went back to the store she regularly worked at. Knowing she had this boyfriend, I tried to detach myself from the situation as much as I could.

 

A couple months ago, she decided to leave the job, and she called me for advice on what to do. I helped her with everything, and told her I would be there if she ever needed anything. She seemed to really appreciate this and began calling me, even on my personal phone, which she had never done before. The calls started coming in more regularly, and the conversations started lasting longer, sometimes up to 2 hours.

 

Now, she is calling me just about every day and she comes down to my store 3-4 times a week to visit and she stays there for an extended period of time. She often complains about her boyfriend, but I don't comment on him one way or another, I just listen. She knows I still like her. A couple weeks ago, we were on the phone, and she mentioned her boyfriend didn't like her and I talking so much. Obviously, she told him that. I told her it's not easy for me, either. I then told her that I have so many things I wish I could tell her, but I just can't.

 

She tried like crazy to get it out of me, but I said I didn't want to because it didn't matter as long as she's with him.

 

About a week ago, she finally got it out of me. I told her that I really like her and want something more for us. I told her that I don't know if I can be "just friends". She said she understands how I feel, but if she decides to leave her boyfriend, it will be her choice, no one else's. She also said she wouldn't want to jump right on the "guy wagon" and would like to try being single until she knew what she wanted, even though she likes me and she knows she likes me.

 

I asked her, hypothetically, if she wasn't with her boyfriend, if I would have a chance with her and she said "no doubt".

 

My feeling is that she knows me and knows what she'd be getting with me.

 

My problem here is this. What does she want? I mean, I won't deny it, I REALLY like this girl. We get along so well, we are very open with each other, and are very happy in eachother's presense. But, I don't know how to approach the situation.

 

If having our ages would help, I am 28, she is 21. Her boyfriend is about her age, but he has had some legal problems and doesn't provide much for her. They don't live together, but he wants to. Me on the other hand, I am a fairly successful, very independent and responsible person. I really think she sees something in that.

 

I have asked for help with this in countless places. I have been told that she calls and comes to the store because she's "bored" or needs to be "entertained". I have been told she needs me for her "ego boost". I don't know.

 

I want to make it clear that I am not asking for advice on how to steal her from this guy. I also want to make it clear that all the contact here is being initiated by her, I NEVER call her.

 

But, I think about her all day long and having this type of situation is really getting hard for me. I want to be there to help her with problems, etc., but I don't want to be the guy who does that while she's going home and being with another guy. I just feel like she's like so many women who complain about their situation, but don't do anything to change it. I feel that eventually she'll realize that she deserves better than what she has and she'll leave him, but who knows when that will be and where I will be.

 

So, what do I do? I don't want to give up on a girl who I have feelings for that I've never had before. But at the same time, it's painful to know we have so much together, but nothing will come of it.

 

Please help..........

[Entropy Smith]

What does she want?[/Quote]

 

Not you.

But, I don't know how to approach the situation.[/Quote]

Back off. Quit "helping her" altogether.

 

Her boyfriend is about her age, but he has had some legal problems and doesn't provide much for her. They don't live together, but he wants to. Me on the other hand, I am a fairly successful, very independent and responsible person. I really think she sees something in that.[/Quote]

Crimnal> responsible, boring nice guy in terms of attraction.

 

 

I want to make it clear that I am not asking for advice on how to steal her from this guy.[/Quote]

Yea, right. We live in a competitive world and there is no shame in stepping up and getting waht you want. Its nature's way as well as down right American!

 

So, what do I do?[/Quote]

 

Create some space. Don't let her come by your job. When she asks for advice or an ear to lend, listen but seem bemused by the situation. And move on, at least publicly. Start looking for other woman. All that expressing your feellings for her crap is working against you.Once she sees you no longer care that much, you can rezero the relatinship, and move in for the metamorphic kill.

[Entropy Smith]

By the way, is your username a reference to the great Frank Shamrock?

[alcide]

well i certainly agree with you, she needs to make up her mind, if i was in your place il be honest with her and let her know u can't go on that way, Not asking her to break up but she needs to make up her mind.

 

Because its just like she needs a conforter until things get better with her boyfriend and then the conforter will stay heart broken. Save your self because before you fall too deep with her and she leaves.