i don't undertstand the way i'm thinking

[kayxxx]

me and my now ex were having problems that we split up to sort out. We wanted to both get our lives sorted and sort the things that irritated eachother out.

 

We were very very very close still though. He came to mine every week and stayed for 3 days and we spent the rest of the week apart.

 

We had a massive argument and we said it was over for good. I went out with my friend to cheer up and we ended up in bed. It wasn't even really sex, it was a drunken fumble that should never have happened. We discussed the fact that it was a mistake and we should not see eachother for a while

 

I then called my ex straight away and asked him to come around. I told him everything and that it was a mistake and i was sorry and i cried and cried because i loved him and didnt know how i could have done that to him.

 

He said he would forgive me if i didnt speak to him again.

 

Me and my ex started to get back on track. We had our tiffs but i though we were well on the way to sorting things out.

 

I went home last week and to the club he worked at. I went to kiss him and he was acting weird and said he thought we should maybe not get back together. It was so out of the blue i was really shocked.

 

i then went inside and a girl took me into the toilets and said her mate had been sleeping with him and kind of seeing him and really liked him so what was the score with me and him.

 

I've never felt so sick in my life. he'd been talking to her all the time, staying at hers and sleeping with her. I feel so stupid. mine was a mistake and drunk and ment nothing. he says it was a mistake but he went to her repeatedly and thats no mistake is it?

 

I can't sleep at night because all i think about is him. Then i get images in my head of them together and it makes me sick. The more i try to not think about it the more i do. i cant eat and im scared im gona end up ill.

 

he called me and said he wanted to try again. i would maybe consider as i love him very much but i want to know what hapened, who did what, how they had sex, where they touched. I do not want to know that at all it would kill me and i dont understand why i want to know.

 

i know now i need to have some self resepct and get on with my life and block him out but all i want is for him to make it better. to tell me he loves me and to hug me. but i know i dont want that at all. my head is screwed with it all.

 

has anyone felt like this and got back together with someone or stayed away frm them? What did you do? and how. and how do i get rid of these images and thoughts of them. its killing me

[ftheunion]

Philosophy maybe