Desperate for help!

[Dracolis]

Good morning everyone.

 

Sorry in advance for the typos and the length...

 

I am 18 years old. I have been with this older 18 years old girl for about 3 months now. She found me on myspace as she was looking for people to discuss with about a certain subject, in which she holds nearly all her passion unto. We discussed a bit, and then moved on unto msn.

 

We didn't really talk about this passion of us at all during our 'msn time', more focussing on each other's personality and other random thoughts. Then came the day where we met in real life, spent a day together and got to know eachothers better. It was such a beautiful day... Laying down in the grass and talking passionately about interesting subjects.

 

Back home, we were both looking forward to see each-others again. Then came the day when I went over to her house one afternoon, where we spent the rest of the day by the river until the sunset came. A very romantic scene I might say... In fact, as she hugged onto my arm to heat herself up, I titled her head upward and kissed her for the first time. There, I spent the most beautiful night of my life...

 

However, as time went by, I felt like her passion for me slowly faded. I thought it was a normal relationship thing, and that it happens to anyone. The more I missed her, the more miserable I started to become, and she even noticed it on msn. She even told me recently that I should work on my self esteem and be strong. I know for a fact that I am not a good leader in relationships, and I am scared she would vitally expect me to be...

 

But then that is just part of my worries. Since the day I met her, she has been talking to me about one of her best friends, with who she shares the passion we met over. They both seem to be personality-twins and she openly admires him and claim to be mind-alike. I do trust my girlfriend, but that thought made me a bit insecure.

 

I gradually started to lose my personality just as fast as my own self esteem over this. She noticed that I am slowly becoming skeptical about her favorite subject now and that keeps me worried. I think this is the reason why her passion in me slowly faded, but I am not sure. The thing is, I still do enjoy talking about that passion of us, but with my low self esteem I'm having a hard time keeping the same opinions...

 

1 week or 2 ago, I heard from her that this best friend of her broke-up with his girlfriend. At first I didn't bother, but now its really starting to build a sense of intense paranoia in me. I am not of the jealous type, but sometimes it gets to my head. Especially when I cant hear her voice for over 1-2 weeks, when I see that she talks to him on facebook and send him extremely lengthly emails about her life (although they always did that with him, even before she met me)

 

Lately, she has been VERY busy with college. Always stressed and hardly spending much time with me on msn. She takes a considerable delay to answer my replies and she seems to be spending allot of time on myspace and facebook, procrastinating, often talking to that best friend of her! I do understand and trust her when she says that she is very busy, its understandable that she has MUCH less time for me, but I cant help but feel a bit paranoid about it sometimes. Even if its agaisnt my own reasoning; I do not want her to feel the need to constantly 'cheer me up' either.

 

I softly brought up my worries about this guy on msn, although not broadly explaining my thoughts as I want to keep it for once we're face to face. She explained to me that she really admires his accomplishments in life, his passions and intelligence. But she also told me that she doesn't see him as a god, that there is a dark side about him that she doesn't like, and that overall he is just a formidable friend of hers. We sorta got into a disagreement of opinions afterwards, after which she pulled a pretty disrespectful reply to me which further makes me insecure today... But at least she excused her attitude by pointing out her stress and general moodyness of this week. I haven't seen her 'IRL' since then.

 

Her love seems to be fading away, but it could be my paranoia making things seem worse than they are! She still wants to meet me by the coming week and I do see that she is making the efforts to free up her schedule for me.

 

I dont know what to think anymore. Are my worries justified? Should I wait to tell her face-to-face about my feelings? Should I give her more space and stick away from msn for a few days? Can she still love me and admire her friend at the same time? I am so worried about all of this. I never loved someone as much as I love her and I do not want to lose her over such things. I do not want to suffocate her either. I do not want to drain her energy and freedom either and I would like her to understand that I am honest about this, face-to-face. We do have differences, but I believe this is what keeps our couple interesting and worth-living.

 

Your opinion is what I need. Thank you for the help.

[Entropy Smith]

She sounds like an e-girlfriend at best. You can't control anything so let it go and let the chips fall where they may. Anyway if you want her to not say lets just be friends, stop contacting her, and give her alot more space. Then we'll see what happens.

[Dracolis]

The hic is, she is not an e-girlfriend. We live about 30-45 minutes away by car. We just never use the phone for her own personal dislikes.

 

Maybe you're right about giving her more space... But that is hard to do. Wouldn't having a meeting and a good conversation about feelings help solve things?

[Entropy Smith]

But that is hard to do. Wouldn't having a meeting and a good conversation about feelings help solve things?

 

No. Once trust in a relationship is there then you can do all the conversations about feelings you want. You need to reverse things. Withdraw and start giving her some cold distant treatment. When she plans to meet with you blow her off one time, and when she contacts you, pretend you just forgot or had some menial task to do.