Should I slow down?

[i miss her 2]

Ok, long story short..my gf of 2 years broke up with me in August. I had esteem and jealousy issues. I basically pushed her on to another guy..but I was also at times indifferent and our relationship got stale. Well, I knew this guy was a rebound because she would keep calling every once in a while and I could tell she just wasn't happy.

 

Finally we saw each other after a month or so..had a good time and all that. Then I called her up and told her I wanted to be her guy and that I was confident that we should be together. She acted interested but at the same time said she kinda wanted to stay open. So she broke up with rebound #1, but she decided to date this other guy who had been asking her out for about a year while she started dating me again (open relationship). I didn't want the open relationship, but I thought if I said I wasn't ok with it I would lose her for good.

 

Finally I told her I wanted us to be exclusive again (once we started getting closer like we use to be). She acted hesistant and asked me if I wanted to see other people and I told her no, then I told her I didn't even wanna have that conversation anymore and she asked me why...I told her because this "other guy" has nothing to to with "you and me." So a week went by and she told me without me even bring the subject up, that she wanted to be with me, said she made a mistake, didn't know what she was thinking before, etc. She said things felt so right between us and that she is very comfortable with me. I told her I wanted to be with her, wasn't seeing anyone else also. We had already gotten very close again at that point. And now, we are in a good relationship...I think.

 

But my question is, should I be distant and let our relationship slowly evolve or just keep being with her? She wants to see me several times a week. She has even brought up moving in together. Is it possible I can ruin things by this even though SHE said she wants to be with me. I looked at her myspace and I see the rebound guy is now leaving tons of comments on her page. Maybe he will do NC with her and then she will miss him and go back to him? Not sure what to do. I might seem like an anxiety freak on this board, but in all honestly I have changed my attitude towards her. I don't act jealous and I'm not longer hard on myself..both of those things have helped significantly.

[Entropy Smith]

I have changed my attitude towards her. I don't act jealous and I'm not longer hard on myself..both of those things have helped significantly.

 

Congratulations friend. You have earned the relationship medal of honor...moving in will certainly kill the attraction...attraction grows in space...this girl, based on the info you gave, responds to drama...you can keep her but it would be a bit exhausting to give her the cold treatment she needs to keep her attracted to you...

 

...never agree to an open relationship...no girl respects this and they secreetly crave you'll put your foot down by you threatening to end ti altogether...

 

...I'd move on and use your new found super powers of esteem and non-clingyness to see what else is out there...

 

...and use paragraphs!!!! You'll get more responses....

[i miss her 2]

What do you mean I should give her the cold treatment? you mean go nc even though we are officially back together? And as far as the open relationship..she said she wanted that before we actually got back "together." I think one of the reasons we broke up initially was because I got super jealous about this guy talking to her and suddenly she is dating him. Had I not agreed to the open relationship with the other guy when we started talking again..well I think would have just pushed her away and shown that I am still jealous. I don't want to move on because we are back together and I love her more than anyone.

[Entropy Smith]

You lost me dude...

[rokston]

I do not think you should be distant on purpose. Let the relationship evolve at a pace both of you are comfortable with.. if you both want to see each other - do so, if you both to move in - do it. But communicate about things first to make sure you are both on the same page and that you understand each other's concerns, fears etc as well as that each of you wants.

 

You've done really well to rebuild so far. It will take some time to have 100% trust in the relationship again but she should be able to understand that. Basically try to learn from the previous mistakes so that they don't happen once again.

 

Dealing with the jealousy issue must be difficult especially since it was a problem before and now it involves another person. It is great that you have control over it! However, I do not see a problem if you discuss this other guy with her - are they in constant communication and why?