Let down four people in three hours...

[Lanterloo]

Firstly, I let down God, secondly, I let down Mom, thirdly I let down Boy, and lastly, I think I let myself down as well.

 

To sum up the x-factors, I turned seventeen this October, while he (Boy) turned twenty three. We work together, have known each other a couple of months, and are planning on getting married in a couple years. He spends the night sometimes, but we're both committed to not having sex before marriage.

 

I thought I had a good amount of self control, because, really, I'm a girl! Our sex drives can't possibly be that high, right?

 

I know, I know. Anyway...

 

So he spent the night last night, and this morning, while we were hanging out in bed, we got a bit frisky. While no clothes came off and no orgasms were had, we got somewhat heated, and I feel like I backslid into nearly breaking my promise to God. And of course, I haven't broken the news to Mom yet. Boy has agreed that we shouldn't do the sleeping together thing anymore, as that leads quickly to dangerous territory.

 

I don't know if I need advice, but I'm feeling horrendously guilty, pretty embarrassed, and just generally bad. I know that what's done is done, but I thought that I had a better handle on myself, and that some kissing wouldn't lead to dangerous stuff... Why is it that Mom is always right about this sort of thing?!

 

Anyway, thanks for reading...

[Jeffrey2095]

Hi lanterloo, and welcome to ENA,

 

Well, the important thing is that you didn't have intercourse, but you did go further than you had reckoned...

 

A moment of weakness... well, it was spent for passion.

 

Remember, God is a forgiving god and understands love.

 

It sounds as though you are sorry, I wouldn't let it taint anything in your future relationship.

 

Good luck to both of you, it sounds to me as though you will wait.

 

Jeffr

[leo_s84]

Well you didn't let anyone down in my book, but i guess we have different views and beliefs about things

[sddeaston]

Why do people get so weird about this stuff. Your a human, you have deisres. Pretty simple really. The way I read it, it was not even a big deal as nothing even happened.

 

I just have a hard time understanding why people feel so guilty about their natural reaction to things like this. Try to lighten up on yourself, the way I see it the only person you let down is yourself and POSSIBLY (in caps because I know the female members will get all over me about saying you let him down by not having sex) your boy because you didn't do anything.

[kaligrl22]

Are you seriously going to tell your Mom what happened? No offense, but that's crazy. If you don't cut the umbilical cord now, the big bad world is going to eat you up in a few years.

 

Don't get me wrong, I think waiting until marriage is awesome. I wish more people did that. However, what I do feel is that you can't tell your mom everything. You got carried away but in the end your faith and beliefs kept you from making any mistakes.

 

Your mom doesn't need to know this nor does she need to know your sexual life at all Kissing does not lead to dangerous stuff unless you let it. I can only imagine what other horrible things she's told you about sex.

 

Anyway, enough of my ranting. In the end you stopped yourself and that's great. Keep it up until you get married.

[melrich]

Are you seriously going to tell your Mom what happened?

 

I agree. You are 17 and now entitled to your privacy. Your sex life should be between you and your partner. Not you, your partner, your mom and anyone else she decides to confide in.

 

Anyway, you have your beliefs and goals. I don't think you have let anyone down, things happen in the heat of the moment and if you really want to wait until marriage before sex then I'd suggest you make an agreement not to sleep together because that will make it very hard.

[Jeffrey2095]

Are you seriously going to tell your Mom what happened? No offense, but that's crazy. If you don't cut the umbilical cord now, the big bad world is going to eat you up in a few years.

 

Don't get me wrong, I think waiting until marriage is awesome. I wish more people did that. However, what I do feel is that you can't tell your mom everything. You got carried away but in the end your faith and beliefs kept you from making any mistakes.

 

Your mom doesn't need to know this nor does she need to know your sexual life at all Kissing does not lead to dangerous stuff unless you let it. I can only imagine what other horrible things she's told you about sex.

 

Anyway, enough of my ranting. In the end you stopped yourself and that's great. Keep it up until you get married.

 

I agree with Kaligirl and Melrich, telling your mother might make more trouble than need be.

 

I think the crisis is over, think that you were strong enough not to go all the way, or much of anything.

 

That is more than a lot these days.

 

Good luck again.

 

Jeffr

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Hi there -- Honey, you guys did some stuff, yes, but you didn't go all the way. So you didn't break your promise. No need to tell Mom about it; not like you did anything life changing.

 

Here's what you actually did -- you gathered information. Yes, you gathered information. You have now learned what situations to avoid in order to avoid breaking these promises and you have learned just how hard it is to keep that promise to yourself - not that it can't be kept.

 

So be easy on yourself and take from this the lessons learned. Don't tell Mom, because you didn't do anything life-changing. And God loves you no matter what.

[Lana0120]

Don't feel guilty about it. Just make sure you don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with and that you think you'll end up regretting later.

[chocolates]

Sex isn't bad, it isn't a sin, its just a shame you have been brought up to feel this way. Nothing bad will happen to you if you accidently slip up again, as long as you use a condom...

 

Seriously i wouldn't want to tell my mother about my sex life...eeewwww

[Gracelove]

I can relate to how you feel.

 

It will be okay. Is your mom controlling? I'm guessing that she probably is. My mother is the sweetest person, but she is hella controlling (although she is getting much better). I had the same issue, and I used to tell my mom everything also.

 

Are you going away to college? If not, I would suggest that you do.

 

I know that you feel guilty, and that's okay. But I agree with some of the other posters. One day you are going to find your own voice, and abide by your own rules.

 

It's hard right now.

 

I bet when you told your mom she was soooooo disappointed wasn't she? Was she the one that told you to stay away from that guy? Mine did.

 

I guess I just want to you know that, it's okay to feel guilty right now.

 

But one day, in the future....you are going to break away from your mom. And let me tell you, it won't be pretty.

 

Just know the difference between your mother and God. She isn't always his spokesperson, even though it may seem that way.

 

Best of luck to you!!!

 

~Grace

[Mr.Mister]

I take it from this girl's post that she is serious about her beliefs, so I feel she is entitled to them. You don't need to be saying things like "it's not a sin..." because in her belief system, it is.

 

Also, if she has a good relationship with her mother, you shouldn't be telling her to destroy that. It sounds that her mother is helping her through these things, which are important to her in the first place.

 

Lanterloo, you don't need to be guilty about it this whole ordeal, though. Temptation can be tough, so stay away from things that can lead to it again. His suggestion for not sleep together is a good one too, but don't stop the romance completely. A relationship with no intimacy/romance can be a hard thing to manage.

[kaligrl22]

Also, if she has a good relationship with her mother, you shouldn't be telling her to destroy that. It sounds that her mother is helping her through these things, which are important to her in the first place.

 

I disagree. You shouldn't tell your mom EVERYTHING. Yes it's good to be able to go to your mother for advice. However, I think it's unhealthy to tell your mom every little thing you do especially concerning sex. I have a great relationship with my mother but there is a line we don't cross.

 

Once again, I'd like to stress that you did nothing wrong. You have a strong belief of waiting for marriage and you stuck to that. Do you honestly think life is not full of temptation? You will have to make difficult choices until the day you die. Just keep your morals and beliefs at the core of your decisions at you will be fine.

[valiantv]

I think you (Lanterloo) are overreacting. Saying "I let down 4 people in 3 hours" makes it sound like you are going around betraying people and failing to live up to promise... When actually it's only one promise you ... sort of ... failed to live up to. I think you're searching for people to have betrayed...

 

I am sure God'll get over it, as will Boy (I mean he had his part to play too), in fact your mother might be the only one who might get upset about it, but why tell her? Depending on how she will react, I think it might be better not to tell her... If she doesn't want to hear it. It's you and Boy's business only.

 

The only person you... sort of... let down, is yourself, and it's up to you to forgive yourself, stop dwelling on the past - no harm was done to anyone - and move on.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I take it from this girl's post that she is serious about her beliefs, so I feel she is entitled to them. You don't need to be saying things like "it's not a sin..." because in her belief system, it is.

 

Also, if she has a good relationship with her mother, you shouldn't be telling her to destroy that. It sounds that her mother is helping her through these things, which are important to her in the first place.

 

Lanterloo, you don't need to be guilty about it this whole ordeal, though. Temptation can be tough, so stay away from things that can lead to it again. His suggestion for not sleep together is a good one too, but don't stop the romance completely. A relationship with no intimacy/romance can be a hard thing to manage.

 

I agree with a lot of this. It's ok for her to have those beliefs. I still don't think she has to tell her mom, they didn't go all the way. So she can go easy on herself and just take it as a lesson learned.

[valiantv]

Man I hate "beliefs"! My gut reaction to the original post was "So f****n what?"! But I suppose Lanterloo has her / his own right to opinions on what is / isn't "dangerous"... Though I suppose s/he is 17 so maybe better to take it slowly.. but all this "letting down 4 people" seems like an over-reaction.

[candy604]

Yeah I know how you feel girl, but I wouldn't go telling my mom about it. It's a good decision that your boy said no more sleeping over stuff. I've been caught in that situation as well. I just avoid being in that situation from now on and its okay