heyyou2004 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I remember when i first started dating men my dad would tell me Dont date someone who is TOO Goodlooking because they are most likely to cheat on you or not treat you right. It seems like I have internalized his belief system when it comes to dating. I dont understand why my dad has told me this. Is he saying something about how i look? Trust me, Im already confused on what to think about how I look so his comments do not help me out. I am left just confused on who I should date. How attractive of a person should I date? Ive dated unattractive guys and they treated me like crap and even dated other girls behind my back. Now I am dating some who is cute and he treats me the best out of anyone. I want to marry him one day too. But, Since I hold onto this belief system that my dad holds, I am still left not fully trusting my currently cute bf. I am also left thinking my dad has told me this comment because he thinks that I cant get someone who is good looking or he is saying something about my attractiveness level. Im just confused. Please help Link to comment
love4life Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 What your dad said is bogus. And I've heard that we date people who are in our own level of attractiveness. Like anything else, attractiveness is subjective, and physicality isn't the only thing that makes someone attractive. If you're not completely put off by a guy's appearance, then he's probably attractive "enough". Edit: As for being too attractive, I would steer clear of guys who spend a lot of time on their appearance, or have an overly-inflated opinion of their good looks, as this is a sign of narcissism. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Your dad is wrong. Date whomever you feel attracted to. As far as the person cheating... that has LITTLE to do with how attractive they are and MORE to do with how much your partner respects you and how much Self Respect you have. You see, you could be dating a 10 in the looks department and if you do a good job at building attraction and chemistry and at the same time set the expectation and boundries that you will dump them in a second if they cheat or commit any other dealbreakers, then you probably won't have much to worry about. No girl with a High Interest Level in you is going to cheat, especially if she knows in no uncertain terms that you will dump her if she does. Now some guys actually are so absorbed in their attraction to a girl that they send out signals that she can get away with cheating or whatever else, and that he will still take her back. So she is far more likely to commit a dealbreaker because she doesn't believe he will stick up for himself to the point of severing the relationship. These guys are the guys you see on these forums from time to time complaining about how they don't understand why she did this to him, that he treats her like an angel, etc. They put her so high on a pedastle that she can do this and get away with it. Never do that. Have Self Respect and you won't have to worry about your father's warning. Link to comment
Eire1 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I have to wonder if maybe your dad got mistreated as a young man by some hot women and so he's trying to share what he learned in his life with you. You really can't judge a book by its cover. It does go without saying that a very hot woman gets hit on all the time by lots of men so she has a lot of opportunities for trading up, but I don't think guys who are extremely attractive get those same kinds of opportunities. Women seem to be a bit less superficial than men when it comes to looks. A good rule of thumb for you is to pursue men whom you find attractive and you'll then figure out what each is like on the inside from getting to know them. If you love your current boyfriend and he's attractive to you then it sounds like you're already doing a good job. Parents aren't perfect and what they tell their kids are intended to be helpful, but the advice is often flawed and perhaps tainted by their own prejudices and bad experiences. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 date whoever you find attractive. if you feel it's going bad and they are doing something behind your back, confront them. if they aren't good for you, move on. find another attractive person. use YOUR standards and not what someone else tells you. Link to comment
shikashika Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Although i don't believe what your dad is saying is neccesarily true.. he is probbaly just saying that because he does not want you to get hurt, or he had similar experiences, or saw similar experiences in his past like that. Date whomever you wish.. i would be weary of someone who knows they are goodlooking though. People who talk about themselves like that are just a bore. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Although i don't believe what your dad is saying is neccesarily true.. he is probbaly just saying that because he does not want you to get hurt, or he had similar experiences, or saw similar experiences in his past like that. Date whomever you wish.. i would be weary of someone who knows they are goodlooking though. People who talk about themselves like that are just a bore. why? i know i'm good looking. am i full of myself? nope. i guess the difference would be someone that flaunts it and thinks they are better than everyone else. i think that is a harsh way to think that because you know you are attractive your attitude stinks. Link to comment
russ978 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I remember when i first started dating men my dad would tell me Dont date someone who is TOO Goodlooking because they are most likely to cheat on you or not treat you right Heyyou2004, What your dad said is BS. An excellent (and likewise false) counter-argument: An ugly person is more likely to cheat because since they are ugly, they have never had much of an opportunity for physical affection so if given the chance, they will jump on it. Both of those arguments are false because the attributes of an ideal partner cannot be segmented into one specific trait such as looks, their financial status, whether or not they come from a big family, or where they are from. Link to comment
Cardinal Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Your father's argument is based on opportunity to cheat. To understand his argument, you need to look only at that one issue and NOT at anything else. Excellent looks, ceteris paribus, creates more opportunity for a man to have a woman of his choosing, making it less likely he will choose to stay with a particular girl. It actually doesn't imply anything about cheating per se. However, that is a typical generalization, and you have a host of other factors to consider. It is most to your benefit to realize his advice doesn't serve you in this case and leave it at that. That belief has no relevance to your current situation. It is too myopic and only one factor inmany. Arguments usually need qualification. It helps to look at any advice that way. Break the argument down further to see what is really going on. Link to comment
rootcause43 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I'm not saying that your mom is unattractive, but perhaps your father is a believer in these lyrics by Jimmy Soul - you may have heard the song. Its sung pretty tongue and cheek. Maybe he thinks it works for the ladies too. link removed Hey hey hey hey hey If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty women your wife Go for my personal point of view Get an ugly girl to marry you If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty women your wife Go for my personal point of view Get an ugly girl to marry you A pretty women makes her husband look small it very often causes a system fall As soon as he marrys her then she starts looking for things that will break his heart but if you make an ugly women your wife you'll be happy for the rest of your life An ugly women will put peals on that and she'll always give you a piece of that. If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty women your wife Go for my personal point of view Get an ugly girl to marry you Don't let your friends tell you you have no taste go ahead and marry anyway Her face is ugly her eyes don't match take it from me shes a better catch If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty women your wife Go for my personal point of view Get an ugly girl to marry you Dude 1 man Dude 2 man Dude 1: I saw your wife the other day Dude 2: Yeah Dude 1: Yeah and Shes Ugly Dude 2: Yeah shes Ugly but she sure can cook baby. Dude 1: Yeah If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty women your wife Go for my personal point of view Get an ugly girl to marry you If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty women your wife Go for my personal point of view Get an ugly girl to marry you If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty women your wife Go for my personal point of view Get an ugly girl to marry you (FADE) If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty women your wife Go for my personal point of view Get an ugly girl to marry you Link to comment
poloplayer Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I can see his point of view; the hottest girls I've dated were the worst at relationships, but I overlooked so many things because they were so hot. Girls who were 'average' do more for you; they do a great job of nurturing the relationship. Just my experience. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 i've met some wholesome really hot girls. i know some too. down to earth and down with the guy they are with. no flakiness, cheating, dumping for a better guy, etc. Link to comment
poloplayer Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Being hot and a good person isn't mutually exclusive; trouble is that it can get to their head - they've received some good treatment from others and have had a very easy time getting dates. You would have to get the know the person. Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I can see his point of view; the hottest girls I've dated were the worst at relationships, but I overlooked so many things because they were so hot. Girls who were 'average' do more for you; they do a great job of nurturing the relationship. Just my experience. This is a very general statement. I know you're saying 'just in your experience' but still. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 no doubt polo. there are those out there. i've met plenty of them. but saying all drop dead gorgeous women are stuck up isn't right though. lower your standards? i will never. Link to comment
poloplayer Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 This is a very general statement. I know you're saying 'just in your experience' but still. It is a general experience, but it's been my experience, as well as many guy friends who I have. We've all dated 9s and 10s in our lives, and why did we put up with so much junk in the past? Because she was smoking hot! We boys can be rather dumb at times, but we learn and wisen up. By the way, my comment wasn't specific to cheating. It was specific to the quality of the relationship. Many men and women with great looks can cruise pretty far on just looks; lots of 'red flags' can be overlooked by others. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 those are just bad girls. not cause of their rating. Link to comment
poloplayer Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 those are just bad girls. not cause of their rating. Exactly - get to know them before getting too involved. There are many bad apples out there, but sometimes you can get caught up in the shine and luster of the outside. You learn. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 i know the scene. we have one huge one out here. everyone is so stuck on themselves and their little cliques. it's ridiculous. they hate when i come through their city and ruin their time. i'm punk skater and talk to all the girls. they hate it. with their preppy 'i'm a millionaire' clothes and fake looks. reminds me of that lame show on mtv the hills. Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 reminds me of that lame show on mtv the hills. I like that show. I know, its stupid, but I watch it every wk. Along with "I Love NewYork" I can't help it. Its entertaining. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I like that show. I know, its stupid, but I watch it every wk. Along with "I Love NewYork" I can't help it. Its entertaining. that show really cracks me up. tailor made is my boy. lol, he starts so much crap. the hills just reminds me of a city close to here is all. bunch of people all fake like and thinkin they are stars. with tons of drama. ok, so off topic now. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I can see his point of view; the hottest girls I've dated were the worst at relationships, but I overlooked so many things because they were so hot. Girls who were 'average' do more for you; they do a great job of nurturing the relationship. Just my experience. That goes right into the same thing I said in the 3rd post. Attractive women are more often to have a tighter hold on the guy because he will let her get away with more crap because he feels she is that hot. Only what this does is create a bad relationship because he teaches her that he will overlook or forgive. That's not much of a punishment so when there is temptation there is more of a liklihood of an abuse of the relationship. You can still have an attractive woman you just need to treat her the same as you would any other girl that cheated on you or did something to violate the relationship. You start giving free passes then it's over. It's just that guys tend to give the attractive women more free passes for some reason. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 the above goes with girls that stay away from hot guys cause they are all players and not great guys. because they don't want to get hurt and what not. i think this is what causes a percentage of divorces. cause people settle. Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 the above goes with girls that stay away from hot guys cause they are all players and not great guys. because they don't want to get hurt and what not. i think this is what causes a percentage of divorces. cause people settle. Exactly. I honestly believe that if I lowered my standards and settled for someone I just considered 'average', that it wouldn't last-no matter how great the personality. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Exactly. I honestly believe that if I lowered my standards and settled for someone I just considered 'average', that it wouldn't last-no matter how great the personality. finally a woman that agrees too. i know a lot of women that say 'well, he is so nice though. ghost, what do you think?' i usually tell them not comment cause i don't want to make my female friends mad. i pretty much tell them that it's their relationship to figure out. Link to comment
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