Did I lose her forever?

[rafael_josem]

Hi,

 

Recently my girl and I broke up from a 6 years relationship. Everything started 3 weeks ago when I went through her email and saw some mails from a guy and what hurt me most were the replies from her to him. What she said to him.

 

After a talk with her she denied she had something with him, that she didnt mean anything of it. I ask her if she liked the guy, if she was falling in love with him and she told me no (i could see in her face that she was telling me the truth).

 

Since then our trust went down, i started to ask too much questions and having bad thoughts. On last friday she noted that I was not still giving my trust to her.

 

After a long talk, she told me that she felt sorry cause in a part was her fault and she didnt know why she replied his emails.

 

Anyway, I forgave her. I told her that we could make it together, that we just have to work together and be honest.

 

Yesterday we broke up cause I ask her that if she was still in love with me, she didnt say anything, but I could see in her eyes she wasnt (or didnt know). She told me that she loves me, she feels a lot of love for me, but it's not like before, that she doesnt know what's happening to her.

 

Again I asked her if she was falling in love of that guy, i told her that since we were breaking up, she could tell me. Again she denied it, she said that he is not even a good looking guy, that she is not attracted to him.

 

Anyway, yesterday, at night she called me, almost crying, saying she couldnt believe it. That she loves me.

 

Today, about at 6:20 Am she called again to wake me up and told me again, I love you.

 

Also today, I droped a letter in her house, just saying how much i still love her and how much im still in love with her. That i want her to remember me sometimes in the future, that dont ever forget me. That my heart will always belong to her.

 

After reading the letter she called me crying, telling me that she loves me and she wants to go out one day with me and have a talk. I told her that it is ok, she just have to call me and tell me date, place and hour.

 

I am confused, cause in the way she says I love you is like she still in love with me, I dont know if she might be confused and i dont know if tell her to go back with me the day we go out or just listen to what she has to say.

 

Need some advise.

 

Thanks.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would say go out with her and see how things go. Don't over plan what you will say because sometimes you just have to let things take its natural course. See what happens when you get together...if things are going well then yes, suggest that the two of you get back together....but if I were you, before doing that, make sure she is not still confused. You don't want her to get back together with you simply because she is panicking about being alone...you want her to get back with you because she really loves you.

[Papillion]

can you tell us what she said to that guy in the e-mails?

 

i'd like to know how bad her "betrayal" was before i say what i think you should do.

 

welcome to ENA by the way.

[niczeegs]

Yeah, what exactly did she say to the other guy? Cause you might be right to break up with her, but then again, you might be overreacting?

 

6 years is a long time to be with one another - I don't want to sound mean, but maybe she got bored and wanted a change? Were you still flirty and loving towards her? Was there still romance? Maybe she just needed to feel wanted by that guy.

[Zackinlaw]

Welcome to ENA and sorry for your problems.

 

I agree with papillon ... any advice I would give would greatly depend on the content of her replies to the emails.

[bar35]

man, that sounds like a difficult situation. You have some really difficult ground to cover here. She is obviously conflicted about what love is, as I think many people are. Being in love is a state that is generally not sustainable, love must evolve, but it is also our concept of love that must evolve.

 

I hope that the two of you are able to work through your issues. I understand that your trust is damaged with her, but i am curious if checking her email is a regular sort of thing that you do. If it is then you already have some trust issues that need to be dealt with, but they can be fixed, however if you were checking her email because you were sensing that there was something askew then there are things that you need to be worked out between you.

 

6 years is a long time and it seems like a real tragedy that it has to be put to the test like this. I am a huge proponent of trying to save a relationship and helping it to grow. Good luck to you and your girl.

[rafael_josem]

He told her things like I love you, i want to be with you, blablabla.. her replies were:

 

I have never met a guy like you, im always thinking about you, etc. Dont remember very well, but it was basically what she said.

 

Another reply was:

 

I want to marry you, be your woman, the mother of your kids, etc. (she has just seen this guy 2 times, when going out with her friends).

 

Anyway, she told me she was just joking about this cause one day he told her, like joking, "you should marry me". I could see in her eyes it was true.

 

When we broke up she told me that some time before she was not feeling the same with me, that our relationship became a routine. I told her that I noticed it, but I guess it was late, cause when I realized it was a routine was like 10 days before all of our problems. It was late to act.

 

Our relationship started in high school, we gave little peace of papers almost everyday saying what we felt to each other, we were very romantic in those times. We spent 3 years acting like that. Since we started college (3 years ago) and we started to work, things changed. We werent that romantic to each other, we couldnt see that often, etc. But there was still love.

 

Sometimes I think that she might not like the guy, but she liked the attention he was paying to her, maybe she was asking to herself, why my boyfriend isnt like this anymore? Does he still loves me? Why im not like this with him either? Am i still in love with him? Maybe those are the questions she asking to herself right now.

 

I went through her email cause i just had a feeling, i dont know why. The strange is that by the time they were writing to each other she never acted different with me, she never changed the way she treated me: sweet, tender, passionate...

 

I trusted her very much, was the first time I checked her email, even though she trusted me her password.

[Papillion]

oh dear.

 

personally, i think she overstepped the line.

 

if it was me, i wouldnt be able to continue.

 

but its not me, its you, so you have to decide if you want to repair this. i have to say 6 years is a long time and if you feel you can repair it then you should try to.

 

but man, i wouldnt be able to live with that.

[Zackinlaw]

The strange is that by the time they were writing to each other she never acted different with me, she never changed the way she treated me: sweet, tender, passionate...

 

That's encouraging ... usually the first sign that you have lost someone's heart is that they withdraw affection. I think it's exactly as she said and you surmised. Things have gotten a bit stale in your relationship, and she was flattered and excited by being shown the kind of attention she got when things were new between you.

 

Was she very wrong? of course she was. But if you want to, it should be fixable. This is a wakeup call though ... you both need to pay more attention to your relationship ... the little things. It needs some water and sunlight. Her heart is still with you, you might not be so lucky next time.

 

Zack.

[Mirrormask]

I think a lot of the time this stuff develops from little things like that; sneaking suspicions and so on. Obviously this other guy is the problem here, so I would try talking with him, but don't start a fight or anything I think you're lucky to have someone that loves you despite all that, even through the communication breakdown, and you should try and talk it out with her, and see if there's anything you can do to bring the trust back. Good luck