Serious problem, Need help bad!!!

[istillluvu06]

Maybe someone can help me t see clearly, as I am not. I am distraught and a complete mess. Ex and I have been broken up for awhile, but been in a back and forth argueing situation for months. I work (worked) for him. On friday he pretty much said he never wants to see me again. So no job now I didnt contact him all weekend, wouldnt anyways.

 

My daughter got into a car wreck on saturday (shes ok thank God) Insurance company called my work (exes) yesterday monday morning looking for me. They wouldnt tell him anything only that they were looking for me due to a car accident. Anyways he flips out, Mesaages me, calls my house about 10 times, had ringer off so I didnt pick up. Turned on messenger and saw he had messaged freaking out asked me to call so I did.

 

He was crying hysterically, hyperventilating, thinking that something had happened to me. Really bad. He was really upset that I didnt let him know.

I didnt let him know because she was fine and wasnt going to get into contact after what he said. he says this: "ok i was worried a LOT

that is what i mean when i say how i feel

yeah maybe things between us are to volatile for a relationship but i will ALWAYS love you and today when i thought somthing bad had happened to you i was pretty much a f**king mess

i hope that you understand what i am trying to say."

 

Talked to him a bit about what happened and he calmed down. I didnt want to talk to him, hurts alot. We talked about work briefly, he said he could use the help but will not discuss the relationship is done, too much for too long.

I do need a job, I cant exist like this, I have looked but cannot find anything as of yet, and I have been a basket case. If you knew where I live you would understand. Anyways I dont really know what to do. The thoughts of seeing him, horrible. But could this be used in a good way to maybe heal things between us, if we werent fighting or discussing the past etc.? Friendship I guess, I don't really know what I'm trying to say.

My emotions are so raw right now. I feel so heartbroken. He did and said lot of meanthings to me last week, to prove how much I hurt him. Kind of getting me back thing. I did hurt him alot in the past(insecurity issues) I have done just about anything I can think of to make up, but I don't think I let it rest or heal. Kept bringing it up. ](*,)

I just put the gas company bill for his shop in my name a couple weeks ago. I'm sure he will pay it, but it makes me mad, alot of things do.

I don't want to feel like some charity case.

I love him still, but don't want to hurt anymore.

What do I do? I'm stuck in a very bad spot. Please help me out with this. I can't sleep, eat, cry all the time. Worried about bills, my daughter , health, Horrible pain of breakup.

Thanks I need some good advice here. I can't see through the murky waters right now.

[Jeffrey2095]

Hi Istillluvu06,

 

While it may be painful, maybe you can just do the job temporarily.

 

Do you live in a really small town?

 

Jeffr

[rokston]

So very sorry that you feel really down right now!! Breakup pain truly is terrible and combined with life's usual complications it can seem impossible to overcome.. BUT it is not!

 

You have nothing to take from the situation at the moment. Yes he does clearly care about you and want you to be ok. You can say he even loves you. BUT he does not want to be in a relationship with you and that is what you want. Currently, you are pulling in different directions and it is not working.

 

So you do have to put some distance between the two of you such that you have an opportunity to heal.

 

Working together does not seem like a good idea, especially given the volatile nature of your communication. Staying in continuous contact is also not good for the same reasons. Both of you have such charged emotions right now that you do not seem capable of functioning as friends.

 

So the only thing that seems sensible is to ease off away from the situation. Do all the practical things necessary to allow you to be independent from him. Try to find peace in your own life.

 

I know it's hard (really do, I am having a terrible day) but what else can you do? Do you really want to stay in the same situation?

 

My best wishes!

[istillluvu06]

Yea and there isnt crap for work here. I moved here 3 years ago to be with him as we were engaged, this was supposed to be my life.

I am afraid either way. Feel disposable and like shi't. He continues on and I am left with nothing after all my hard work and caring. It hurts ALOT.

[Jeffrey2095]

Yea and there isnt crap for work here. I moved here 3 years ago to be with him as we were engaged, this was supposed to be my life.

I am afraid either way. Feel disposable and like shi't. He continues on and I am left with nothing after all my hard work and caring. It hurts ALOT.

 

It is really bad because it keeps you dependant upon him to a big extent.

 

Still, I really see little else for the time being.

 

Perhaps get a solid understanding that this is strictly business, you're helping him, he's paying you.

 

I am sorry to hear about your troubles.

 

Is there a big city near by that you would locate to?

 

edit: I guess I would look for another job anywhere while I worked for him, although I wouldn't tell him about it.

 

Jeff

[istillluvu06]

He said I can work there temporarily anyways till I find something. But the thoughts of being dependent on him make me literally ILL.

If I could relocate right now I would, but there's no way due to alot of circumstances.

He's already said he WIL NOT discuss relationship issues with me again.

My fear is the pain I am going through, don't know how strong I am. To see him after everything that's been said and done.

He still owes me money for last 2 weeks. I don't know

[Jeffrey2095]

He said I can work there temporarily anyways till I find something. But the thoughts of being dependent on him make me literally ILL.

If I could relocate right now I would, but there's no way due to alot of circumstances.

He's already said he WIL NOT discuss relationship issues with me again.

My fear is the pain I am going through, don't know how strong I am. To see him after everything that's been said and done.

He still owes me money for last 2 weeks. I don't know

 

I can see how disappointed and upset you are, so sorry for you.

 

I have faced a few adversities in my time, (like being homeless on and off for 10 years and many times, (almost daily) it seemed as though I would never pull through, and I always did.

 

Somebody up there must like me.

 

I wish I knew an easy way to deal with the pain of heartbreak and disappointment.

 

Now is the time to try and stay focused on the goal of saving enough to move somewhere that will afford you better opportunity.

 

Jeff

[Jeffrey2095]

This might sound kind of desperate, but do you have a credit card or get offers in the mail?

 

Get a couple of em, save money too, and when you are ready, max em out.

 

Also, maybe pick the place you would move to and see if they have an internet classifieds.

 

Wouldn't it be something if that job was there right now?

 

Jeff

[istillluvu06]

Thanks, I am looking at relocating but cant right now. Credit card maxed. Trust me I've been thinking of ways to get money together, but at same time I have everyday bills here now.

I'm ready to drive my car (that needs repairs too!) off a bridge soon!!

[Jeffrey2095]

Thanks, I am looking at relocating but cant right now. Credit card maxed. Trust me I've been thinking of ways to get money together, but at same time I have everyday bills here now.

I'm ready to drive my car (that needs repairs too!) off a bridge soon!!

 

Perhaps searching for a job online at that place you are going to move to will be at least some diversion.

 

I left southern cal, moved to Seattle, had $150 and a backpack, didn't know a soul.

 

BEST decision I ever made!

 

Planning, I did make plans before I left... it was easier knowing I was going to a whole new place and a fresh start, that my circumstance in Cali was only oh so temporary.

 

Do as much as you can in the meantime to prepare for that day.

 

Set your sights high, make sure you are moving to a great place.

 

Jeff

[VoleurDesCoeurs]

edit: I guess I would look for another job anywhere while I worked for him, although I wouldn't tell him about it.

 

I agree with this.

 

I guess it's situations like that that I dont believe in moving for anyone unless Im married. Anything could happen, relationship break up all the time, so to uproot your life for someone, ESPECIALLY whne it benefits him more than you and they realize oh yea I dont want this relationship anymore, you're left with nothing. They hardly remember that you changed around your life just to be with them. It's malicous really. Anyway it's a lesson learned.

 

Find a better job while working for him, make sure you go thru ALL job sites and any means whatsoever and look towards moving as well. Some places pay for relocation.

[KAT MOMMY]

OK-I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I was in a similar situation as you are and I HAD to reach to the sky and hope for the best. Lesson should be learned-you never move/relocate for the sake of love. That is a no-no and he seems like a major jerk. You have a daughter you need to be thinking about and not this jerk! Forget about him and understand that life goes ON! With or without him. I think if he was really serious he would have had a place set up for the three of you to live and build. Also with him owing you money-that is so not a go/ Get your money ASAP-and when you talk to him let MONEY be the topic. Bet you that will make him understand what is going on. DOn't let him snuff you into thinking something will happen becasue when it's done it is over. He doesn't respect your worth and it seems as if there is and has been someone else in his world so please honey-prepare for the worst to happen so when it does come to life you will be able to handle it/ I mean what else would make him just up and end the realtionship=you are saying the town is soooo boring and so not on the rise-so use a bit of common sense. I do apologize if I seem rude but truly I am telling you like it is-so please accept it

 

Good Luck and please hold your head up high-he doesn't deserve you and you are worth more than he can provide. HIs lost not yours

[istillluvu06]

We were engaged and had a home together in the beginning when i moved here. we broke up and then reconciled 5 months later.

We have not lived together since. But I have worked with him.

then we broke up again 3 months ago and it has been an up and down push/pull horrible breakup.

Still love eachother, but no relationship. Long story. I am tired.

It's obvious he doesnt truly care about me or my daughter, I never should have depended on him fully.

Just stuck in a really bad spot right now.

[Jeffrey2095]

We were engaged and had a home together in the beginning when i moved here. we broke up and then reconciled 5 months later.

We have not lived together since. But I have worked with him.

then we broke up again 3 months ago and it has been an up and down push/pull horrible breakup.

Still love eachother, but no relationship. Long story. I am tired.

It's obvious he doesnt truly care about me or my daughter, I never should have depended on him fully.

Just stuck in a really bad spot right now.

 

I knew a girl who was able to get public housing, and moved in the middle of the night.

 

It took her a year to get it and she took her daughter with her.

 

Now, this was in Seattle, smaller towns, (if they are not so small they don't have public housing) can get you in in 30 days.

 

For instance, I have a disabled friend who got into housing in Omak Washington in 30 days.

 

Search for public housing in your state at towns of about 50,000.

 

That's big enough to have it, but the waiting list might not be long.

 

Good luck again, gonna be happy to hear you tell us it's all gona be alright.

 

Jeffr

[istillluvu06]

Thanks I am trying to weigh up all my options and talk to my daughter, she is very insightful. I wish I just could stop loving this guy. I've done alot of things wrong in my life, and bad choices, but why do I suffer so badly. Just hurts so much.