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9 years and I finally had the balls.

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So after 9 years of being together and months of going back and forth and him not deciding what he wanted I finally QUIT!


He told me last night that I was smothering him when I thought things were working back to things being at a good point. So obviously I was wrong. He said that me never having confidence on myself is what caused us to drift apart.. but in reality it was him never commiting and emailing other girls and planning trips with other girls behind my back. Regardless if they were friends it's not right and I'm sticking to my ground on that. Seriously who goes off to a week trip with a "friend" of the other sex and hide it from their partner..


ok ok so that's the anger in me. But I seriously was waiting on him to see that things could work out again. After all he did I forgave him and still wanted to be with him. But in the end he wanted to just be on his own but keep me around. So no more calling him or talking to him or txting him. I finally had the balls after last night to tell him I can' do this anymore. I QUIT!


I went to a funeral on Saturday and my aunt died at the age of 45. She just got married 2 years ago and never told anyone she was sick. She didn't tell anyone until 2 wks ago when the hospital already sent her home because there wasn't anything else they could do. She didn't get married until 43 and no kids. I felt sooo selfish at the funeral thinking I didn't want that for myself.


I told my ex that I deserve more than this and he said I deserved more than him. I DIDN'T say that ARGGhh I deserve more after 9 years of being together that he was still unsure of what he wanted so I stood up for myself and finally given up.


I want to be friends but I don't think that can happen anytime soon. He told me "are you sure you want to cut all ties? is this something you will regret?"

i cried all night and i'm still crying about what I did. But I know I had to. I want to be friends but it hurts too much and I'm tired of crying about it. No more asking advice on what to do or how to fix it. I just want it to stop hurting and make the tears stop.

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You did the right thing hon; this was about more than him not wanting marriage - there were some much bigger issues at play here.


My advice? It is going to be VERY hard after nine years, but you need to limit contact (and I would say no contact for now) for the next while as it seems to me he is trying to turn it around on you ("is this something YOU will regret") to get you to waver a bit on your decision.


It is going to hurt for a while, but things WILL get better - believe in that for yourself.





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Hey There,


Your username says it all, doesn't it?


After 9 years I think you know that he doesn't have the same relationship goals you do, or at least not with you.


It will be hard, but you can start over, and by removing someone who doens't want what you want, you allow the chance for someone who shares your relationship goals to come into the picture, when the time is right and you feel ready.


I'm sorry to hear about your aunt. Sometimes a crisis like that is what makes us be able to see more clearly when our needs aren't being met.



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I think it just finally hit me and know that I don't want that to be me. As harsh as that sounds I don't. I think I deserve more. All my insecurities have built up from the years of the lack of commitment. Wondering and waiting has drove me nuts. Now I'm debating whether I want a friendship or not. I know it's not a good idea now but will it ever be?


My guess is after some time and space you will probably find that a friendship is not in your best interests. Occasionally ex's can remain friends, but more often than not the history between them makes it more difficult than it's worth.

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thanks for the post Hope75, I think it's going to be a while till I start even considering him as a friend. Although I know he will still be there and want to be friends. I just don't think I'm ready. I need some selfish time.


I don't think you are selfish because you need to distance yourself from your ex on the heels of your break up.


We can only really be friends with an ex when you can truly feel joy for him when he finds love with someone else, and visa versa. For some, that is never achieved.


I wish you the best of luck with everything.

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i think he said i deserved more than him as pitty cop-out.


I don't think you are understanding what i meant.


When men say you don't deserve them, they mean it because they do not care about you the way you do them and most likely they have already betrayed you.


Once they say that you don't deserve them they already have a foot and a half out the door. Women who disagree and plead wtih them are wasting their time.


When a man says "I don't deserve you" tell him "i think you are right"...and then turn on your heel and leave.

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Hey honey


Aw - I am really sorry to hear about this, I really am. But you know what - this guy really has done you a favour.


"All my insecurities have built up from the years of the lack of commitment.".


You deserve so much better than this and whilst it will hurt to get through this, you will be in a better place when you do.


Holidays and weekends do make things harder, but take things a day at a time and build from there. Little baby steps for now - definitely no marathons for now!


Take care darling - it will get easier.



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