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Breaking up after 6 years

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I am so frustated. I am 25 my boyfriend is 29 and we've been together for 6 years. I have a 7 year old son that is not his. I had him in the relationship before him. He has been married before I keep thinking he's gonna change but still hasn't. He still doesn't know what he wants after 6 years , Ex. marriage, kids etc... We had a fight last night and he was saying how he doesn't want to stay in this area (I do). He doesn't want to be any kind of father figure to my son and marriage ...he doesn't like to hear the word.

Well my problem is we still do alot together ....on weekends and sometimes after work and we are good friends and well as boyfriend and girlfriend. I also trust him more than I trust anyone, including my family. It's just that we have a terrible romantic relationship. He has said I love mabye 5 times in the past 6 years. We never hug kiss or anything else. I want to settle down and he doesn't. What should I do?

Do I stay with him because of the comfort of having someone or do I break up with him. And if I break up him how do I go about it. I tried once before and makes me feel guilty.


Thank you for your help



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  • 2 weeks later...

Breaking up is an ugly business, even under the most pleasant of circumstances. But I think it's definitely time to consider calling it quits with this guy. You need to consider not only your comfort and future, but also that of your child. This guy doesn't sound like he's willing to go the distance for either one of you. Maybe he just needs time to mature and find out what he really wants instead of continuing with you when he isn't capable of doing so in a productive fashion. It's time to break up, for sure. If you are not ready to break it off fully, perhaps you should consider taking a break so that both of you can think about what you want out of life and your relationships. During this period you should have NO contact whatsoever for the period of time you specify and stick to it. During this time alone, be honest with yourself and decide what is best for you and your child. Don't allow yourself to settle for something you don't really want just because it's comfortable. You owe it to yourself and your child to find the right guy, if any guy at all.


As for the actual break up, it will be hard. You will feel guilty.You will miss him. There will be a lot of raw feelings involved...especially after six years. But you should not sacrifice what's right for what's easiest.


I hope you can use anything I've had to say in this respeonse. Take care.

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