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Almost divorced and still confused


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So my husband had an affair well it is still on going I was crushed to find out this had happened. He lied cheated when on business trips with this woman. I filed for divorce, he was shocked to hell that I would do something like that. Now he is an alcholic and so is the girly. I have had this going on for months. He has moved to an apartment. It is still so hard after 20 plus years of marriage to be rejected. We have 3 kids. One in college one on his way next year and a 11 year old. How long should I wait to be able to trust him again. If ever he has hurt me so bad. He told me he would drop this woman if he could come back to the house and live. Should I believe him? I told him I was moving out of town.

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Good Job again Jessr, you're right on the money!!

 

Let him back in the door. You are not ready to be on your own and neither is he. Don't let it become a revolving door for him to move in and out of at will.

 

You will do well to read up on some good books that deal with infidelity. This will be a very painful year and you should probably seek counciling, because you'll need to have a lot of questions answered, but you don't want to go overboard that can be very damaging too.

 

This is a huge burst to your self esteme and he'll need to bend over backwards to make things up to you. Let him come back little by little. Don't expect to have him walk right in and take over like he is used to doing. He'll have to ask for your forgiveness many times and say he is sorry many times...Maybe he has learned his lesson.

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I'm divorced. I found the courage when I realized I was living my life for him and not myself. Are you living your life to revolve around his needs only, and not meeting your own needs? It seems he has a host of issues.

He's definitely not respecting himself-drinking and seeing other women.

You're right to try and make things better. Will you be able to live with yourself once divorced? Think about that. If you think you'll have ANY regrets for divorcing him--don't do it. Make a list of the pros and cons of divorcing him. Honestly. I had to do that myself to get it straight in my head. Label one column PROS and the other column CONS, and make a list.

 

Of course he wants you to stay. You're probably the only stable and reliable thing in his life. Since there's a young child involved, try to stick it out. Try to go get couples counseling, it may help. Pray, and go with your gut.

 

All the best

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  • 2 weeks later...

dont let him back in.

he would drop her, IF you let him back in? NO.

he should get as far away from her as he can and prove his love to you, before you even think about giving him a second chance.

dont go for the IF, make him prove it to you.

i am there with you, i know how it hurts and i feel for you.

i am sending you a big hug, keep you head held high.

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  • 2 weeks later...

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