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Did he or didn't he cheat?


Confused Newlywed
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Hi everyone

 

I have a complex problem and not sure which way to turn. Here goes...I'm at a loss as to what to do next....

 

I have been married a few months and my husband and I are deeply in love. We hate being apart but something was bothering my husband about a fortnight ago and he would not tell me what it was. I asked a few times and he said it was ok......then I thought he would tell me when he is ready. I left it at that. He never told me what was bothering him. He was quiet and not his usual self.

 

2 weeks yesterday my world fell apart! I was contacted by a woman who told me that my husband had slept with her the week before - the week he had been very quiet. We met this woman about 2 weeks before that and I did not like her from the word go. What she said to me and said to my husband were 2 different things. She has a small circle of friends so we had her over for dinner and coffee one night.

 

I spoke with my husband straightaway and he denied sleeping with her. I guess my problem is now that I thought I trusted him but find I always have a niggle in the back of my mind every time he is a bit late or does not return my call straightaway at work or even gets a call and I dont know who it is.......is it her again....i hate this feeling.....and i keep saying to myself could he do that to me?

 

I am going round in circles at moment so would love someone out there to help me out....I am in despair sometimes.......he says he loves me dearly

 

I hate this woman for breaking such a wonderful trusting relationship by even suggesting that he slept with her.....where do i go from here? I love him so much that even if he did sleep with her I dont know that I could throw him out.....how can i build that trust again.....should i ask him again if he slept with her....so many questions and so few answers.....

 

Help me please.

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Hey Confused,

Ok I feel for ya and I am gonna try my best to help ya out, I know what it is like to not trust. Relax a bit first off cause I know how easy it is to let you mind get away from you and to start thinking all these things like what possibly happened. Let me start by tossing out this that has helped me the most: ever heard the expression "Innocent until proven guilty."? Well criminals get that right, I think you should allow that to your husband at the very least.

 

But I would talk with him again cause I am a strong believer that two people who want a serious future together need to be able to honestly and openly communicate their feelings, concerns, worries... etc. and have the other person listen and take them seriously. So tell him that even though you believe what he tells you, you find yourself concerned when he gets a call, or doesn't call you back right away ever since this whole thing happened. Tell him honestly and through in how you feel like these feeling just come to you, out of your control, and you don't want them to come cause you have always trusted him (I am assuming you have) and still have trust in him but you don't know what to do about it. Make it sound like it's something that is happening to you ever since this phone call you got and it's something you want him to help you get through.

 

I am thinking it may be good to make it sound like a team thing. You're married right? You two are a team in this life trying to better it for the both of you so I think there should be no problem asking for his help with this little un-wanted trust thing in the way back of your mind.

 

So feel free to post all the questions you have about all of this and I know I will read it and do what I can to help ya out. Just like I am sure the rest of us here will. Remember, even though you may not know us here at enotalone, we are all here for ya, and batting on your side. Take care, keep us updated.

 

Your buddy,

-John

 

"When you haven't got a prayer,

You've got a prayer in me."

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