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Hello, I'm a 21 year old virgin who's never had a Girlfriend


estevan_carlos
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you want a common thread?

 

we go to the world wide web to talk about this $hit, we never feel comfortable enough with actual people to talk about this.

 

we could all list a sh!tload of things that are phucked up in our lives, but they aren't reasons... for us they're excuses. we are the voice of our generation. we are smart enough to realize how phucked up and impossible everything is, and we use it as an excuse to do nothing whatsover. crippled by t.v. we think we can achieve some sort of actualization by sitting around and doing nothing about nothing, and we let it bother the hell out of us... well, we're older, and the t.v. and the internet doesn't coddle us like it used'ta... now we want something real to cuddle with, and we have trouble doing that because nothing we've done up until now is real... its all just binary code and electromagnetic waves in this great ball of absurdity on which we travel...

 

man i'm drunk.

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First of all, am I the only one that was deeply disturbed by real amour's post? Especially this paragraph:

 

Now that I found a wonderful man (a very non virgin), as I said I realize all those guys were virgins and were repressed for some reason. You have to make mistakes to get experience. I too now see this as I married my only lover (big mistake).

 

You sound both full of regret and contradiction. You met a wonderful man to whom you regret being married? Or do you regret having only had sex with him? I think it sounds like you might be regretting never getting involved with those guys who were virgins and are spiteful about it now. Also, "you have to make mistakes to get experience"??? Wow , I hope that you don't truly believe that. Experience is having lived through or participated in some kind of event, act, etc. Experience does not have to be a "mistake" to be gained.

 

All this to say that I wasted a lot of time on these 'friends' whom I really liked, but because they lacked the confidence that 'having lost it' gives you, we could never get together.

 

Any you couldn't have made a move or tried to become closer to any of them? If not "having lost it" means that you don't have the confidence to get together, how does ANYONE ever get together with someone for the first time?? The following is really disturbing, too:

 

It will boost your confidence and you will end up in a wonderful relationship, but you have to be willing to fumble through, make mistakes. You know no one is really an expert in this and every person you feel sexual feelings for is a different experience. A virgin girl is not so bad but since a girl cannot make a guy love her, the first real sexual moves has to come from the guy.

 

Are you saying that having sex will guarantee that you will end up in a wonderful relationship?? So how do you explain all the one-night stands that happen all the time? Also, who said that the girl can't make the first sexual move? Real amour, it sounds like you're of a traditional mindset where the guy needs to ask out the girl, make the first move, etc., and there's not necessarily a problem with that, but in today's day and age, this could mean that you'll miss out a lot of great dates, so I really hope that most people reading your response don't take your comments to heart.

 

Wait for a girl you really feel hot for for your first time, even do it with a friend who is a non-virgin since the person will certainly still be friends wtih you and go through things slowly You will be a better person for it.

 

Hoo boy... I can't tell you all the stories I've heard of people that were "just" friends deciding to have sex with each other, getting really weirded out by it, and never being the same again. (On the other side, though, I do know people that don't have a problem with this).

 

Had I figured this out earlier on in life, I would not have built up this hurt over my virginal, non-confident, maybe repressed male friends, who today probably feel that they passed up an awesome girl!!!!!

 

It sounds like you might be living in a world of regret and depression today (my apologies if I'm wrong), so I hope that you're seeking help so that this doesn't rub off on your kids or your marriage.

 

Take care,

RandomFellow

 

P.S. For the sake of relevance to this topic, I too am a virgin and am almost 27 like I just mentioned in a recent post to a related message thread, although I don't have much more to say here that I didn't say there.

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  • 3 weeks later...

It stated when i was young. I never had any friends before school due to where i lived (on the beach in FL). I never went to Preschool and kindergarden was tough--due to my mom being in the hospital and my terrible teacher. From there out i was quiet and shy in school till 10th grade or so. School was never easy for me parcially from the lack of social and being thin and little. I am a late bloomer. made it hard. I always thoght I was behind 3 years.

 

I think part of my problem, because girls dont really see me as a masculine figure. I had alot of social problems in elementary and middle school, and I got the social part relatively fixed, but I have never been comfortable with physical intimacy. I am actually still really afraid of people in general, unless I know them, and I tend to be intimidated by men, unless they are the quiet sensitive types.

Whenever I get attracted to a girl, I feel stuck...it's almost like I cannot envision myself being a sexual masculine person, I feel like I am stuck as a little boy in that respect. I remember I used to worry about it from a very early age, like when I was 10 i was so worried about the day in the future when i would want to ask a girl on a date, etc. A while back, when I was maybe 19 or so I used to ask myself, "When I was 10 I wasnt sexual and neither were most of my peers, Now I am 19 and most of them are sexual and I am not....where did we diverge?" Now I realise the problem did not start in my teens but rather goes back to my earliest childhood.

SAME here--almost exactly

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Man hate u sound exactly like me dude and u have all the same problems.Like me im usually shy around new people except for my friends i can talk loosely and just have fun and act like a moronr.Same girl problem too man i mean when i like acertain girl and when i look at them i just cant see them with me or anything.I feel to low to their standards and feel like they probably think i dont look good to them at all.Like that why would they be going out with me if they can go out with somebody better although the person might not although i see it that way.

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Don't worry guys, you're not alone! I'm also a virgin and I'm 19. Never been on a date or even made good friends with any girl. I try not to think of it as a bad thing. Nor do I try to think of it as a good thing either. I just consider myself different from a lot of people in that sense. Not to say that they are 'better' than me or that I am 'better' than them at all. It just so happens to be this way, and I've learned to accept it. I know, it gets real tough sometimes and you just can't help it. I've tried getting God into my life again and I've also been trying to keep myself busy with coursework and other hobbies. And I know what they always say: you need to go out and make some more friends, etc. and don't worry about it so much and then you will find someone one day. I suggest that if you haven't already that you try to set some new goals for yourself each week (try not to make them too hard to achieve in one week!) and see how it all goes. Good luck everyone!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I still have the same problem as most of the people in this thread. But im trying to find out why...

 

I think its because I've always been very self conscious, I am skinny and look alot younger than i am.

 

for years throughout high school I would just think of avoiding relationships with girls, because I feel as if because im different from other people, that no one will accept me for who I am. This is because I havent accepted myself for who I am. Which in turn leads to lower self esteem.

 

and from reading all the post of ppl who havent had girlfriends, I've come to the conclusion that they avoid contact with new people (especially females). and they keep running away from people because they are in secure. thereforeeee they become more and more socially inept and never become happy with who they are.

 

you notice the people that have had many relationships and friends always seem to be "better" than yourself. Thats because while you've been in hiding, afraid to face the world. they've been out there meeting new people, striking up convo's, whatever, because they know who they are, from learning through other people that they are just as good as everyone else.

 

The answer lies within yourself

 

no ones going to get a girlfriend for you, you have to man up and get out there, you only live once and you can't expect to be happy by hiding from yourself.

 

Im not saying this is the reason for every guy thats never had a g/f, But from reading these posts its the best conclusion i can come up with.

 

I_Kicked_Kennedy is thinking in the right direction.

 

 

 

 

BTW. just out of curiosity, how many people who havent had a girlfriend, have had girls as friends??

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Im goin through the same thing, and I understand how it feels when you see other peoples lives and relationships, and I just feel like I'm kinda being left behind in the romance and family section of life. Even thought I don't have the answers because I'm dealing with same problems, I do know that when I start to feel like I'm not going anywhere I just say to myself that there is someone out there and maybe I won't meet them today or tomarrow or maybe even a year from now, I do know I will not be alone. Your 21 and you have alot of life to be lived, and you have alot of women to choose from. So don't feel as if you are loosing touch with something that everyone else has, but focus on yourself and what you would like in a women, when you find out what your looking for personlity wise or looks whatever it maybe, it might be a little easier to find someone if you know what your looking for.On another note I'm a virgin and I get alot of crap from people, but I comfortable with my decision, and someday I will find the someone, and I hope you do to.

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Wow smae "I think its because I've always been very self conscious, I am skinny and look alot younger than i am.

 

for years throughout high school I would just think of avoiding relationships with girls, because I feel as if because im different from other people, that no one will accept me for who I am. This is because I havent accepted myself for who I am. Which in turn leads to lower self esteem.

"

 

Crzy! I've had many friends that were girls.---

 

For me its hard to even get real good friends.---but the ones i have are still my friends over many years.

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I always knew i wasn't alone in all this but it is cool to actually read people admiting to the same kind of stuff that affects me.

 

I identify with a lot of the stuff that has been written here, and could probably add another essays worth of stuff about my own neurosis and tales of woe as well as all the explanations and excuses I have thought of over the years.

 

Anyway I recently turned 24 and I'm still a virgin. I am not the most confident guy in the world when it comes to girls and I have terminal 'Nice Guy Syndrome'

 

Sometimes I feel like a freak other times I'm cool with it. It could just be that I just havn't met the right girl yet? (it's a cliche' but doesn't mean it can't be true) I have been out with girls, although never more than a couple of months. I can accept that I am not a handsome stud of a guy and I am comfortable with myself (crap hair, acne scars, personality defects and all )

 

When I was about 16 I made the decision that the first girl I slept with would have to be someone I loved and trusted and who felt the same about me. If I was religious it might make more sense but its just the way I feel.

 

As i get older and more cynical, i wonder if maybe i'm being naive and i might have to forget my romantic ideals. I sometimes worry it's all an excuse and I maybe need to get help before I can get on with my life. Maybe I have deep rooted rejection issues and problems with self-esteem etc... MAYBE I JUST THINK TOO DAMN MUCH!!! i dunno...

 

Like I said I could write for ever, I just needed to add something.

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  • 3 years later...

i feel the same way i am 19 and i never had a girlfriend i guess im just shy like i don't know how to approach a girl. im in a situation where i really like this girl and i known her for a moth before i told her that i liked her and if we can be more than just friends and she she told me that she wasn't ready to get in a relationship because she had just got out of one, and she told me that she likes me too, i thought i understood what she meant by saying she not ready (she need time & space) from that day on i given her space for her to think but i never had the guts to ask her so i just kept it to myself and thought of when it the right time for me to ask but the time never came.

 

i admit i am really shy towards a girl i like.

 

but love is something really special it doesn't happen over night, you gotta be committed and just be yourself toward the person, and it very hard to find.

 

most of the time i stop to think and wonder "would i ever find someone that like me for who i am or anyone to love. i would be really open to if i ever find someone who love me for who i am i. would try my best to make her understand that i feel the same way, by telling her how much i love her and alway be there for her when she feels down or need to talk about anything

 

but it not all that bad i guess it not the end of the world if you dont have a girlfriend there are also positive side beside girls you got your family and friends who love you and im pretty sure someone you really like and someone special well come along someone who loves you and can be more than a girlfriend some who love you not for your looks or fame, because love it not all about the look it come from the heart if a girl or a guy like you just for the look and not there personality there it more of a chance the relationship wont last as long and you'll just end up hurting yourself even more.

 

every one different and and beautiful in there own way just give it time and everyone of us will find someone just dont stop believing and not to give up

 

i admit i thought of giving up, thought there would never be anyone out there for me but think of all the people you meet everyday and im pretty sure one of those day could be the day you find someone you hardly know to someone you really like :

 

and it doesn't matter how old or what size or look you be lucky and you should be happy who you love cause love is hard to find and age is juts a number

 

if its ok for me to ask if a 19 -20 year old guy like a 15 yr girl or dating a 15 yr old girl would you consider that wrong?

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I think part of my problem, because girls dont really see me as a masculine figure.

 

Whenever I get attracted to a girl, I feel stuck...it's almost like I cannot envision myself being a sexual masculine person, I feel like I am stuck as a little boy in that respect.

 

I think you've nailed the core and fundamental problem and summed everything up in these two sentences. It's the same problem I feel, and I'm a 31 y/o virgin guy that has this 'little boy' feeling that I cant appeal to women as a sexual masculine - cool and confident type of guy.

 

I live with a controlling mom and with my parents and am sort of a momma's boy. But at some fundamental level - I'm not a sexual masculine man and this is the type of feeling that I can identify with this post, the OP's post and other similar posts on this thread.

 

I remember I used to worry about it from a very early age, like when I was 10 i was so worried about the day in the future when i would want to ask a girl on a date, etc. A while back, when I was maybe 19 or so I used to ask myself, "When I was 10 I wasnt sexual and neither were most of my peers, Now I am 19 and most of them are sexual and I am not....where did we diverge?" Now I realise the problem did not start in my teens but rather goes back to my earliest childhood.

SAME here--almost exactly

 

I use to have same issues in childhood. First of all, I was never accepted as socially popular in school or within the 'in-crowd'. When it came to girls, it seemed that I was always out of it and while boys my age would go after girls in the school yard, I'd just stay by myself or just be rather withdrawn about it. This is the later grades of elementary school.

 

Prior to that I was a bit of an outcast or social loner in the other schools and often bullied and teased. Maybe your childhood experience is not as bad as mine, but I do see some similarities.

 

Interesting point. I would wonder if any other people on here that are past a certain age, without girlfriend experience, who feel that they are not a sexual masculine man who have had bad childhood experiences fall into some sort of pattern.

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It's nice to read what kind of fantasies people have before they get into a serious relationship for the first time: "it'll be just like returning to the Garden of Eden", love, bla bla bla...

 

In reality, relationships nowadays are just plain math - look for the benefits you can get with a person and you'll be heading for the presidency, that does not mean that there is no such thing as love involved in all this - it only appears much later - you can't fall in love with a person in a few weeks or months, it takes a load more than a year... This is the reason why there are tons of lonely guys out there - don't search for 'love' all the time and cry your pillow wet, but find somebody to hang out with on a regular basis (look for a friend first, love comes later)...

 

Wonder what happened to the author of this thread - It's been more than 3 years since the last post here...

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It's all too easy for the non virgins to pitch in their two cents,..............but there is anothe side to that.

 

There is lack of confidence in that way, but people treat it like it a problem or abnormality. I don't think they would understand what it is like. I only had one gf, but still can't comment on that.

 

It makes virgins the better people.

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Haha, right back at ya. I'm in the same situation.....21, female, virgin, never dated, had bf, or kissed......wish I could give you some advise, but I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Guess it doesn't help that I'm shy around guys I'm attracted to though. But, just hang in there and maybe try to put yourself in an environment with lot of women (work, clubs, or through friends, etc.) Good luck!

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I am a 21 year old virgin, male, who's never had a girlfriend. Sometimes i'm embarrassed and sometimes i'm not. It is a peculiar lifestyle though because i'm losing touch with what most of society seems to be familiar with. As their lives form and shape around relationships and families, mine does not. I'm not always sad about it. Sometimes it makes no difference but i do fear it continuing like this. I do suspect it will not become healthy for my mind and body in the long run.

 

Is there anyone here who relates?

 

Meh

 

you'll be right

 

really not a big deal

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I am a 21 year old virgin, male, who's never had a girlfriend. Sometimes i'm embarrassed and sometimes i'm not. It is a peculiar lifestyle though because i'm losing touch with what most of society seems to be familiar with. As their lives form and shape around relationships and families, mine does not. I'm not always sad about it. Sometimes it makes no difference but i do fear it continuing like this. I do suspect it will not become healthy for my mind and body in the long run.

 

Is there anyone here who relates?

 

I can relate, and them some

 

Depressed 25 year old virgin, who's never dated.

 

"You are not alone"

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