What are the chances we will get back together.

[cawls]

i met the girl of my dreams 2 years ago and i was so happy. we have had our ups and dows like any other relationship. at the beggining of the relationship i was possesive and she broke up with me, i loved her more than any thing so changed and was not possesive any more. we broke up another 2 times but we always got back together. i have been stressed recently due to having a low paid job and been able to do much. things had been dull for the past 3 weeks. the other night me and my girlfriend were about to go to bed and we had a silly little fight, she got up and said she thinks we should break up and just left. i was pure gutted because i was not expecting it. i tried to get her to stay but she was very adement to leave. the next day i tried calling her but she just kept hanging up on me, then i finally got through to her and asked her if there was a chance that we might bget back as time goes on she said no, so i asked if we could just be friends and she said no it will be too hard. so at this point i feel i have lost her for good and am totally upset. she said she got sick and the spark had gone, she said she didnt love me like she used to. this really tore me up because i love her more than any thing i cant even begin to describe how much i love her because i would be here all day. she told me that there is no one else and its not my fault and that shejust wanted to be left alone. its been 4 days since we broke up now and this is the 2nd day i ahve not made contact with her. i honestly didnt realise how much i loved her until i lost her. i just need her back in my life weather its as friends or lovers. but the most important thing is that she is happy.

 

can any one give me any advice on how to get her back or what my chances are that we will get back..

 

 

thanks

[phil1981UK]

Sounds like shes already it laid it on the line fella, she just dont want you and you gotta accept it, if you dont you'll spend ages tearing yourself up about it.

 

She has made it clear there is no chance of getting back together so forget that, all you can do now is move on, its a cliche, but time will make it easier, youll start to look at other girls, then when you feel ready you start dating again too.

 

I was in an 8 year relationship, when all of a sudden, she was gone! What was the most difficult to deal with was the being alone thing and missing all the things that you shared together, from watching certain tv programmes to what you did at the weekend, I couldnt imagine what I was going to with my time without her. Well that was a few months ago and now I have more friends then ever, a better social life, Im learning new things and have a new girl.

 

The bottom line is, grieve for a few weeks, then start to build your own life, get your own interests, chuck away all the CD's that you shared and get new ones that have no meaning to your relationship, take the chance to do stuff you always wanted to but never have. Get up, get out and get busy, trust me, you will feel more alive then you ever have before.

 

Good luck.

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Cawls

 

I sorry you you are going through this, but I am also glad you came to this site when you did.

 

First thing you need to know, is that, no one needs to be at fault for these things to happen. people can change, their needs change, what they thought they wanted at one time is no longer what they want now.

 

I am sure that these little arguments stem from her conflict inside of her, and iam sure this is something she has been thinking about doing for a long while, that little spat you had was just the straw that broke the camels back, it was just the excuse she needed to justify her leaving.

 

I am not saying she is wrong, a matter of fact, she may see something is missing where you think its a ok. who knows maybe a year from now you would have done the same as she did.

 

ok lets get to your best course of action.

 

Do not contact her, do not "accidently" bump into her, or talk to her friends and family to talk to her, I know that you will think up many things you believe that will help the situation, it wont.

 

Do not sell yourself (youll never find someone like me or no one will love you like me) dont beg (please come back, i swear things will be better)

 

you will be tempted to do anything and everything to win her back, but the best thing you can do, is nothing!! except, get on with your life, dont get me wrong, im not saying its a lost cause, but you need to let her sort things out, she needs to view her relationship with you from the outside to see if it was ok, she was unhappy in it, and like a burning house, ran out, but she is probably not even sure why.

 

many dont get the reasoning behind the no contact rule, they think its a pride thing or power play etc. no its not, the reasons are simple: If you pressure her, or make her feel guilty or bad for leaving, YOU WILL PUSH HER FURTHER AWAY, period! she will justify her actions even more, lowering even more any possibility that she will come back again. or even want to talk to you. And by looking needy and desperate you lower your value in her eyes.

 

The other reason is, you need this time to heal, healing not just the hurt and broken heart , but also the anger and mistrust you have (although at this stage your still stunned) but those feelings are there underneath, and even if she was to comeback tomorrow, those repressed feelings will affect your relationship with her, so by allowing time to heal, you increase the chances that if she ever does come back things will be better then before.

 

The less contact you make with her (zero is 1000 times best) the sooner you can heal and when your not hurt anymore, then you are ready for her or any other relationship.

 

And I say this, you may need to move on, you may think she is your one and only soulmate, but she is not. you may want to think youll never find happiness again, but you will. you may think you could never love someone like that again and your right, it will be better!

 

this may take weeks or years, but usually its 2-6 months. youll know, when your happy with what your doing in your life, when you go days or weeks and dont even think about her, and if you do, it doesnt bother you anymore. at that point is when your ready for love again, hers or someone else.

 

right now, take advantage of this time to heal, and improve yourself, change your hair style, buy some new cloths, join a gym, or go jogging. take some courses. paint the house, re-arrange the furniture in your place, buy some new music (that you didnt share with her). do some traveling, visit a city you never been to. all these things will help this time go by. you will feel all sorts of emotions, dont hold back, if you need to cry, do it, if your angry, write it down on paper let your frustrations out, these feelings will come and eventually you will let them go. its all normal.

 

take care of yourself now.

good luck

[cawls]

a few people have told me to give her space and do not contact her and thats what i am going to do.

 

in this time i am going to sort my life out by getting a new job etc, i want to change my life for the better.

 

i will just contact her after amonth or so to see how she is doing, and try and take things slow. people have told me that i will find some one who i love more but i honestly dont think i could. i dont want to date other people because it wouldnt be fair as if my ex asked me to go bk i would. i really cant imagine been with any one else. when me andmy ex first got together she told me " i knew we would be together" i asked how she said "well if you want something so badly and try your hardest you can get it" and i want her so badly i will try my hardest.

 

if i can only have her as a friend its better than her been out of mylife all together

[cawls]

im just glad there is people out there like yous, kind and helpful...thanx and hope it works out for every one in our position.

[soredtherose]

This is a tough one. I agree with everyone else's advice about not contacting her. However, it doesn't mean you won't ever get back together.

There is no way to predict what she will do.

I have been grieving a break up from 4 months ago, I thought it was over for good and my ex just told me the other day he truly misses me, is still in love with me and wants to get back together slowly after he worls on himself. This is after he told me we never would be together again.

This girl may just be very angry and not really realizing her loss yet. My ex admitted he was just very hurt and angry and as soon as I backed off and said I was moving on and getting over him, he came right over and revealed of this information. But it took 4 months.

So there's no way to know. Sometimes people just need space and time to heal and to realize what their missing.

But then again, it's different for everyone and it's best if you just to remain strong and heal and take care of yourself.