have strong feelings for this guy and I don't want to lose

serendipity · January 24, 2003

I need some advise fast/soon. Please. I'm a freshman in college and there's a prom type dance coming up soon and so I need to know what I should do.

Here's some background information on my situation. I met this guy the summer of my junior year in high school when we both went to a summer program. He was part of a different program up there but we got to know each other rather well. When I met him, the first day of the program, I knew that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with this guy, but I wasn't interested in having a relationship b/c we were both in high school from different states and it was only a 6 week summer program so I'd never see him again after the program. Well, as the summer passed, the two of us grew inseperable but there was no relationship at this point. We were two extremely (I mean extremely) close friends, who spent every moment of the day together. Anyways, the summer ended and both of us went home vowing to keep in touch. However, it didn't work out. But amazingly, as senior year in high school progressed and we both took college tours to diff. universities we kept running into ppl from each other's schools so we kept finding out how each other was doing. In April of senior year, I learned that he was going to go to a different college, and that was ok with me b/c I hadn't seen him in a year and at the same time he found out where I was planning to go.

On the very first day on campus, for orientation this year (freshman year in college), I saw him. You won't believe my surprise to see him, however he wasn't at all astonished. In fact, we started spending time together right away. As the semester progressed, I knew more and more that I'd like to have a relationship with this guy and he even hinted at it himself several times. However, when I finally had enough courage to bring the idea up in October he said that he wasn't interested in a relationship at this time because of three reasons (1. he had just ended a relationship in high school and didn't feel ready to start a new one 2. worried about ruining our current friendship 3. college work). So I said ok and we never talked about that night again. However, since that time he's mentioned his strong desire to meet my family. One day we were talking about the future and he said that he knew one thing for sure in a serious tone that "no matter where I was in 10 year's he'd be right next to me supporting me." Also, my university has a prom-like dance coming up this Saturday and he and I are going to it. We both returned back on campus this Monday, but I haven't seen him yet. Should I be the one to break the ice and see him before the dance on Saturday?

Also, he spoke to one of my friends online and told her that he was thinking about a relationship with me but wasn't sure about it. So does that mean that we're more than friends? If so, is there anyway that I can help him decide without making it seem to obvious?

I have strong feelings for this guy and I don't want to lose him, meaning ever since that summer program, he's the only guy that I've ever seen myself in a possible relationship with. I've never thought about dating anyone else but him. Please help, what should I do?

mermayd · January 25, 2003

I think that the reasons he gave you for not being in a relationship right now are accurate and true. He needs time and space before he gives his heart away. It sounds to me that he cherishes you deeply and loves you as a friend if not more. He probably wants to ahve more than a friendship with you but he is frightened, plus, college can be rather stressful. The only advice I can give you is to continue to be the loyal, caring, and compassionate friend that he sees you as. Whenhe is ready for more, he will let you know so just be patient.

If he wants to meet your parents, let him meet them. Make sure they dont veiw him as a bf, it may scare him a bit. But do it as a friendly gesture. And about the dance, just go as friends. Let him make any moves on you and you can just go along. If you wanna call him up before and go out for coffe and talk about your life and where it stands right now, I dont see that as being anything but friends, so go for it. Give him the offer, but let him take it from there.

If it is meant to be then you have nothing to worry about. Just dont change.