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I don't know what to do - need help


painfullyshy
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My situation is a bit complicated so bear with me...

 

I have lived with my boyfriend for eight years, but three of those years I have been extremely unhappy in the relationship because my boyfriend is so possessive, jealous, controlling and emotionally manipulative - he uses sulking and silent treatment to bully me into doing what he wants...and he is extremely selfish and insensitive.

 

So your probably thinking well get out and leave then..but for me it is not so simple 3 years ago I got struck down with chronic illness and financially I couldn't afford to move out so I confess I just kept my head down and lived with the situation to keep the peace. I'm only just been able to work a few hours a week this last year so its very slow progress saving the money to get a place of my own and get my independence...I also started doing driving lessons which is expensive. (Just so you know I financially supported my boyfriend through 3 years of university so its not like I'm using him for money - I pay my way where I can with my meagre earnings).

 

Well the problem became much worse a year ago when I moved into his parents house and instantly developed a crush on my neighbour...who is this younger gorgeous guy. Well for much of the last year I have managed to keep my feelings hidden when my neighbour came into my work (the village pub). Until recently when we began hanging out alot and yes although I have this strong attraction to him I just enjoyed his friendship/companionship and thought it was probably just the same for him. Then a week ago everything changed, when walking home from work he made a pass at me and we end up kissing. He wanted to have sex but I was so confused in my feelings that I said to him I wasnt ready and I wasnt sure if it was sensible to be doing that...although I told him I really fancied him.

 

Now I can't stop thinking about him and I know its crazy and I shouldn't be doing it and that I'm playing with fire but I cant help my feelings I really like this guy alot. unfortunately I suspect that he like some young men is probably just out for the sex but I can't be sure. He still comes into the pub where I work but I cant stand it because the tension awkwardness is just awful...he can barely make eye contact with me and its difficult now to hold a conversation. I want to approach him and ask him what is going on because I can't bare the thought that I may lose his friendship over this but he has started coming in and leaving with his best friend and I can't accost him on his way home without people talking.

 

Well maybe its a blessing in disguise because I start a new job on monday and I won't see him again (because I'm quitting my job at the pub) but I can't get him out of my head and can't stop thinking does he like me or does he regret what happened...

 

should i just forget him? if so how do i go about doing that? how do you forget someone you have such strong feelings for?

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You are right to just forget him. Now how do you forget someone that you care about (I am talking from experince) You just move on wish him the best of luck and go on you way try to not to think about him. I wish that I can tell how you just walk a way but that is what I have to done twice now that hurts (first one I stayed friends with and became best man at her weading that sucked, and the secound one I just been avoiding her so far so good I think) I hope that this helps

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I know that it is the right thing to do in the situation..but at the moment I feel so miserable and low knowing that this guy I have such strong feelings for lives just a few feet away from me.

 

Not seeing him will be the easy bit - last night was my last night in the pub which is where I always saw him - last night he did not turn up even though he knew it was my last night so I guess that means he regrets what happens and doesn't think enough of my friendship to try and stay in touch. I'm gutted.

 

Once I start my new job I know it will get easier...but right now feels like my heart has been ripped out

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