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please help me, this is tearing me apart on this inside and nothing is making it better. me and my girlfriend split up at the beginning of the summer. since then weve been doing the friend thing. i love her with all my heart and she says she still loves me but as of right now she doesnt want to be with me. she broke up with me because we were arguing to much over stupid stuff. i couldnt back down from an argument and let

her win. and i guess because i was too jealous of a person, when there was nothing in the world i should have been jealous over. she believes people cant change. i dont know whether she really still loves me or whether she told me that to try and make it easier on me. this is tearing me apart. i just want her back but nothing i can do will allow me another chance with her. we still talk on the phone and go out and hang out every now and then. she is all i think of, day and night. ive tried getting over her since i know thats what she wants... but i cant do it. we didnt speak for over a month and the entire month i went out and partied to get my mind off her. i thought of her even more then though. ive cryed once in my life. that was from 3rd degree burns on my arm. i dont cry at funerals or anything, yet us breaking up totally destroyed me. i broke down completely when it happened. and since then when i think about her the tears still start to come to my eyes before i can hold them back. i truly and utterly love her with everything i have. i dont know what to do without her. any advice anybody can give would truly help me out. please dont just say "time will help". i know time will help. its been since the beginning of the summer though and i still love her as much as always. i was stupid and screwed up, the thing that hurts the most is that i cant have another chance and i know this is my fault, i could have done so much more -matt

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Time for you to create a huge goal and go for it. Anything to get your mind off of her.

 

If there is any hope of getting her back, showing her you can do fine without her is the best chance you have anyway so you need to move on.

 

You MUST press on and focus on your future. You will NOT be able to rationalize your way out of hurt. You must refocus your energy into your future.

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kodiakxt,

 

Everyone goes through what you are at least once in life. I would sit down and think out the good points and bad points of the relationship. Then think about how jealous and argumentive you were together. Use the lessons learned from this relationship to grow as a person so you wont do it in the future. There really is no chance for you if she is not willing to give you a second chance. I would show her how strong you can be and move on. I know you are hurting and I can totally understand your pain. I was there once myself and I know exactly what you are going through. You need time apart and need time to learn who you are again. For you now is to be with friends and family and get through this. I will tell you that when I went through this was ten years ago and I was totally destroyed as a person. I was with her for a long time and I didn't date or anything for almost two years after it ended. I think that was the best thing I have ever done was taking time to heal. I changed as a person because I too was the jealous type and I would never lose an argument. I think you should use your experiences with your ex to help you grow as a person in a spiritual sense. I agree with routerx that you should set some goals for yourself and keep very busy. I find that being busy helps clear up my mind and keeps my mind off my ex. Oh by the way, the girl that broke my heart all those years ago is the same girl that broke my heart now after a ten year separation. She never changed and it took four years for me to find that out. I am sorry that I am blabing about me but, I think it has some similar issues with what you are going through.

What I am saying is to let yourself grow from the lessons learned. It will hurt and you will be there for a long time. By letting her go and learning from this you will be the better person because you have grown from your experiences.

Dude I know what you are going through and I am sorry but, you have to do this if you want a chance to be happy in the future. I don't want to see you go through what I went through and wasting your time with the wrong woman.

 

Good luck and PM me if you want some more advise.

 

-Hubman

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kodiakxt

 

I feel ya dude, going through heartbreak is one of the toughest things to do, as I'm finding out myself now. Its been since April for me, but like yourself, 6/7 months down the line and it still hurts, memories still fresh in my mind. However, both routerx and hubman01 are absolutely right, we have to refocus on the future and use this as a learning experience. I'm so glad I found this site, it's the only thing that has kept me sane and rational. I was torn up, and so utterly confused when it happened, like my whole world collasped around me..but..i know you didn't want anyone just to say, time heals, but it has helped eased the pain.

 

I think the hardest thing for you right now is to still be in contact with your ex. If she truly is not willing to give you another chance, then you need to break away completely..at least for a while. While you are still calling, hanging out with each other, the pain will always seem fresh. Trust me. For myself, we were still talking on the phone (occasionly) for 6 months...and although time helped, every time i spoke to her it always brought up fresh pain. I changed my number a month ago, and haven't heard from her since. I thought she might have emailed, or tried to leave a message on my old number, but nothing..I guess its very true what they say.."actions ALWAYS speak louder than words".. Its been the longest time in 3 years that we haven't spoke now, and because of that, it really feels final. Thats helped me to decide that I really need to move on. You need to reach that same point..somehow..

 

Reading your post, its very obvious you're still beating yourself up over everything. Listen, not only is there no point in over analysing everything you did or didn't do, its also important to remember that it takes two to tango. She must've done her fair share of things she'll be regretting right now. If shes given up, then theres no point pushing it any longer, you've got to learn from your mistakes, and move on. You'll be more knowledgable and understanding in your next relationship, and better for learning from your experiences this time around. I really wish you luck, whatever happens. I feel your pain, its exactly what I'm going through now and I'm still taking it day by day..

 

Kindest Regards

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I'm new with this message board so bare with me... I was with my ex for four years... Recently she went out with two guys and didn't come back home till the next day... So I packed up my belongings and left... It's been two months to the day and I still can't stop thinking about her... Was I wrong for just packing up and leaving... She said nothing happened that night with them, but come to find out she is now talking to one of the guys... Why is it taking so long for me to get over this... I don't feel like I had done anything wrong...

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byoung2

 

I'm sorry to hear your predicament, but you haven't really given enough information for me to give you any advice. But, from what you've said, was you wrong to just pack up and leave? It does seem like you might have made a rash decision, but then it depends upon a number of factors.. i.e. has she done anything for you to mistrust her before, was there anything leading up to you walking out, did she give you a genuine reason why she went out with those guys?...

 

In any case, it all comes down to a question of whether you really trust her. If you've lost trust in her, for any reason, then your relationship is as good as over, at least for now. You say its been two months? two months since you've had any contact at all? Two months is a very long time post breakup for you to have not had any real discussion, or at least closure on the situation..if you haven't had a proper talk about what happened, maybe now is the time to reopen the channels of communication...if you still want her back that is..or still looking to somehow salvage the relationship..but her still talking to one of the guys doesn't sound good, you sound like you need some answers...

 

But, anyways, to the last question you ask..why is it taking so long to get over it/her...well..there simply is no finite answer dude, if you want to get over it, then you have to do it in your own time, theres no time limit on your own healing. If you don't get the answers you need from her, then maybe you'll just have to let go and find your own closure on all of it...but...4 years is a long time...if you're asking me personally..I'd say, make sure theres no more avenues of reconcillation left before you give up..but..one word of advice, when you said, 'I don't feel like I had done anything wrong'....if you do end up with a chance to reconcile things..and talk things over..dont' play the blame game...it'll only serve to distance you both again, if you really want things to work out, you'll have to be able to forgive and move forward...and to admit to your own shortcomings and faults...Loves a two way street...

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Thanks for what you have given me... I've lost 10 pounds since then... All I've been doing is drinking, I know of no other way to get through this... We have only talked once since then... It was kind of a weird situation... We talked at our apartment for 4 hours and we were both upset and hugging each other... We are now both living at home with our parents and we still pay rent on a apartment that we both can't afford and we are stuck in a lease... She called me a few weeks ago... I think the only reason she called was because she seen me at the bar with a few friends...

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