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Broke Up Out Of Anger, Getting Back Together


eves8d
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I'm 23 and my boyfriend just turned 28 last Sunday. The day after, I broke up with him because I was so mad that he was late for our date and he didn't call and didn't want to talk about it. I was trying to tell him that I felt really tired and hurt and felt like I couldn't go on with the relationship but all he said was, "Hey, can we just go to sleep now? Let's talk tomorrow." Later I also found out that he lied about why he was late. He said he was waiting for an important call from his brother-in-law but I found out that he was actually drinking with his buddies. This has been my problem with him ever since. He does not call when he's gonna be late or even when he's not gonna be able to make it to a date. And we only see each other like 2 times a week on average usually because of his friends. I don't expect him to call every second but when he knows I'm waiting and he's not gonna make it on time or at all, I don't think it's unfair to expect a "HELLO, don't wait up". It just makes me feel so disrespected when he does that. I get so hurt. How hard is it to pick up the phone and say five words tops that need to be said? Also, he doesn't have any communication skills. He doesn't know how to talk things over when it's about our relationship. He just clams up, never tells me his side, doesn't want to argue. How can a relationship grow without communication? Anyway, I love him though because other than not calling and not being able to communicate, we really get along fine. Still, I can't help but feel sometimes that he'd rather be with his buddies than with me. Am I overreacting? Guys, some perspective please. I heard from one of his friends that he's gonna talk to me about getting back together. I don't know if I want him back or not. I'm confused because half the time he was good to me, the other half I felt like he treated me bad. I don't know if this is just a communication problem. Do you think we can work this out or should I just move on? Sorry this is so long.

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You have certain standards of courtesy that I don't think are unreasonable. I admit, I probably would do many of the things this guy does simply out of habit, but if my girlfriend said to me, "You need to call me.. or you need to open up to me." I would try to do that out of respect.

 

If he's not even trying, what does that tell you about him?

 

His behavior needs to change to your reasonable requests. If you don't think he is capable of that, he's not the guy for you.

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Well… I'm about to give a little advice that I can't seem to take myself. If the guy treats you like that more than the occasional laps of judgment, then he really doesn't respect you. He just keeps you around for when he wants you, and really doesn't care what you think. He needs to grow up and figure out that love is about the other person and not about yourself.

 

Now for the advice that I can't seem to take. When he tries to fix things don't take him back until he proves that he's going to fix them. He has to show you that things are going to change, that he's going to protect you, what you thing and feel, before he worries about what he wants.

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I'm a guy and I have been in your situation with my ex girlfriend. She didn't like to communicate, call when she would be late, or ever discuss relationship issues. Some people are wired this way and, unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change that. Given this, I would stay apart and keep searching for that guy who will fit your standards...you'll be happier.

 

It took me some time to break free of my ex, but once I did, I became much happier and I have been meeting girls that do like to communicate and who will not put me on the backburner. I feel dumb for ever wanting to stay with my ex after we broke up b/c I can look back with a clear mind and see how unhappy I really was. Don't settle for less b/c you only live once.

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