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Yeah it can work


HLamp
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Hi there my first post, just stumbled accross this site and i've been reading it all night. Lots of good stuff.

 

For all you hopeful peeps out there, I'll let you know I made it through a pretty long one. I was in college in New York, she in college in Georgia when we met, and we just saw each other pretty much on holidays for 2 years (we were from the same hometown, had never met though.) Then I graduated and went into the Army as an officer, while she stayed in school for a PhD for another 3 years. Long story short, for the 5 years before we were married, including a year and a half engaged, we were never closer than 1000 miles apart.

 

Make it through that you can survive anything right? Well we got divorced 6 years later lol. But that's another story.

 

So here's another doozy which I need to know if I'm insane or not for letting it go on. I've just met a great girl online, trouble is I'm in the Southern US, she is in Australia (only about 10,000 miles or so and a 15 hour time difference lol.) And lets not stop there, I'm 33 and she's 18. And to go one more she's in school getting a degree in classical piano and plays bass in a punk band complete with a "Born to be Wild" tattoo while I am a corporate suit at a major bank that runs marathons for fun and moonlights at conferences as an open-source geek. Tripple whammy I guess you could say.

 

I feel I have to say this, I didn't plan on this or go looking for it, the age thing bothered me alot for awhile, and I tried to rebuff her but on top of professing her love over and over, it was kind of impossible to argue against her come back "who cares? age is just a number." So, uh here I am. Crazy (maybe not?) but all true.

 

It's been a month, and honestly I don't have alot of expectations, just enjoying every day she is part of my life like this, sending me pics and locks of her hair. So now I'm just just looking for some advice...

 

If you got this far, thanks, so what are some good ways to grow something like this? How long should you wait before making the effort to visit? Just looking for anything here. Flames welcome if they make you feel better!

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looks good, she's legally an adult, so nothing to stop the 2 of you. since you have the money and she has youth.

 

just curious about one thing. how much time do you spend together each day? if it's less than 1 hour each weekday, and less than 4 hours on the weekends, then i guess the relationship isn't anywhere near hot yet, cos you can do without being in each other's presense. lots of activities to keep you individually busy

 

so long as nothing else gets in the way, things should progress as you talk more and more with each other. don't let the pics and stuff get in the way. she may be real cute, but if you can't talk, sooner or later she will follow the way of your first wife. don't make history repeat. make it better the 2nd time round

 

when you can talk for hours on end on a daily basis, without having to rack your brain, and you're miserable without each other, then you've got it made. fly over and propose immediately.

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Well, as an ex-military, single, 34-year old male I feel okay telling you this:

 

She's a girl. You are an experienced man of the world. She's going to place you in a very important position that you should not take advantage of. I would use that position to assist her in finding her footing in the world not for anything more than friendship.

 

Yep, you could go for it and probably date her and maybe get serious, but is that what is really best for her? I don't think so.

 

You're not in your 20's anymore. One of your new roles in your 30's is to show the youth the best way to live. I don't think a 18 year old girl dating a 33 year old is a good way to live. It would be different if she were 22 or 23 with SOME life experience. But she's just a kid.

 

When I was 27, I dated a 19 year old college student. She was a great girl who wanted to continue it but I knew in my heart what I was doing was not right. This girl was still trying to figure out who she was. She looked up to me and I'm glad I didn't take advantage of that.

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Hey russia,

 

Yeah, probably about that much time, maybe 5 or 6 days a week. Both of us have alot of activities going on outside of this, but I think that's a good thing. The time difference makes it pretty tough to talk for hours every day, only happens when its kinda planned (during my evening and her morning.)

 

routerx, sorry about your own experience, but seriously I've thought this out a bit and I really don't see a problem, I definitely don't feel its "not right." I like it, and she's happy, and I like making her happy alot. Yeah I'm in my 30s, but obviously I haven't done everything perfect and I'm not one to show any youth the best way to live. In fact one of the things I really like about this is what a change she is from the wise, slightly jaded been-there-done-that attitude of most women in their 30s (that I knew anyway), an attitude I had picked up myself. I had forgotten what its like to be totally optimisitic, focused on the positive, and willing to be a little bit reckless for the chance at love. The last thing I want to do is tell her that's how to live. Christ her attitude is great, and a great attitude I'd like to pick up. And like I said, I didn't go looking for this, just sort of stumbled into it. For that alone I'm grateful we met, I've got a new way of looking at the world and its a lot brighter than I saw it before. I don't really have any expectations, just happy for every little day. But like I said already, for whatever reason, whether its looking up to me or reading some well written love letters from me or that I turned her on to Yngwie, she's happy too so really what's the problem?

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  • 3 weeks later...

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