Jump to content

sarey
 Share

Recommended Posts

I did this story about Anorexia.

 

 

Feedback would be nice.

 

 

 

She used to be healthy, she used to be so pretty and just right. But anorexia taken her. Forever. Now, her bones stick out, she's so skinny and you can never see a smile upon her face. She is 5ft 8, weighing only 80 pounds. Fainting has become her hobby. Cramps aswell. Her hair is thin and she has bold patches, where her gorgeous, wavey, soft and silky blonde hair used to be. The smile which used to go from ear to ear has disappeared, replaced with tears. She shivers even in the summer. She can't even stand by herself anymore. She's had to drop out of school because she can't concentrate, can't work, can't do anything anymore. She lays in her bed, or she paces around, counting in her head. Sometimes when she tries to run, she will fall down. Food? That's not an option. It has calories in it. To her that'd be suicide. Water is her only survival option. After all, it has no calories, no fat. She has scars on her body where the skin was torn by a razor blade. She has bruises where she has banged herself from falling over. She has needle marks from being in hospital, having fluids pumped into her because for a while, she began to think water even had calories. She's had food stuffed down her through a tube before too. She's had heart flutters. Her teeth are rotting away because she hasn't got any calcium. Her body is weakening because she hasn't got any nutrients, vitamins, protein, or fiber in her. Her body is failing, and she is hanging onto life by a thread. Just because all she ever wanted to be was 'prettier', 'thinner' and 'better'. All because of anorexia.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Great story, very vivid. My only suggestion (other than grammer cleanups) would be to put the part about not having food and water at the beginning. First you say how beautiful she used to be, then talk about how food became the enemy, and then the result. When you jump right into the result, I think it is less dramatic.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ive got bad spelling sorry.

 

and yeah, but this is just a short story i did and stuff ive experienced and stuff ive seen people experience and just... its horrible to have anorexia, when i was in hospital, this is what inspired me to write this up because the girls there were just... just as i explained here...

mostly.

 

 

but yeah.

just wanted feedback, i appreciate it very much.

thankyou.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've done some editing on it by the way.

 

 

She used to be healthy, she used to be so pretty and just right. But anorexia taken her. Forever. She used to love food. But then she got obsessed with her body. She began to see herself as fat. Ugly. Disgusting. Filthy. She began to obsess over the food, checking the calories, soon, restricting her calories to about 500 a day, if that. Then she started lowering it more, and exercising to beyond the point of exhaustion. She began to lose weight drastically, but she didn't stop, she carried on, she couldn't stop. Lowering and lowering, exercising and exercising, sometimes she would become dehydrated and end up passing out. She hated food. She hated it so much that she began making herself sick when she had finished eating. She would feel better after, knowing the calories are out of her. As the days, weeks, months went by, it all began to show. The effects. Everything that anorexia was doing to her. Her bones began sticking out, she was so skinny and you can never ever see a smile upon her face. Fainting became her new hobby. Cramps aswell. All over her body. Her hair so thin and she has bald patches, where her gorgeous, wavey, soft and silky blonde hair used to be. The smile which used to go from ear to ear has disappeared, replaced with tears. She shivers even with the sun shining on her body. She can't even stand by herself anymore. She has to hold herself up by hanging onto doors, furniture and leaning against walls. She's had to drop out of school because she can't concentrate, can't work, can't do anything at school anymore. She lays in her bed, or she paces around, counting in her head how many times she can walk back and fourth. Sometimes when she tries to run, or jog, she will fall down. What about food? Where does food come in to this? It doesn't. That's not an option anymore. It has too many calories in it. To her that'd be like suicide. The end of the world. Water is her only survival option. After all, it has no calories, no fat, none of that stuff she's no longer aloud. She has scars on her body where the skin was torn by a razor blade. She began to cut herself, maybe because she thought she could cut away the fat, or maybe because her feelings were too overwhelming, she just wanted an outlet. She has bruises where she has banged herself from falling over. She has needle marks from being in hospital, having fluids pumped into her, because for a while, she began to think water even had calories. But she had no choice but to drink water, she needed to survive, she needed some energy. She's had food stuffed down her through a tube. She's had heart flutters. Her teeth are rotting away because she hasn't got any calcium. Her body is weakening because she hasn't got any nutrients, vitamins, protein, or fiber in her. She has no food to survive on. She's wasting away. Her body is failing, and she is hanging onto life by a thread. All because of anorexia.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...