Women Tell Me I Just Don't Get It

[routerx]

I admitted to a co-worker (a woman) that I'd like to start dating again. It's been 3 years because I needed time off. She said, "You just don't get it!". What she meant was that there are girls in the office that are interested in dating me, but I'm so freaking blind I don't see it.

I've ALWAYS been guilty of this!!

Help me understand which of the following mean that women want me to ask them out. I'm 34 years old, so most of the women are in their late 20's or early 30's.

 

1) They talk nicely to you

2) They smile at you in the hallway

3) You catch them looking at you

4) They invite you to a gathering/party

5) They get very quiet around you

 

Now, I may be just naive, but I think all of the above are just nice gestures or normal day by day happenings. So, I don't see how any of them would stand out as HEY.. BUDDY.. ASK ME OUT ON A DATE!!! Plus, it's the 21st century, I'm wondering why a woman just wouldn't say, hey, DOOFUS, LET'S GO OUT ON A DATE

 

How can I follow up on any of these?!

 

Also, how can I gain better perception?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Women? Can you help?!

[Outsider]

My friend, try to read their body language... but all 5 of your examples seem to be some sort of sign that they possible could be interested...

But the best advice I can give you right now is: Do not date anybody you work with...

I got caught up in that and things suck at work now...

Be careful!

[The Morrigan]

Depends on how many of your list go with the same person lol... I'd say 1 and 2 alone could just be a friendly person, unless it's not her usual demeanor to other guys... but 3, 4, and 5, ESPECIALLY from the same woman, usually indicate a kind of awkward "I don't know how to say I'm interested without embarrassing myself." Women don't like setting themselves up for rejection any more than guys do lol. And most don't want to look unprofessional and flirtatious in an office setting, which leaves the "safe" invites and awkwardness of not knowing how to go about showing interest. Only way to know is to ask one of them to go to lunch sometime, or for coffee or something after work, and see the reaction you get.

 

routerx is right as far as work and personal relationships sometimes causing difficulties if they don't work, so make sure if you do end up dating someone there, they're also mature enough to deal with both relationships, the business and the personal, as separate entities.

[Princess777]

Hello routerx,

This is interesting.... my husband never figures out when a girl is flirting with him either, I always have to point it out, and likewise when he thinks men flirt with me, I don't see it. Teasing one another is about the biggest flag I know of, with either men or women. That's flirting!

I agree with outsider.... definitely DO NOT date/get interested in anyone you work with. Major major mistake!!!!! It almost never works out, and it jeopardizes your job!!! (Unless you plan on leaving anyway). I had that experience too, and he ended up being a total player and it caused me to lose 20 some pounds too fast from stress, and ultimately after it went on for about a year, I had to actually quit the job and I'd been there for 2 years. I couldn't handle the possibility/awkwardness of seeing him again. TRUST ME DO NOT DO IT!!!!!

Most of the things you mentioned could be signs that some ladies are interested in you, but to me not any of them sound too forward...I am friendly to everyone and smile at almost everyone I see, and make friendly conversation but have absolutely no intention of wanting them in that way, so be careful...they must just be using their people skills. If I was interested in a guy I would just talk to them a lot, test their sense of humor with tact, or try to make up excuses to be in the area that they frequent. If you sense any of those things from a female, she's most likely trying to get your attention. Asking you to a function and looking at you a lot would most likely be forward gestures also.

Princess777

[MollyElise]

Route - I think instead of trying to figure out "who likes me?" you should figure out who YOU like and ask her out... no need to guess on that one

[Ash]

Hey routerx, you hit this message board in a bit of a whirlwind. Any chance in the 'real' world (as opposed to our somewhat virtual one) that you could maybe be missing some obvious signs by being fairly quick to respond? Mull things over and look for the subtleties.

 

I think it's a guy thing in general though too. My wife used to tell me several women at university flirted and would have gone out with me. I missed it entirely. Annoying thing is, she'll never tell me who it was!!

 

I was too shy and introverted.

 

Maybe some people aren't quite sure about engineers though. (You are one, I believe, as am I.) The world sometimes sees us a little differently.

 

Get some women to tell you what the real signs are then, the things you seem to be missing. And when you find out what they are, let me know too!

[routerx]

Thanks for your responses.

 

You are right about one thing.. I move quick ... too quick like a "whirlwind". I'm always pushing forward because I like to control things after a broken heart a few years back.

 

Time for me to just mellow out and allow those "signs" to appear instead of blowing by them.

 

Thank you.

[symatrixx]

I agree that there are plenty of women out there - you don't need to date the women you work with. Pick the wrong woman and a harassment suit may follow.

 

Regarding sensing interest, frankly, if she's not in high school anymore, she'll make it obvious short of asking you out. Women still have no courage verbalizing what they want but when they want something it's obvious from their behavior. It's not your job to figure them out in order to date them though.

 

And women really don't get us men as much as they might think either.