he has changed

[DREAM]

Hi

Kinda need some advice, as me and my guy have been together for almost 7 months but most of our relationship is over the phone as he lives 2 hours away from me.

 

It was great at the beginning and he called all the time like 5 times in one hour, and said so many sweet things. When I used to call him he would have such a happy voice to receive my call.

 

But now things are changing and im not liking it, he not bad to me but. Has dull conversation. His mind is on something else. Unless we having phone sex..

 

IV decided to not text him and call him as much to make him realize what he is doing, am i doing right.???

 

Any advice out there?

[buffalosoldier]

Possibly. Its something everybody thinks about/actually does at some point to flick their partner into shape,i know i have.

 

Theres a fine line between a bit of useful Pyschology and playing mind games though.Dont deliberately think to yourself 'right,im not going to ring or text him' just dont...if that makes sense,otherwise you'll get all caught up in the idea and will be waiting for the reaction you want to see, and if it doesnt come then you will end up very frustarted.Just be cool,let him do some running,dont be too harsh about it,just enough to make him wonder.

 

Have you asked him whats up? e might be having other problems that dont directly involve you,maybe family or friendship troubles,it could be anything.Dont necessairly assume its to do with you.He may snap out of it,he may not,but all i know is everyone has their moments,their funny five minutes,it doesnt mean anything is wrong with the two of you if everything else has been fine up until now?

 

You've got every right to be concerned but i wouldnt jump the gun just yet.

[DREAM]

Thanks for reply. But everything is perfect with us. And iv asked him if anything is on his mind. and he says no just that he is tired even tho he gets a early night. I get at least 5 hours sleep chatting to him I have work in the morning but he sleeps in and gets at least 8 hours. I just don't get it. Ha the stupid thing is im feed up of guys changing all the time they take months to get you and when they do they switch. It's not fair.

 

Iv told him he has changed and well, I guess this is what I have to do now. I won't be harsh but to give him time and space. But I really want him to realize what he is doing to us.

[badburnz]

You have decided to stop texting and calling your man in order to send him the message that you dont like the way things have been going eh?

I dont want to be negative,but if you two were as close as you seem to think you are couldnt you just call him and say "hey-whats going on?".

He seems disinterested unless you have phone sex?

Whats up with that?

I dont know how often you guys see each other in the flesh,and certainly the telephone is a pretty good medium for communication,but how much do you really know about this dude-really?

A disembodied voice one the phone is so different from talking to a real person.Over the course of seven months people change so much.Step back and try to figure out how much you yourself have changed over this period.Think of the events that have occurred,the people you have met.Have you had a birthday?Another year older.Another set of social expectations.

Youve both changed.No two ways about that.

Its a horrible thing to say but perhaps youve gone from being a girlfriend to just being some chick that this guy has phone sex with from time to time.Men are callous that way.We are so visually stimulated that give us enough time away from being able to see (and touch,smell etc)our women that eventually the voice,the brain, the soul just doesnt keep our attention for very long.

It sounds to me that you have to use your phone properly and ask your dude some very relevant questions.

[buffalosoldier]

I know what you mean its annoying.But maybe there is something up with him but he's not ready to talk about it yet,people can be like that sometimes without meaning to.He might really be tired..some people need more sleep than others..

 

Can i ask,what did he say when you said he's changed?Maybe he's just beginning to feel comfy in the relationship.Try to take the bad with the good,i know its frustrating but from your other posts i can see that you really like this guy so maybe if you just show him that your there for him then he will come round.-its always nice to think that you partner will be there for you even when you are having a tough time for whatever reason.

 

See how it goes,he could be back to normal today,even tomorrow its not necessairly gonna be an ongoing thing,and i dont think you would want to leave him over this or anything.Maybe he's frustrated coz he wants to be with you,you said you live pretty far apart,maybe thats getting to him..

 

Sorry just trying to give you every option here

[DREAM]

Your so right about what you saying buffalosoldier I did ask him, what was wrong and he did say he just misses me, if that is the case why not call ma as often, why not text me as he used to.

 

Badburnz I felt as though I was getting told off from your reply lol. But hey I guess I needed to hear that. Its true we both have changed in our ways but I have never changed how I act wit him. I see him at least once a month and that not enough we both have different life's.

 

But I know what he doing most of the time. He really lazy.

 

Oh I don't know it just upsets me cos they give me there all and I don't, then I start to give my all then they don't, what's the point. This is not the first time it's happen. It happened in my last relationships. The stupid thing is after me and my ex split that is when he came back saying "I see where I went wrong pls come back to me" by then it was to late.

 

I cant stand men changing that they do its all stupid.

 

Sorry im just so angry.

[badburnz]

Sorry-didnt mean to tell you off.Just too bloody cynical I guess.

All I meant was that change is natural.You seem afraid of it and fair enough-its scary.But when youre in a relationship you kind of need to change together.You notice couples tend to bend,adapt,become more alike as they grow together.You wind up six months down the track doing stuff you never would have considered fun before just cos youre doing it with the right person,and I find it hard to imagine being in a long distance type relationship (having never been in one mysel(so what the hell would I know??!) that it is easy to do this.

My best friend just came back from sydney and informed me that he has found his soul mate over there.In six months hes going back there to live with her.As cynical as I am I trust his judgement,and I can already see that the time he spends apart from her grates on him.As sad as I will be to see him go I can see that he has to or he will wind up being miserable.

perhaps if you really feel strongly for this man you should consider moving closer to him?

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I know it's hard when people change, and there isn't anything you can do about it. Right now I would guess that there are things going on in you're guys head that he doesn't understand. Whether or not he wants to admit it his thoughts are probably moving away form you. If that's what's happening things probably aren't going to get better. I know you probably know what commitment really is, and you know how to dedicate yourself to someone else, but there aren't a lot of people that think that way. You both love one another, but (its just my though) he hasn't been willing to keep his mind true.

 

Just as an example from my own life. The same thing was happening between me and my girl. It turned out that there was another guy that she had her eye on. She justified herself by saying that she never did anything while we were dating, but it was her unwillingness to control her imagination that choused her to start to pull away from me, and as soon as I got nervice and made a mistake she took that as an easy way out.

 

Just remember that I don't really know what is going on, and am just saying what it looks like from my filter of what has happened in my life.

[DREAM]

I know what you guys are saying. I cant move closer to him cos I kinda have a life set here already and as for him having another gal, I know that's not the case at all, he loves me to much. And I know that.

 

Im just thinking he is too used to me now, and as I have been doing all the chasing he liking it, and is forgotten to give any back. So the reason for me cutting down a little on the ringing and taxing is cos I want him to realize and that will only happen if its happening to him, not in a bad way but just to simply show him.

[Ash]

DREAM, he may have changed, or he may be taking you for granted. There is a difference. Having 'got' you, the thrill of the hunt has diminished somewhat for him (we're wired that we, it's just how we work) so he may have toned things down a notch or two.

 

It's hard to say from what you write, but do you have any real evidence he doesn't still feel strongly about you? Maybe he still does, but maybe he's forgotten just how much.

 

You could take a big gamble, and cool it yourself for a while, or play a little of the 'hard to get' game to see how he responds. Problem is, if he really is drifting apart, it may break it completely off.

 

You could try surprising him by doing something spontaneous. I realize that's difficult with the distance, but it's still possible.

 

It could be that he just needs a bit of a breather. I find things cycle up and down constantly. You coul dgive it a while, see if things settle down again. Try to be careful not to crowd him too much. Just becuase he doesn't respond like he used to today, doesn't mean it won't be like that tomorrow. Back off just a touch and let him make a few connections to you rather than the other way around.

 

You could send him a little present, with a subtle hint you'd lke something back. An exchange like that can quite often help rekindle a romance that's ebbing a bit.

 

I realize I'm rambling a bit. Sorry!

 

Good luck.

[CheyGirl]

When I read this article, I actually signed up just to get my two cents worth in... Aside from this being IDENTICAL down to the last word as a situaton I was in... it was HIS reply to her question that blew me away - spoken like he read it from the same script my guy told me...

Where has everyone's integrity gone??? What ever happened to "ACTION speaks louder than words?" Or, listening to your intuition? -God only KNOWS how many times we knew all along...and we end up just as clueless...

If you can accept this loser's word as the truth? ...then who am I to try to change your mind. My bets are, he'll end up the dog...

In any case, if you want my advice, take your phone off the hook...and dump the prick!