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Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship


love4life

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I wouldbt worry abt it.

 

In my experience, the exes you dont want come back. The ones you dont want have success or come back when you dont want them.

 

I assume that if they dump you, thats most likely the end. I dont see people reconcile that often.

 

I sit back and grab my popcorn. The guys who dump me leave then usually go for psychos or goldiggers. The latter are especially popular bc theyre oh so great at first! The gal one of my exes left for stabbed him!

 

The last ex fell for the goldigger. Ha!

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Even saw the ex the other day and she said I looked good, set me back a bit seeing her but compared to last time I saw her I cried my eyes out, this time I just bought some Ben and Jerry and felt great after

 

Haha the Ben and Jerrys bit tickled me. Glad to hear that you're making improvements.

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I wouldbt worry abt it.

 

In my experience, the exes you dont want come back. The ones you dont want have success or come back when you dont want them.

 

I assume that if they dump you, thats most likely the end. I dont see people reconcile that often.

 

I sit back and grab my popcorn. The guys who dump me leave then usually go for psychos or goldiggers. The latter are especially popular bc theyre oh so great at first! The gal one of my exes left for stabbed him!

 

The last ex fell for the goldigger. Ha!

 

Am I the only one who would no longer check who the ex is dating, once I know they have a new partner?

 

Why should you care about who is the ex is dating who?

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Am I the only one who would no longer check who the ex is dating, once I know they have a new partner?

 

Why should you care about who is the ex is dating who?

 

I dont have to check. They usually come back with details after being burned. Like i said, most of my exes come back eventually. That honeymoon period usually wears off somtimes with very bad consequences.

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I wonder what Zorba is upto now, how life his treating him, and dreamguy, loved his advice. Would be good if people came back for a life update. I'll try to do this regardless of how things turn out in my life. Maybe it will help someone else one day.

 

I was also wondering about this... he's the real hero of this thread. And I hope for him he's happy. Usually people who are happy in love don't come to these forums so I think it's reasonable to assume he's cool

 

By the way, what to do when your ex who moved on wants to be friends? I set him free after he told me he is moving on with a girl he knows since 8 months, I went into NC and now he's sort of frustrated that I don't answer anymore and he pushes me to be "best of friends".... what is it with those guys.. once I'm strong by letting him go he's starting this kind of crap?!!

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So I was just thinking about this getting back your ex situation because I'm in a similar situation where she left me.. and went straight into another fling or rebound or whatever she calls it.

 

If somehow their thing didn't work out and he/she wanted to get back with you... wouldn't that mean she's settling for you? At one point she chose to leave/run from the relationship and found solace in something else. Even if he/she chose to end their fling/relationship/whatever themselves, that would mean that at one point they didn't think you were worth it... either physically or not. So now they realize their mistake and you're the greatest thing ever. Cool.

 

What does that mean for the future even if you did decide to work it out? I guess that trust is broken and you'd have to find somehow to trust him/her again that they wouldn't find another option as soon as things got rough.. right?

I Guess you'd have to forgive them for their mistake because you truly love them?

 

Sorry for the negativity guys, My thoughts have been cycling from at peace, to hopeful, to anger.. and right now is angry time.. NC time is great for sorting out all the conflicting/confusing/bullcrap (I love you, but not really cuz I'm with the other dude) thoughts haha

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So I was just thinking about this getting back your ex situation because I'm in a similar situation where she left me.. and went straight into another fling or rebound or whatever she calls it.

 

If somehow their thing didn't work out and he/she wanted to get back with you... wouldn't that mean she's settling for you? At one point she chose to leave/run from the relationship and found solace in something else. Even if he/she chose to end their fling/relationship/whatever themselves, that would mean that at one point they didn't think you were worth it... either physically or not. So now they realize their mistake and you're the greatest thing ever. Cool.

 

What does that mean for the future even if you did decide to work it out? I guess that trust is broken and you'd have to find somehow to trust him/her again that they wouldn't find another option as soon as things got rough.. right?

I Guess you'd have to forgive them for their mistake because you truly love them?

 

Sorry for the negativity guys, My thoughts have been cycling from at peace, to hopeful, to anger.. and right now is angry time.. NC time is great for sorting out all the conflicting/confusing/bullcrap (I love you, but not really cuz I'm with the other dude) thoughts haha

 

Agreed. This played a large part into why i said "no, thank you" when my ex finally returned to me after over 1.5 years.

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So I was just thinking about this getting back your ex situation because I'm in a similar situation where she left me.. and went straight into another fling or rebound or whatever she calls it.

 

If somehow their thing didn't work out and he/she wanted to get back with you... wouldn't that mean she's settling for you? At one point she chose to leave/run from the relationship and found solace in something else. Even if he/she chose to end their fling/relationship/whatever themselves, that would mean that at one point they didn't think you were worth it... either physically or not. So now they realize their mistake and you're the greatest thing ever. Cool.

 

What does that mean for the future even if you did decide to work it out? I guess that trust is broken and you'd have to find somehow to trust him/her again that they wouldn't find another option as soon as things got rough.. right?

I Guess you'd have to forgive them for their mistake because you truly love them?

 

Or more likely the other person they dumped you for ended it so now they've come back. Not many would admit that though so the story would be that they ended their new relationship because they realised were still in love with you.

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Or more likely the other person they dumped you for ended it so now they've come back. Not many would admit that though so the story would be that they ended their new relationship because they realised were still in love with you.

 

That happened to me, never got over the old issues and always thought she was back because she was dumped, took it's toll and broke down again after a few years

So if you do get back remember to take it slow and talk to each other about the issues don't just jump back in to it it will come back to haunt you and be too late to bring it up

 

I know if I get the chance again I've grown a lot this time ( learnt from those mistakes ) and would talk about everything and it'd probably work out, may get that chance may not. One of the crap things about growing up is learning how to deal with this stuff too late haha

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So I was just thinking about this getting back your ex situation because I'm in a similar situation where she left me.. and went straight into another fling or rebound or whatever she calls it.

 

If somehow their thing didn't work out and he/she wanted to get back with you... wouldn't that mean she's settling for you? At one point she chose to leave/run from the relationship and found solace in something else. Even if he/she chose to end their fling/relationship/whatever themselves, that would mean that at one point they didn't think you were worth it... either physically or not. So now they realize their mistake and you're the greatest thing ever. Cool.

 

What does that mean for the future even if you did decide to work it out? I guess that trust is broken and you'd have to find somehow to trust him/her again that they wouldn't find another option as soon as things got rough.. right?

I Guess you'd have to forgive them for their mistake because you truly love them?

 

Sorry for the negativity guys, My thoughts have been cycling from at peace, to hopeful, to anger.. and right now is angry time.. NC time is great for sorting out all the conflicting/confusing/bullcrap (I love you, but not really cuz I'm with the other dude) thoughts haha

 

 

This is something I'm struggling with. Even through the issues we had I felt that I tried my best to make things work and remained committed. When did I become 'not good enough' and why in the world would he suddenly decide it was me all along?

 

I don't want to make him grovel to get me back, but there's gotta be some discussion about the broken trust.

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  • 2 months later...

Bump

 

I find this theory interesting. I was just in a 6 month relationship with my ex. She got into a rebound with a guy 6 days after we broke up. My buddy's girlfriend was scrolling through Facebook and saw a picture and text me and I was initially pissed, but she convinced me to not freak out

 

She claims I didn't treat her well at the end. I was forced off a prescription drug - a benzo - that I've taken for 7 years. I lost my job and was and still kinda am bedridden.

 

She sent 3 texts last week after I found out about them being a couple. My buddy's GF told my ex that if she didn't tell me about him, she was going to herself.

 

So my ex sent me 3 texts in a row. I ignored it and she got mad. I finally responded, asking what she wanted. Of course she tells me "not your rudeness" - I will admit I didn't handle it well. I told her the road she was going down wouldn't bring results, which pissed her off. At about 1 AM she sent me a happy birthday text, which I then responded to with plenty of tact and class. But the convo that irked her was one where she also said "I'll text you when I'm available because my life is busy now" - which I'm thinking okay, but if you do that I'm gonna flat out tell you, unless you are interested in fixing our problems, I don't wanna talk.

 

So I'm going NC for now. Until the last few weeks of our relationship, things were going great. We had plans of moving in together and she was getting a better job. She can't move in to a place alone now because her credit score is sub 600.

 

Funny story, my buddy's GF text me this morning "I got something you're gonna get a kick out of"....my ex hit into his Dodge truck with her Grand Prix. Knocked his taillight out and broke her driver side mirror and put a huge dent in the fender. Now I'm not a stalker but she has our mutual friends on Facebook. I told my buddy's girl to text me when they break up. I just can't see them lasting. Apparently they've already had dinner and met each other's parents. I told my buddy's girl, I wouldn't be surprised if they try to move in. My ex even bought us cookware when we were together.

 

It's once I got sick that showed her insecurities. I will admit we weren't talking on the phone as much and I would spend more time on it with friends than with her. I take some responsibility but I told her last week, she left me when I needed her. I was her first real legitimate boyfriend. We had been nothing but sweet to each other but the last few days of our relationship we we're sarcastic with each other and she got really distant. Only after 48 hours of silence did it finally hit me that she was gonna break up with me. I thought letting her cool down was better than getting too wordy with her. A similar scenario played out in college with a fling. I should have gotten her dad to take me over there while I was sick and fix things.

 

Mind you she always told me she was never going anywhere, we had a great sex life and always use to go out on weekends. It's a damn pitty things went South so fast. But I see her problems and her rushing this new relationship as dooming things for them. We took our time. We weren't official until after 3 dates. They got together damn near instantly. The honeymoon face is gonna blow by with these 2.

 

I'm figuring she got pissed leaving his house this morning and that's how she screwed her car up. Hahahaha, karma's a !!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Married. Two kids. She cheated. Tried to get her to talk and try to forgive her but she wants none of it because Movex on immediately with multiple men . Started dating one that provides and pays. She likes to be taken care of. But for a year she dumps him constantly but doesn't come back to me becausr all we do is fight. But tried one more shot at at least civility bit its ignored

Meanwhile her new guy is in . Then out. Then around but not dating then dating again. Not coincidently i think whenever we have a big fight. But the chances are given to him

Took them ovet a year to even officially be boyfriend and girlfriend.

She rebounded with him but then leaves him. Rebounds but goes back. Im now a stranger she had kids with. Hard to say if hes a rebound anymore or the comfort guy. Not once has she ever tried to initiate anything like it with me. And i barley talk to her and only for the kids. She doesn't look at me or talk in public. Me the same. Lots of emotion but all negative

He sounded like a rebound but here we are over a year later.

Our relstionship has been nothing but anger and fights. But i had to initiate a divorce. And now im done fighting and told her i dont think we should talk or even try coparenting. This seemed to bother her.

But i find it hard to let go. Starting but its been a long time and so much damage is done. Ive just decided its not worth it anymore and

I wonder if our rancor keeps pushing her closer to him and once our divorce is final and after a period of civility will she see him as a rebound? Has that happened in such a situation that if tge fighting stops and a divorce being a pretty ultimate "im done" and i keep going forward is she going to one day actually look back and finally have remorse

Ive also nevet met him. 1 1/2 years of this. By her, Hidden and kept away never mentioned in fact until now that ive made it clear im done.

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Is this normal for a rebound that ends up being long term? After a year of anger and silence if its just silence now will she start to rethink or is it beyond repair and shes just moved on? Youd think she wouldn't be just as emotionally charged if she was done.

Anyone have something like this and it turn around ? Wether you want them back or not? Or is this last year tge nail in the coffin?

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  • 2 weeks later...
Is this normal for a rebound that ends up being long term?

No it's not the norm, but it can and does happen....

Anyone have something like this and it turn around ? Wether you want them back or not?

My last exex left me for someone else...I never heard from her again...I think their relationship lasted maybe 3 years...but even then I can't be sure....

Or is this last year tge nail in the coffin?

Whether it is or it isn't, it is how you should view it....

 

If things ever were to turn around in your favour, only time and space for now will make that happen....So get to it....

 

It's also the better way for you to start your real healing from this crappy situation, move on and find someone who really sees your value*

 

Sending You Strength*

Carus*

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  • 2 weeks later...

Today is NC day 2. A guy I have been dating, who I've known for almost two years, wouldn't commit. I know he has a lot on his plate.. might be losing his house, finishing his thesis, working many jobs... and I've been very understanding. We were exclusive in every sense of the word and I've met his friends as his 'gf'. Two weeks ago I kind of got mad about something and said I wanted to be included more and not live such separate lives. He brought up that I haven't included him much in my life and I agreed with him and said that I would work on that. He then said we need to take a step back and be friends and also take intimacy out of the picture. I agreed. Before we said goodbye, he kissed me?! Not sure how that is friends. Anyway, I felt like I didn't say everything I needed to say as his biggest insecurity is that he can't be a good provider right now, so I asked to talk about it again and he was avoiding it. I then sent him a goodbye msg with how I feel about him and that I enjoyed our time together, that he's a great person but he's not ready for a relationship and I understand, but I am. I also said being friends would be really hard so maybe later down the line once I've moved on.

 

He responded back upset that I am not wanting to be friends. I did not respond. I'm going to definitely try to move on but does NC even work with non-committal men?

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I guess I'm hoping that he will finally commit and feels secure in the relationship OR that I will at least be able to heal and move on (vs. Hanging around being his friend and not being able to move forward).

 

What do you think?

 

Also, any thoughts on whether I should wish happy birthday today? Or just leave it. We stopped talking since yesterday.

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NC really is a time to focus on you. I totally get that there's a part of you that wants him to miss you (and he will) and hopes that NC will bring him to his senses and back into your life. But trust me when I say this, using NC as a tactic to get him back is going to backfire. You both need time and space to heal and work on yourselves; that's the best we can hope for when going NC.

 

If he really is the type of person who fears commitment in relationships, NC is not going to change this, even if he does continue to reach out to you. He may very well regret letting you go, but if he doesn't work on his commitment issues, even if you two do get back together at some point, the same problem is going to resurface. NC is also a good time for you to sit with yourself and figure out what YOU want and value in your life. Look at patterns in your relationships and try to work through the parts of you that are wounded. Its painful work, but so very necessary in order to move forward on any level.

 

I wouldn't wish him a happy birthday, either. I know its hard. I think you did a brave thing by letting him know you were not interested in remaining friends at this point. You know what you want and he can't give that to you. Too bad that it upset him; this is what he asked for in the sense that he was unwilling or unable to maintain the relationship you two previously had.

 

You will come out of this a much stronger, healthier person. And should there come a time when he wants to revisit the relationship option with you, you very well may be so over it and he will just have to cut his losses.

 

Stay strong. :)

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Chattygirl, thank you so much for your objective perspective. Actually, you don't know how much your thoughtful response and advice means to me right now. I will take everything you said into consideration; it feels right to me. I absolutely need to work on me and focus on myself. I will come back to this and read/re-read it again when I'm not feeling so strong.

 

You're amazing!

:)

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cutiepie20, thank YOU for the lovely words! Believe me when I tell you that responding to your question also helped me greatly....reminding myself of what I need to focus on as I struggle with my own demons during NC. I'm glad you are able to take away something positive from my response. Hope all is well with you.

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Thanks Chattygirl! I'm glad we can help each other. I'm doing well. I don't even know if I'd want him anymore anyways :) I want a man who values me and who wants something real. I've been listening to a lot of Eckhart Tolle.

 

Also, On Wednesday, I wrote in my diary (pages and pages) and I couldn't stop crying. When I woke up the next morning, something had shifted inside of me! I've been feeling good. I hope it will last. I feel like I'm seeing things more clearly, and I only want a guy who wants to be with me, too :)

 

I wish him the best and I set him free. Hope you are well, too. Xx

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