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Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship


love4life

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What do you think is this a rebound? Thanks

 

Could very well be. I'd behave as if it were, if I were you, and think you're doing the right things. Steer clear of him. End the phone calls first. Stay busy. Develop your own personal style. Be selfish. Don't be easily accessible. When you let go, really let go, he'll feel it and try to pull you back, if it's a rebound, I believe.

 

When I truly let go of my ex, even after years of being divorced, he came sniffing around again. He recently hit on me (though I'm living with my new guy, T). I told him T. thinks he's still in love with me. My ex just looked away and didn't respond. I said, "you think about me." He nodded. "All the time."

 

My ex was with his rebound off and on for five years. He broke up with her for good a few months ago and she, like me, was crushed.

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Could very well be. I'd behave as if it were, if I were you, and think you're doing the right things. Steer clear of him. End the phone calls first. Stay busy. Develop your own personal style. Be selfish. Don't be easily accessible. When you let go, really let go, he'll feel it and try to pull you back, if it's a rebound, I believe.

 

Do you think it could be a rebound if she cheated first?

 

He was a temp coworker of hers on her shift. She went out with him after work one night to Cheddars and dumped me the next day on 8 March. We were together 11 months. In the following week, he got her a dozen roses and left them in her bathroom to find and shortly after that he asked her to be his girlfriend. This all happened in a week. She backdated her relationship status to 'In a Relationship' on Facebook to 7 March. He is very desperate, up to something, or both. I know he is Spanish origin. I saw their pictures together on Facebook. On hers, he only commented in Spanish. 9 days after their first date in Spanish, he was already commenting about being Love and the Wedding. I blocked them both on Facebook over 3 months ago. Ignorance is bliss.

 

I have been trying so hard to completely let her go. I can look at her picture without emotion now. These forums have really helped. The worst part is I keep speculating why she jumped into a relationship so fast and what is he really up to by moving on her so fast. The only scenario which makes any sense is he actually after a Green Card or at the least very desperate.

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If she marries him so quickly, I think she's an impulsive fool. I would be questioning her behavior, not his. He may be needing a green card, in love, desperate, or duped by her. What could her motivation be? How old is she? Does she have a history of cheating? Is she needy?

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If she marries him so quickly, I think she's an impulsive fool. I would be questioning her behavior, not his. He may be needing a green card, in love, desperate, or duped by her. What could her motivation be? How old is she? Does she have a history of cheating? Is she needy?

 

I have no idea if he has proposed yet, but I hope (or doubt) she would accept. She is 33 and never married. She had one 6 year engagement which ended because he wanted a baby and she was not sure. Her history as described by her was her being used by men usually for sex.

 

She was very insecure. Her friends and family fed her anxiety about me. She could not get over my female roommate who will be moving out soon. I playfully firted with waitresses and she never let me forget it; no numbers were given out. I could not comfort her no matter what I did, but she said I treated her better than she has ever been treated. She must have known I cared for her.

 

I have never been able to understand why she jumped into a relationship with an Insta-boyfriend. He was a coworker. It was very immature for a 33 year old woman.

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Thank you AutumnBorn, i am really trying the LC but he will txt me like 4x a day then if i don't reply he will call. But so far i think i'm doing good coz all his txts are just asking about how our son was doing and i only reply in 2 words most of the times unless it's very important. About his calls i ignored them.

 

I hope i'm doing the right thing of going out when he's around to see our son. It still hurts to see him around the house. I go for long walks or see some friends for a drink and for the last 2 visits i feel good to not hang around while he's here. It made him ask though why i need to go out when he's here. Just told him so he can bond with our son.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My ex has been with this new guy a week an half after our break up. Met on facebook. I think they've been dating for either 3 or 2 months now. We dated for two years and were engaged. she came back to me because she was claiming she loved me and she wasnt inlove with him yet went back to him cause he did nothing wrong. So i went complete no contact and now im here writing this. I want her back and this has to be the best thing to do i hope

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My ex has been with this new guy a week an half after our break up. Met on facebook. I think they've been dating for either 3 or 2 months now. We dated for two years and were engaged. she came back to me because she was claiming she loved me and she wasnt inlove with him yet went back to him cause he did nothing wrong. So i went complete no contact and now im here writing this. I want her back and this has to be the best thing to do i hope

 

 

We're in a similar position Troyalan. We were not engaged, but we did date for 4 years.

 

Let's see how this works out.

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My ex has been with this new guy a week an half after our break up. Met on facebook. I think they've been dating for either 3 or 2 months now. We dated for two years and were engaged. she came back to me because she was claiming she loved me and she wasnt inlove with him yet went back to him cause he did nothing wrong. So i went complete no contact and now im here writing this. I want her back and this has to be the best thing to do i hope

 

You are still in denial. You still haven't let go.

 

You've been saying the same thing.... over and over.... since the first day you posted here!

 

Have you read through this guide? It will help you Troyalan: link removed

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  • 2 months later...

Hope someone can help me out with some advice.

 

My ex girlfriend and I were dating for 6 years, talks about marriage, kids, etc - we moved out to Denver to be closer to her family and I became extremely resentful. We broke up 2 other times in the last 2 years, but always came back to one another. I really wanted to change (be more present, make bigger sacrifices, stop being so prideful) and would tell her this.

 

After being broken up for a month, we get drinks - have sex - then she comes back and says that we need more time and space - and we cant just jump back into old habits. I dont talk to her for 9 days - she comes back and ask if we can grab a drink. Her friend tells me she isnt dating anyone - but wants to experience things outside the relationship since she gave me so many chances and here we are again.

 

We finally schedule to meet, she invites me over, then the next day tells me its a bad idea because she misses me as a person from her life and we are not getting back together. Tells me she is dating other people and doesnt want to rehash things. We finally do meet up, joke, laugh, hang out, and she starts asking me questions about the girls im dating and that we can be friends. I tell her we both need to date to get some perspective, but i eventually want to know if we can find other people of if were meant to be and then we can reconnect. she agrees. it ended with her telling me later by text that she had a great time and thinks its best for us and will make us both happy to continue doing what we are doing - that she excited for this next chapter.

 

Since then, she has checked in with me ever 4 /5 days when I am doing no contact. She has said everything from I miss you, that break ups are awful, to texting me for drunken hook ups, just calling to check in, etc. When I give in and talk, she totally reverts and becomes cold and mean. When I say we need to not talk, she gets extremely angry and freaks out about old arguments.

 

It came to a head a 2 months when I asked her to drinks and she was all for it, until the day came when we were supposed to get drinks (2 days after asking her). She said it wasn’t the best idea since we aren’t going to be together, that our ship has sailed and she has no idea what signals I got that we aren’t broken up. That she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone and that we had out shot.

 

2 days after this (2.5 months after the breakup), she found out that I was sleeping / dating someone new (nothing serious) and freaked out. Said that this sealed the deal, that I am a liar - how could I possible say I love her and sleep with someone else. She then said that she felt betrayed that I can move on so quickly and she is taking time to heal and I am now in a "serious relationship" (which is so far from it when I want to be with her). She then texted me 2 days after this if we could have a serious conversation - I agreed, but she came back saying she didn’t need to and there was no point and nothing I could say would make her not feel hurt, but maybe I could email her and she might listen to how I feel. I just left it with maybe it’s not the best time for us to talk, and when things have calmed down we could have a discussion. Since then she has literally blocked me on all forms of communication. About 2 month after she told me she missed me etc) (present), she becomes extremely indifferent, almost professional-like when speaking to me. I find out from a friend she is dating someone else and he is "making her really happy." After trying to meet up with her for a drink, she tells me to "move and and that I need to stop clinging to us and she doesnt want to confuse me." Her friend came into town last week (who I am a good friend with) and said that she has changed - is extremely prissy, stuck up, needs everyone to pay attention to her and that she is not the same person that we both know before she moved. She also said that spending time with her she realized she is extremely selfish - kind of sucks that she has turned int othis person. What really gets to me is that just 4 months ago we were talking about marriage and having kids, and 1 month after telling me she doesn't want to be in a relationship and that she misses me, she is with another dude.

 

My opinion is that she is in a rebound, but could really use some advice. Just crazy how we could go from being so in love - to her basically deleting any memory or feeling for me after 6 years?

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi everybody! Me and my ex gf dated for almost 2 years.We did everything togheter our families knew eachother and her parents loved me very much.We've been friends before we got togheter.I was in Italy for 3 months back then and she realised that she loved me.I came back and got togheter.I was also her first and she loved me very very much.We had our differences and our ups and downs but we always managed to resolve thoes issues.2 months ago things started to get boring she distanced a lot from me but I didn't noticed it at that time.We supposed to go to Italy to find jobs there.My mom lives there and we travelled for 10 days in Italy to meet my mom last summer.Then my mom said if I want to take a job there.My ex gf immediately wanted to come with me and to live there with me but she had school.I waited for her to finish school and to get the drivers license.1 month ago she left me with the reason that I didn't get her enough attention lately and that I was very cold with her.I had issues with my dad and I had no job so I was really stressed and also I had to wait for her to finish her things before we move to Italy.So she broke up with me saying that I am selfish and that I didn't give her attention.But the day after she left me she was already seeing another guy.I know the guy but only for 2 months and I found out after the break up that he liked her and that he was planning to get rid of me so he can be with her.After the break-up I was a mess she told mean things about me and she was very cold.She then stalked me and found out that I went out with some friends(our friends) and then she entered on my facebook profile.I also got into her facebook and found conversations with that other guy 3 days before the breakup.So I know that they were flirting before she left me.After that she wanted to get back togheter but she said she wants to have fun and that she needs space.I said ok and she said to wait for an answer from her about us getting back togheter.I did it all I beeged and cryied for her to come back.But she was with that other guy and she was happy.Our friends came to me for support and she got mad at me and at them because thay didn't call her.The reason they all came to me is that they saw her with that other dude and they were angry at her.The thing started when we changed our hangout place.We started to hang out in a different area of the city and we've met those guys and that guy liked her so from there things just went downhill.She said she is confused and wants space so I went NC but she broke it off.Her mother reached for me and she was trying to figure things out.She cried because she found out that her daghter left me for that guy.Her mother always liked me and she keeps believing all of her daughter lies.My ex gf now avoids everyone and hides this guy from everybody.She tells all the people that she is the victim not me and she tells people that maybe in the future we can work things out.I don;t understand what is in her mind right now but I don't really want to.She changed completely she is hangin out with that dude that is 26 years old(she is 19) and with all sort of bad people the are all guys and they are all 25-30 years old.I know that guy she is dating is a player and he knows how to push her buttons.I think he is a rebound or she experienced GIGS or something idk I am so confused about this situation.I decided to move on I am leaving to Italy in 2 weeks and she knows that.I don;t want her back anymore because she changed she is not the person I loved and she lied to me and I lost the feelings for her.I do care about her because she is hanging with the wrong people but that is her choise I can't change that.The thing is people change and I have to accept that.She was so in love with me and with the idea of us moving to Italy but in the last 2 months or so she flipped.She keeps telling people that maybe after couple of years we get back togheter but after all that she done to me I don;t think I can take her back anymore.I never saw her like this and I've always liked her personality and her character.Before her I had a lot of "sex friends" but never really loved someone.She was the first women I loved and it's hard to see her running around like this.I don't know if this guy is a rebound or not but if he is a rebound and they broke up I don't want her to call me after that.She decided to go with him and that's that I won;t look back again.I wanted to share this story because I don't know why she did this and why she lied to me even if she knew I know all about that guy.

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  • 1 month later...

Me and my children's father of 3 years broke up about 4 months ago. We didn't have the best relationship, it was pretty bad towards the end. I left him because I wast happy, too much arguing, so I thought time apart would be good. Well he kept begging for me to take him back but I refused, I told him I needed time as didn't want that at this time. Well literally a few weeks later I find out he's dating this new girl and he rubs it in my face how Amazing she is, and post pictures of them all over facebook. I'm pretty hurt because of that and he has her around my kids and taking pics of them. Well he told me he was completely over me and he's serious with this girl and wants to be with her for the rest of his life. They already slept together too which has really bothered me. Well a few weeks ago he came over and we talked about things and he told me he still loved me and wanted to work things out. We slept together and then when he left he started ignoring me again. He went back to this girl again! And he denied ever being with me and said again that he was over me and I was crazy. Well she ended up finding out that we did and broke up with him, then he was nice again to me. The next day she took him back again. I have been going crazy and been so depressed.i feel pathetic actually crying and begging HIM to work things out with me so we can have our family back. But he told me no, leave him alone. No contact is impossible because of the kids. Every time I go to get the kids he's either with the girl or talking on the phone. I don't know what to do because I feel like he's just getting back at me but I don't know. I mean I feel like he just threw our relationship away f, it makes me question if it was ever real.

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Me and my children's father of 3 years broke up about 4 months ago. We didn't have the best relationship, it was pretty bad towards the end. I left him because I wast happy, too much arguing, so I thought time apart would be good. Well he kept begging for me to take him back but I refused, I told him I needed time as didn't want that at this time. Well literally a few weeks later I find out he's dating this new girl and he rubs it in my face how Amazing she is, and post pictures of them all over facebook. I'm pretty hurt because of that and he has her around my kids and taking pics of them. Well he told me he was completely over me and he's serious with this girl and wants to be with her for the rest of his life. They already slept together too which has really bothered me. Well a few weeks ago he came over and we talked about things and he told me he still loved me and wanted to work things out. We slept together and then when he left he started ignoring me again. He went back to this girl again! And he denied ever being with me and said again that he was over me and I was crazy. Well she ended up finding out that we did and broke up with him, then he was nice again to me. The next day she took him back again. I have been going crazy and been so depressed.i feel pathetic actually crying and begging HIM to work things out with me so we can have our family back. But he told me no, leave him alone. No contact is impossible because of the kids. Every time I go to get the kids he's either with the girl or talking on the phone. I don't know what to do because I feel like he's just getting back at me but I don't know. I mean I feel like he just threw our relationship away for good, it makes me question if it was ever real. I'm really upset and it's killing me seeing him with someone else,playing house with my children. Idk what to do.

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  • 1 month later...

Rebounds never work. Ive seen two of my exes rebound less than a year and they failed. And I succeeded. It depends on what the reason why the breakup was over. All of mine were over financial issues. Left for a guy with more money and free rent. My recent ex was sending me emails and texting me, her last words was I love you so much ill call you tomorrow and I asked her are you breaking up? she said I never said that then hung up. Then find out shes living and dating some guy the whole time she was saying she loved me. Had sex even. Said she didn't want to be alone anymore and I told her neither did I. Well, she called the cops on me to end it a few days ago so I haven't spoke to her since. Her life will fall apart, just like the others who cheated then left and rebounded.

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  • 4 months later...

Sometimes I wonder if this strategy only drives the dumper to try harder to make the rebound work. I definitely don't think remaining around as the backburner works, but I can see the dumpee disappearing actually making the dumper try harder to make the new relationship successful. If you remain around, she in theory always has a fallback plan. Now sure, if you leave, she is left with only one option. But wouldn't that make some people even more invested in the rebound, fearing that otherwise they'll be left with nothing?

 

I just restarted NC with my recent ex, as she's now dating someone. I'm not trying to win her back, though I really don't want this particular relationship to pan out. After two months of trying to stick it out, I at least saw that my presence wasn't having any influence with her NOT to continue with the new relationship. I don't really expect my absence to have any either, though. She doesn't have many friends in the area. No family in the area. I was a big helping hand with her kids, even after the split. I have trouble thinking she won't pull out all the stops to make this new thing work, even though the guy has his own baggage (very recent divorce, two kids).

 

Still, I'd be lying if I said I don't envision her eventually reaching out again at some point if the relationship fails. I just don't think I'll have any impact on it if that's what it comes to.

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Ok my story:

 

We meet through a mutual friend at a party talked for a couple of hours got the feeling she liked me but I was not ready for a realtionships as I was healing from amarriage breakdown. 3 months later I went to the mutual friends house to catch up and in walked my ex (she lived accross the road). Small talk was done and I asked her a question about having a ring on her ring finger as she was single when I spoke to her a the party 3 months earlier (funny how I remebered this as I was drunk at the time at the party). Anyway I said to my friend when my ex left that I might ask her out on a date, my friend said she doesn't date at all, all i said is she doens't know me lol.

 

I added her on Fb and we become great friends, msg each other day and night and then started talking on the phone for hours on end. I invited her over to watch a movie at my place and she accepted. She came over and 10 mins into the movie she we were kissing, this went on for a couple of weeks. We ended going out one night and making out in my car, next day she was msg me telling me we can't see each other anymore as we can't do that anymore??? I just told her she's an adult and she was happy to do that at the time and that we did nothing wrong.

 

We kept in touch hanging out, kissing all the time but no one knew we were doing this as we told them we were just friends. I took her to my work Christmas party, this was the day I fell in love with her, she looked amazing in the dress that she was wearing and the smile she gave me when I gave her a rose, i also knew that's when she fell for me as it was in her eyes but she would never tell me that.

 

We continued spending time together to the point I was staying at her house but not in the same bed or room. We were doing sexually involved doing everything except have sex as we were not in a realtionship (her not ready). Shortly after her father had a heart attack and she went cold and quite on me which had a real bad effect on me and I lied to her about something in my life and I nearly ended my own life as she found out but there was other issues that I had not confronted about my childhood.

 

She finally confessed to me that she had strong feelings for me and we worked on my mistakes where I went wrong and built our relationship up to the point that we came out to everyone and said yes we are in one. All was good, hardly had a fight, I was at her house most nights to help around the house but went back to mine later in the night, I did however stay a couple of times thoughout the week and on the weekends we didn't have the kids (her's and mine).

 

I was living with friend's at the time and told her I was thinking of getting my own place, she had family living with her, parents in a granny flat out the back and a bum of a brother living in a tent in her backyard not helping or paying his own way. That is when she said wait a little and move in here but I want to ask the kids first of they are happy with it all, which i was happy to wait for. Also on top of that a guy who was a mutual friend was msg her all the time, I did a number of times ask her if her had feelings towards her in which she said "NO". I allowed him to msg her as I trusted her. But still had this ill feeling that he liked her more than than he would say.

 

So August last yera we went on 2 hoildays together and things were fine between us not fighting, problems but we were both sick and the guy was still msg her all the time. We came back from our time away and then I asked her about moving in and then she dropped the bombshell on me and broke up with me on the spot saying she was depressed and that she fell out of love with me and needed space. As like all of us I was hurt and feeling lost about everything as we had spoken about getting married and our life together.

 

I we tried to be friends but would msg me all the time asking me to come help her with something or see her kids and stuff like that. We had a big fight about 2 weeks after we broke up because I didn't msg her one night and then it went all sour. I went NC for 3 weeks then got a msg from her aksing to hang out for a day, we went out that weekend had a great time and at the end of the day she asked if we could be FWB. that didn't work out well as she went cold a couple of weeks later but still wanted to hang out and stuff. We went on a couple of dates her saying she was confused but was enjoying the new me, more confidence, new clothes and look. I was happy to go slow with ther and work it all out which she agreed to and then all of a sudden again went cold, no msg phone calls at all.

 

I told her brother who I was close to that if she continued to do thsi I was walking away. She didn't think I would and I did, then I found out that very weekend she went away for the night with the guy who was msg her all the time....... she blocked me on FB and I only saw her once just before Christmas. That was the last time I have seen her.

 

But he is the twist again she contacted me via FB msg (she unblocked me) and because I didn't msg back she sent me a text on my phone. I texted her back and we msg each other for 2 hours, never mentioned our breakup or relationship and were happy to be try and be friends. I sent her a birthday msg (funny video) which she thought was very funny and sweet at the same time. Then again went silent and never heard from her

 

Here is the twist the moment I was off the scene the other guy was hanging out with her, over her place everything, everywhere. She had not had anytime to herself which is something she also mentioned to me when she broke up with me.

 

Now she is in a relationship with him..... Does it sound like she is in a rebound with him??

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  • 2 months later...

First of all great read.

 

My ex left me after 6 years, she was with me every day of the week but one time she went out with 'friends' but I found out it was a colleague of hers. Before I found out, she broke up with me. It has been 6 weeks since the breakup now, she started a relationship with him and have sex after 2 weeks. Also, she's going to festivals and is going on a holiday with him over in 2 weeks.

 

There are quite a few things I could improve on, fact is that the main thing why she left is probably that the guy had a better career/job than me. So I suppose that's more sexually attractive, she did tell me I was way better in bed.... My ex has been hanging out with me a few times , simply because I could not do the no-contact and she wanted to remain friends.

 

Eventually I told her nicely (message): "I've been thinking and I think it's better if we're not friends anymore, we've been in a relationship for 6 years and I can't get back to friends now"

She first responded normal: "I'm sorry you think that way" "I've always been nice and faithful to you" "But if this is your decision, I'll respect that"

Because I did not respond immediately she send me another message but this time she was pretty mad "I don't know what you want anymore, it has been 6 weeks and you still don't know whether you want to be friends with me but if you dont want any contact with me Fine!"

Not sure what to think of this message, is she mad because she still has feelings?

 

Anyways, I'm going to improve myself but I seriously doubt I'll be able to earn as money as the other guy does in the near future. I do wonder , even if this guy is a rebound, she will get back with me if I earn less than the rebound..... does anyone have experience with this?

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Anyways, I'm going to improve myself but I seriously doubt I'll be able to earn as money as the other guy does in the near future. I do wonder , even if this guy is a rebound, she will get back with me if I earn less than the rebound..... does anyone have experience with this?

 

Why would you want a gold-digger back? Also, I don't think it shows much respect for your feelings to be pressuring you to be "okay" with her new relationship and be friends after only 6-weeks. Anyone with the tiniest bit of empathy would know how lousy that feels.

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Exes on forums like this are kind of damned if they do, damned if they don't.

 

Sounds like your hunch is correct. I don't know how old you are, but people can change a lot through their twenties, and that includes relationship patterns.

 

By the way, if you're keeping tabs on your ex, you're not doing true NC.

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Because there are like a million threads on here from people in disbelief that their ex moved on so quickly. But then, even when it appears that the ex has taken a healthy approach post-breakup of staying single for a while, there's still disbelief.

 

Not a slam against you; it's just that I find we aren't really capable of rational analysis regarding our ex and their behavior while we're still getting past the split.

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And I guess I'm not sure what you're asking for thoughts on. As you said yourself, this isn't a rebound relationship. She's given relatively ample time in between the two relationships. She hasn't reached out to you aside from the expected birthday text. Just from what you've given us, it sounds like she's moved on and felt she was in a good place to finally embark on a new relationship.

 

It's too easy to read into our ex's actions or words, which is why I try to minimize my contact with my ex. I know there's no meaning behind her texting me chit chat while she's bored on the few evenings she doesn't have her current BF over, but sure, there's temptation to read something into it.

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