Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship

[BeenThere2]

Well clearly she's got issues she's been carrying with her for awhile. And you're right. If her way of "solving" problems is by denying and running from them, she's got a long miserable road ahead of her. It's just terrible that you had to get dragged along, though. At the very least you sound like you've got a solid perspective on everything. I hope things get better soon.

[sampson]

Thanks for the reply. Time will tell whether she wakes up, but at this point Im not counting on it. Most people dont wake up until they hit a milestone in life positive/negative. (divorce, birthday, death, marriage, a year apart) so in essence time will tell.

I think the next gentlemen has large shoes to fill. Im not sayn this based on my ego but just from what we went through in 7 years and the effort we both put in. Yes, it may be a lasting rebound and if so, great, im happy for her. But masking pain is awful and i do feel badly i cant be there but enough is enough.

That old cliche: you dont know what you had until its gone. Whethet it applies here for her or not is yet to be seen. 5 weeks is no time essentially.

I spoke with a former friend of hers today and she had said more than likely she will contact me. I, on the other hand doubt that but hey, women know women. But what, realistically, could I say? 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn'. Yet i didnt do anything, huh. Go figure.

 

Well clearly she's got issues she's been carrying with her for awhile. And you're right. If her way of "solving" problems is by denying and running from them, she's got a long miserable road ahead of her. It's just terrible that you had to get dragged along, though. At the very least you sound like you've got a solid perspective on everything. I hope things get better soon.

[BeenThere2]

I definitely agree that most of us need a major wake up call to make us see ourselves sometimes, but she'll never contact you? I don't know about that one. I've had more than my share of being dumped in relationships, and every girl but one tried coming back. That's not me patting myself on the back in any way, trust me. That's me saying that I've learned that people often rethink their decisions and have regrets. If so, and they feel you've been more than fair and left a door open, they'll usually come back. And really, look at your situation. You've had seven YEARS together! That is a huge chunk of her life. Your impact on her is massive. That won't be going away anytime soon. That in mind, I think she'll contact you in time. She may need to get past some of her own issues first, but it'll likely happen one day. Just my opinion based on personal experience, so take it for whatever that's worth.

 

Not to rub salt in any open wounds, but are you SURE you didn't do anything? Not that you have to announce it here of course. I just mean maybe try to see things from her perspective to get a clearer sense of what she might have been hurt by. Maybe I'm giving her far too much credit, but I would think it'd have to be SOMETHING. Even if it's a huge misunderstanding on her part. Of course maybe that's not necessary to dwell on. You seem resigned to the fact that you want to move on past all this. If so, it sounds like you're doing a good job of it.

[sampson]

I understand why you made that statement. No.. Honestly I havent done a thing except put my foot down about the way she treated me. Have I had moments when we have had our fights, sure, what man hasnt. But nothing crazy extreme. The only thing that sticks out is that at the beg. Of it she would get mad I wouldnt go out and get drunk w her and her friends (not my thing and i hate puking)

 

I tried to even reach out after we split, like two weeks to get counseling, and she started seeing people (met at bars). It wasnt until i cut off contact was she interested which i never responded (i set up appointment and paid for half). Plus more issues which are too lengthy to discuss (mainly text she sent friends that were copied and sent to me to know she was being nasty). I mean how man guys break up w their fiance after infidelity and then reaches out for HER,not the relationship to get help? Not too many i know.

 

I dont know about the contact and frankly at this point I dont care after re-evaluating things (well perhaps like 10% wants contact but the rest is happy).

 

How many chances do you give someone? 4 questionable events in 7 years.. Three confirmed, the other unsure of (as i contacted men that things happened with after her friends came forward saying I didnt deserve this any longer).

 

Do i WANT to move on? No. Do I HAVE to, yes. Life doesnt live itself an if she doesnt love me/isnt going to be faithful Ill find someone, after dealing with these emotions that will.

 

Do I love her after all of this, YES. Why? Because she makes me smile and my heart beat a little faster. But i cant have it the way it is.

 

 

QUOTE=BeenThere2;5462591]I definitely agree that most of us need a major wake up call to make us see ourselves sometimes, but she'll never contact you? I don't know about that one. I've had more than my share of being dumped in relationships, and every girl but one tried coming back. That's not me patting myself on the back in any way, trust me. That's me saying that I've learned that people often rethink their decisions and have regrets. If so, and they feel you've been more than fair and left a door open, they'll usually come back. And really, look at your situation. You've had seven YEARS together! That is a huge chunk of her life. Your impact on her is massive. That won't be going away anytime soon. That in mind, I think she'll contact you in time. She may need to get past some of her own issues first, but it'll likely happen one day. Just my opinion based on personal experience, so take it for whatever that's worth.

 

Not to rub salt in any open wounds, but are you SURE you didn't do anything? Not that you have to announce it here of course. I just mean maybe try to see things from her perspective to get a clearer sense of what she might have been hurt by. Maybe I'm giving her far too much credit, but I would think it'd have to be SOMETHING. Even if it's a huge misunderstanding on her part. Of course maybe that's not necessary to dwell on. You seem resigned to the fact that you want to move on past all this. If so, it sounds like you're doing a good job of it.

[OverYou]

We'll soon find out in my case, I've not contacted her in whats coming up to a month now, I'll be going home for a month (she'll know this) and since the break up I've been in negotiations for a new job in a different state (which she'll get wind of through her room mate who put me in touch for the job). I'll basically be extiting her life pretty quickly forever in the coming months, or certainly it will make it very hard to maintain a relatonship.

 

The balls in her court, I'm moving on.

[BeenThere2]

Yeah I hear you there. Loving someone but realizing you HAVE to move on for your own good is really hard. From the things you've said, it sounds like she's got a lot of issues that she needs to face before she can have a happy relationship. It's pretty sad but you're making the right decision. If you've given her several opportunities to work on things, and she keeps squandering them, you have to get out of that hamster wheel. You deserve a lot more than she's willing to give right now.

[BeenThere2]

We'll soon find out in my case, I've not contacted her in whats coming up to a month now, I'll be going home for a month (she'll know this) and since the break up I've been in negotiations for a new job in a different state (which she'll get wind of through her room mate who put me in touch for the job). I'll basically be extiting her life pretty quickly forever in the coming months, or certainly it will make it very hard to maintain a relatonship.

 

The balls in her court, I'm moving on.

 

What's your story? Sorry if you've posted it and I missed it. How long were you together? How long have you been broken up? What was behind the breakup? Do you want to reconcile with this girl or are you determined to walk away? If you are looking to reconcile, I'm not so sure NC is a good idea. Of course that all depends on your situation.

[sampson]

Oh, and I think she wont contact me because Im pretty sure she hates me.

I do miss and love her and would love to reach out but she needs to reach out to me when she is ready. Honestly, a day doesnt go by I dont think of her but unless she speaks to me Im not contacting her. Its a shame. I still in a very weird way feel like we are meant to be at some point but not right now. Faith hope and time will tell and maybe she'll work it out.

 

Yeah I hear you there. Loving someone but realizing you HAVE to move on for your own good is really hard. From the things you've said, it sounds like she's got a lot of issues that she needs to face before she can have a happy relationship. It's pretty sad but you're making the right decision. If you've given her several opportunities to work on things, and she keeps squandering them, you have to get out of that hamster wheel. You deserve a lot more than she's willing to give right now.

[OverYou]

What's your story? Sorry if you've posted it and I missed it. How long were you together? How long have you been broken up? What was behind the breakup? Do you want to reconcile with this girl or are you determined to walk away? If you are looking to reconcile, I'm not so sure NC is a good idea. Of course that all depends on your situation.

 

My story dropped like a stone lol, but to cut a long story short we were together 5 months or so, she got a call from her ex which made her realise she had unresolved feelings for him/their relationship. we've been apart over a month and in no contact for just over 3 weeks. She broke up with me. I need to leave her alone for her to get over these issues and decide what she wants, it's the only way. If I chased her or turned up at her place, in time I think we'd end up doing something together because she's still attracted to me/has feelings but it wouldn't be real and she would still harbor feelings for her ex. She needs to go find closure, don't get me wrong I love her and it hurts but it needs to be this way.

 

Do I want to reconcile? Yes but we need to discuss and talk through alot first, but at the same time I'm not chasing it for reasons outlined above. If we were to ever get back together it will have to come from her end. In the mean time I have some exciting opertunities, I was with her when I applied for these so she knows about them and I need to continue with life.

 

We all need to continue with life, if you don't you will be left behind.

[BeenThere2]

Oh, and I think she wont contact me because Im pretty sure she hates me.

I do miss and love her and would love to reach out but she needs to reach out to me when she is ready. Honestly, a day doesnt go by I dont think of her but unless she speaks to me Im not contacting her. Its a shame. I still in a very weird way feel like we are meant to be at some point but not right now. Faith hope and time will tell and maybe she'll work it out.

 

Yeah that's another thing I can relate to: that feeling of "meant to be". For some reason that nagging feeling won't leave me either. Anyway, why do you think she hates you? I'm sure it's more hurt and anger than it is actual hate. Besides, one thing I've learned over the years is that people are constantly changing. Moods; feelings; opinions; everything evolves over time. So yeah, good things like love can fade in time if you're not caring for it, but so can negative things like anger and hate.

[BeenThere2]

How long was she with her ex? If it was a long term relationship I can absolutely see your point. She definitely needs to figure herself out. You're 100% right on this one. I hope it works out for the best.

[sampson]

Yeah that's another thing I can relate to: that feeling of "meant to be". For some reason that nagging feeling won't leave me either. Anyway, why do you think she hates you? I'm sure it's more hurt and anger than it is actual hate. Besides, one thing I've learned over the years is that people are constantly changing. Moods; feelings; opinions; everything evolves over time. So yeah, good things like love can fade in time if you're not caring for it, but so can negative things like anger and hate.

 

 

Because I called off everything and broke up with her. Plus I had to go no contact. She was so up and down about working things out and then she started going out all the time afterward. She sent 4-5 messages about going to see someone (for her) and I never responded. I felt like she was just playing me at that point. Plus she lost a good friend over this whole disaster because she was lying to the friend about how she felt saying 'she knows i love her for the good and the bad and is afraid she wont find it again' yet says 'she doesnt think anyone else will put up with her S*** like I do'. Messed up huh? Im sure she has another view, one of abandonment. But like I said there is only so much one person can take and I had already gone over my threshold. When someone is always looking out for you in great times and the worst and you push them away, what are they suppose to do keep running after that person?

[OverYou]

How long was she with her ex? If it was a long term relationship I can absolutely see your point. She definitely needs to figure herself out. You're 100% right on this one. I hope it works out for the best.

 

To be honest I never asked and it never came up, we never really asked each other about our past relationships, I think sometimes it's better that way. All I know is he was a cheat and treated her that badly she decided to move over 7 hours away.

 

Thank you, I hope so too.

[lakedaimonios]

Thanks for your reply!!Food for thought for me!! About 1 week after our last meeting( i said to her i respect your choice bla bla be well it would be good for us to have contact! She was with Eric the day we went out as i told u previous) i learnt that she went to his house and they did some stuff! Eric say everything to Bob! Now i learnt yesterday that she sleeped to his house and they almost got l@id! Just after 1 week! Me and her ok we also did some things but we had s...after a while by mutual dicision! And she liked the fact that we would meet each other better and then....!! So with this guy she did this quickly and then she breaks up with him!! I was pissed off yesterday!! U ll tell to me u2 broke up she is free to sleep in anybody s house!! I agree but her behaviour sends me the message that she does not give a **** for me and she does not respect me! She forgot me so easily like i never excisted! My name is erased from the vocabulary of hers and her friends!! Except the times she said how bad i am!! And i was a gentleman with her!

 

As for the fotos of Eric are erased not locked! Our fotos are there!! I ve also foto with Bob whom erased him from friend as i said before! Why the hell she would keep a foto with me and Bob i dont know!!

 

I thought everything u said to me!! I loved her and still do but its fading over time!

I am a man and i want respect i realize it at last!!And u know what? Eric is so wussy man! He was planing to buy her a new selfphone and even a ring!! His behaviour spoils her! He makes her thinking that she is the one woman the best that she can have anyone she wants even me and him and her ex before me!!

 

I dont want to be in this club of wussies!! That they crave for her attention! Her narcissism is at huge levels!! Eric begs like hell 10 times more than me!! He is expecting her to come back in a couple of days so he can chase her again like hell!

And she enjoy it to reject him again and again like she did with me with the following together and apart rythm the time she did with me back then and now she gives him false hopes and say to him(we ll see ,i dont know etc) and he believes that she will get l@id with him at last!

 

I get it what she wants! She wants me to behave and grap the chance now she is free so she has 2 losers chasing her more increasing her value! No thanks!!!

I decided i ll not send her for her birthday(sorry she has birthday not name day my mistake).

 

I ll keep NC! I ll not give her attention! I will keep her in fb and her number but thats all! Even when she is online i have the feeling that she is waiting for a reaction of me!! like we waits for me to take the bait again!! I suck it all her advertisment and her relationship with Eric at start!! I ll not fall now

 

If a woman wants u and realize her mistakes and how b-i-t-c-h she was she will let u know in some way! She will chase u! I read some of your stories here and i realize that dignity is the most important thing for a dumpy even if the dumper is rebounding or not!!

 

She will realize my value and how b-it-c-h she was!! It does not matter how long it will take!! She will grow up and after an amount of time she will understand that this boring person she had for 7 months respected her space and even she slept with other guy that boring person did not say a word and suck it all!

 

In her birthday she will get a clear message! I bet she waits for me to make a move! HELL NO! First she realizes then we ll talk!! Dignity is such a powerful word!

 

Sorry if i seemed pissed off! I better be here than call her and be with her! She will enjoy it!

[BeenThere2]

No you certainly have every right to be pissed off. Bouncing from one guy to the other may technically be her right if she's single, but she's not being completely honest or fair about it at all. She's clearly playing the two of you because she enjoys the attention and she knows she can get away with it. This game is a massive ego feed for her. Definitely signs of a very self-centered, very insecure person.

 

You're 100% right. If a woman cares about you and wants to be with you, she'll make the effort to let you know. If she made some bad choices and hurt you in the process, she'll own up to those choices and at least try to make amends. It is true that things like fear, guilt, and pride hold many of us back. However, for my money, I don't want a woman who can't own up to her bad behavior. I think if someone can't accept responsibility for their own choices, they won't be worth anything in a long-term relationship. Just my opinion, but I think you're making the right choice. Moving on is hard, especially if we think we've found someone special, but I think once you take a step back and clear your head, you might find it's the best thing you could do. She has to grow up. In the meantime, you have to get on with your life. Good luck. Sounds like you're on the right track.

[whiteoleanders]

It's officially been over a month, and I can honestly say that it's getting worse not better. My heart seems to hurt more and more everyday. I just want to text him and tell him I miss him, and see if he feels the same. I don't care that he has a new GF, I know deep down that there is no way he loves her and that his feelings for me haven't disappeared. I am so empty and hollow without him, and the fact that he's right there next door hurts so much. I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay with this and that life is great, it's not and I miss him more and more everyday. I don't want to be with anyone else, and so I can't force myself to go on dates. I keep myself busy, but everytime something great happens to me all I think is I can't wait to tell him about it, but then I realize that I can't. He was my best friend and the best thing in my life for so long, that life without him isn't life. I keep thinking we're just temporarily away from one another like when we'd visit home for a mini vacation, but that's so far from the truth. I really just want to text him and tell him that I can't do this anymore. I really can't, this is so hard and painful. I don't believe he doesn't miss me, you can't be with someone for so long and just forget about them in a month.

[Mark33]

Since November 2011, I was the rebound guy for my girlfriend, and she was still seeing her ex and meeting him almost everyday. Then in January and February 2012 she had a lot of sex with her ex, when I was away for 3 weeks from the town. Whenever I was away, she was meeting with him and sometimes having sex. They are colleagues in the same University, and this guy never did ANY No-Contact with her.

 

So can you guys explain that at all?

[fox82]

She end the relation in 2 September due some problem with one member of my family and i know that this problem make for her a fear from the future as we was engaged and our plan was to get married on the next summer . We were together for three years and 4 months . We are now not living in our country cause are together in another country and she is living with her family .( sorry im trying to give you details ). She went vacation to our country after few days I fight with her on the phone because the same problem ,One day more she called and inform that's is over, she was very angry so I tried to calm her down but refused so told do what you want and you know how much love . So we split and I do the NC for 20 days . I received a call for her daddy that she want to return my stuff and some gold gift . So I went for them and when i met my EX she start crying with big smile on hes face. So she start talking and inform that she register in the university and some stories. I excuse from because I want to back to my work but she was insistent to stay and asking me that you are not interested to hear my news . I stay and i excuse again about three times. She was talking about the chemistry that build during our relation and how much she in love with Blah Blah, she was very closed in that day and i felt how much she missed, I gave her a small kiss on her face and she also . In the end I asked her if love me this much we can look again for the problem and we will try to solve it, she told the problem not with it's with your family and they hurt me . So she refused . After i left , she called asking about some ring she want to return back to me and I felt that she just calling me to hear my voice again and t know if I'm mad from her . After that I check her call logs online I found that she is communicate with one guy from our country and she send him a message after her flight landing and she is calling him twice a day . So that's mean she already start talking to someone and he is doctor (i'm an engineer) . So unfortunately I called her after few days , I told if love and your saying that you don't have a problem with me so focus on cause you will be my wife only and for the other people don't worry about them and i will not obligate you to do anything for them , I can warranty my self only , and my duty to treat well, gave all the love , not cheat on you , make our dream true and if I'm the man that you need him in your life tell me now she answer at first I don't know and then she said for me why you didn't say it before and any girl you will say for her that she will the most girl happy on planet. She is seeing me as one package with my family. In the end i told no problem i will end it now , and i think what i heard that you start new life or new relation ship for that you don't want to fix the relation , she told shame on you. So I say the name of that guy at first she denying and then she said i have the right to live my life . So i told her now it's your life and you can do anything you want wish you all the best and I'm out now , but you are now using this guy to heal from my love but you will not but maybe yes no body knows . In the end she start saying I loved you really I loved you , I told her that from the past . She start saying i love you very much but i end the call with best wishes in her life blah blah and she was asking me to stay in touch so I told I will not call back but can call me if you want anything.(This phone call was on 25 September for one hour) After few hours i was checking my whatsapp I found she blocked me and after two day she close her line (cause it's under my name ) . Today i send her some money with my friend because she was paying with me for a car. At first she refused to get it, my friend called me back so i told him go back to her office and give it back too her . So when he back to her office she was crying and her colleague (girl) siting in the office , she got the money and she inform my friend that she dreamed about me today and she ask him to get married soon (he engaged ) because if we were married that broke up not happen ,

 

All this stuff make me confused, I don't know what to do , she is acting or not . please if you can help me

[fox82]

She end the relation in 2 September due some problem with one member of my family and i know that this problem make for her a fear from the future as we was engaged and our plan was to get married on the next summer . We were together for three years and 4 months . We are now not living in our country cause are together in another country and she is living with her family .( sorry im trying to give you details ). She went vacation to our country after few days I fight with her on the phone because the same problem ,One day more she called and inform that's is over, she was very angry so I tried to calm her down but refused so told do what you want and you know how much love . So we split and I do the NC for 20 days . I received a call for her daddy that she want to return my stuff and some gold gift . So I went for them and when i met my EX she start crying with big smile on hes face. So she start talking and inform that she register in the university and some stories. I excuse from because I want to back to my work but she was insistent to stay and asking me that you are not interested to hear my news . I stay and i excuse again about three times. She was talking about the chemistry that build during our relation and how much she in love with Blah Blah, she was very closed in that day and i felt how much she missed, I gave her a small kiss on her face and she also . In the end I asked her if love me this much we can look again for the problem and we will try to solve it, she told the problem not with it's with your family and they hurt me . So she refused . After i left , she called asking about some ring she want to return back to me and I felt that she just calling me to hear my voice again and t know if I'm mad from her . After that I check her call logs online I found that she is communicate with one guy from our country and she send him a message after her flight landing and she is calling him twice a day . So that's mean she already start talking to someone and he is doctor (i'm an engineer) . So unfortunately I called her after few days , I told if love and your saying that you don't have a problem with me so focus on cause you will be my wife only and for the other people don't worry about them and i will not obligate you to do anything for them , I can warranty my self only , and my duty to treat well, gave all the love , not cheat on you , make our dream true and if I'm the man that you need him in your life tell me now she answer at first I don't know and then she said for me why you didn't say it before and any girl you will say for her that she will the most girl happy on planet. She is seeing me as one package with my family. In the end i told no problem i will end it now , and i think what i heard that you start new life or new relation ship for that you don't want to fix the relation , she told shame on you. So I say the name of that guy at first she denying and then she said i have the right to live my life . So i told her now it's your life and you can do anything you want wish you all the best and I'm out now , but you are now using this guy to heal from my love but you will not but maybe yes no body knows . In the end she start saying I loved you really I loved you , I told her that from the past . She start saying i love you very much but i end the call with best wishes in her life blah blah and she was asking me to stay in touch so I told I will not call back but can call me if you want anything.(This phone call was on 25 September for one hour) After few hours i was checking my whatsapp I found she blocked me and after two day she close her line (cause it's under my name ) . Today i send her some money with my friend because she was paying with me for a car. At first she refused to get it, my friend called me back so i told him go back to her office and give it back too her . So when he back to her office she was crying and her colleague (girl) siting in the office , she got the money and she inform my friend that she dreamed about me today and she ask him to get married soon (he engaged ) because if we were married that broke up not happen ,

 

All this stuff make me confused, I don't know what to do , she is acting or not . please if you can help me

[lakedaimonios]

I want to think i am on the right track!! I have my ups and down!! Today for example i wanted to speak to her so badly!! Its so easy if u have her on fb and she is online all day!! Its just a click BeenThere2! I think u understand me! I dont know where i find the power not to talk to her...

 

I got an opinion from a friend he told me that if u send her next week(birthday) u may accomplish little things! She will expect for u to be here for her to wish her the best ect and that in her head means that she can get away with her behavior like u wish her and forget all of what she did to u and your feelings!! But if u dont send u can accomplish greater things than u can imagine!

 

She will be surprised and for once in her life she will not think u of u as granded!! Also if she trully liked u loved u before(and he told me dont even take for serious her badmouthing) this behavior will hurt her in some point and after a matter of time(cause u must be patient) she may do simple steps towards u!!

 

Also he told be that the air must be cleared from Eric!! She feels pressure cause he chases her again and again and he will chase her for way too long so she may think even u are an enemy envading her space !! Or she is a very self centered person who loves to play with all of u like u said before BeenThere2!

 

So he told me to wait dont send anything and the time will send me the message if she needs space

from Erics pressure and space in general, if she regrets for her behavior , or if she is just a *****!!

 

I also mark your words when u say (It is true that things like fear, guilt, and pride hold many of us back).

But it will be lame not to send me if she is feeling guilt or she does not want to lower her pride!! In this case NC makes 2 person further away right? And this is where i am confused....If she wants u but she is afraid to admit things and take resposibility!! Its a bit complicated... What do u think about it?

[Jake_hope]

Do you think the rebound relationship works in a long distance relationship?

 

My ex rebounded to some guy so fast after our break up and this thread gave me some hope but then the whole distance thing...

[vel2011]

Same with me. Read my old threads. After 3 yrs she broke up with me and got with an old friend long distance a week later. They are still together a year on. Hardest 6 mths of my life originally. But now I am the happiest I have ever been and still single, and I only wish her the best.

[Jake_hope]

Same with me. Read my old threads. After 3 yrs she broke up with me and got with an old friend long distance a week later. They are still together a year on. Hardest 6 mths of my life originally. But now I am the happiest I have ever been and still single, and I only wish her the best.

 

Your post made me lose some hope, then I read your threads. The part about him is rich, yeah I can see why they are still together after a year. I talked to my mom about my situation cause she old and been around. I told her about the new guy my ex is with, my ex shes 22 turning 23 in January, this guy just turned 21 in JUNE! He is still in school as well and my ex graduated school and has a full time job. My mom said not to worry and she will come back...then again I am not sure if this guy is rich, time will tell I guess.

[Jake_hope]

Here is an important question I have for you all.

 

Can one rebound before the break up? I thought my ex rebounded after we broke up, I'm sure she might had her eye on someone else before we actually broke up but now I found out she basically cheated.

 

She was flirting with him during the month of of September and we broke up the end of September. Now I was being controlling and insecure all month long and now I have proof my thoughts were right.

 

I'm trying to make sense of it all and I think she met this guy and flirted, the more things got worse with me she, started to choose him more over me. Then once we broke up, she just went extremely fast with this guy. Can this be considered a rebound never mind the fact that this doesn't bound to normal rebound rules?

[BeenThere2]

Here is an important question I have for you all.

 

Can one rebound before the break up? I thought my ex rebounded after we broke up, I'm sure she might had her eye on someone else before we actually broke up but now I found out she basically cheated.

 

She was flirting with him during the month of of September and we broke up the end of September. Now I was being controlling and insecure all month long and now I have proof my thoughts were right.

 

I'm trying to make sense of it all and I think she met this guy and flirted, the more things got worse with me she, started to choose him more over me. Then once we broke up, she just went extremely fast with this guy. Can this be considered a rebound never mind the fact that this doesn't bound to normal rebound rules?

 

Actually it's very common, especially with women it seems (not sure why that is). This happened to me too after 6.5 years. Keep in mind that the dumper usually takes time to emotionally distance themselves from the dumpee before pulling the trigger. Oftentimes this means picking up an emotional bandaid (rebound) before the breakup occurs. I'm sorry, how long were you two together?