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Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship


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DONT answer that email ! Let her dry up a litle ! She dumped you,.let her crawl back ! Now she needs you to make her feel better over the break-up !

Dont give her that satisfaction ! She wants you on the back burner ! Hold on !

She will toy you as much as she can ! IGNORE HER TOTALLY AND BE PATIENT ! SHE WILL TELL YOU YOU CAN BE HER FRIEND..REJECT THAT.

DONT GIVE HER ONE INCH ! SHE MIGHT REGRET HER DECISION SOON.THATS

ALL THE CONTROL YOU HAVE LEFT,KEEP IT OR DIE !!!! BE A GHOST !!!

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After a break-up dumpers will reevaluate the situation.Some will think long and hard on the split. Some will think, " what did i do " !!! They miss the other one..they feel guilty and they start to communicate ! Its a good start because you are now in control.If you want reconciliation,let her crawl back.

Messages whitout reconcialiation in it must be rejected.NC is great for that.

If you dont want her back,ignore her forever ! If she wants reconciliation,make her earn it and make sure the other b/f is no longer in the picture ! good luck

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DONT answer that email ! Let her dry up a litle ! She dumped you,.let her crawl back ! Now she needs you to make her feel better over the break-up !

Dont give her that satisfaction ! She wants you on the back burner ! Hold on !

She will toy you as much as she can ! IGNORE HER TOTALLY AND BE PATIENT ! SHE WILL TELL YOU YOU CAN BE HER FRIEND..REJECT THAT.

DONT GIVE HER ONE INCH ! SHE MIGHT REGRET HER DECISION SOON.THATS

ALL THE CONTROL YOU HAVE LEFT,KEEP IT OR DIE !!!! BE A GHOST !!!

 

It's freaking HARD. It's taken quite a bit not replying these last couple days, even with some indifferent like "thanks, you too." I felt like I would never get a text like that.

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It's freaking HARD. It's taken quite a bit not replying these last couple days, even with some indifferent like "thanks, you too." I felt like I would never get a text like that.

 

Most who did reply to the ex failed ! Same for the ones who becomes friendly.

Its hard but the reward could be much higher ! I know its hard,3 months for me,its eating me alive really.Im telling you,if you stay in contact,soon she will ignore you full time.She cant miss what she already has and will lose all interest in you ! It will be your own downfall and your fault for screwing up !

If you feel like contacting her,call a friend or a family member or come here for support ! Beside,she will try to reach you early from what i read from your story ! There is no magic potion to bring an ex back..sometime its like trying to force a horse to drink water.The way she is,it wont take a month.

If you dont do nothing,then you cant screw up,simple ! NC is for healing,getting your ex back is second,you must think of YOU first ! Having your hopes to high can make you a miserable being.BE STRONG LIKE A MAN !

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DO NOT let them put you in the friend zone. no no no . bad bad. means that there view you changes to exactly that. i said to my recent ex who is the one. he dumped me. i told him that i couldnt be his friend because thats not how our relationship was. thats kicks that thought back for them. so that later on as ur not "friends" ur something else. i dont like the word ex. once u were intimatly connected and because u werent in the friend zone. u have an advantage!

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It seems like NC is time honored, but I'm still not familiar with the right time to break it and why. So to you after 6-7 weeks and her first legitimate sweet break of NC, it's still too early?

 

Well,for me there is NC from me ! The dumper has to reach you first ! why ? Because you will know that she cares and that she misses you ! But if you call first, you will never know. and the timing could be right off ! If she never tried to reach you,well that would be clear to anyone...that their is nothing left to save ! At that point you may try but dont expect anything in return ! IF your ex still loves you and the relationship was good,after a while nostalgia will kick in, and then its very hard to stay away from the ex.Women are a lot more emotional than man ! I learn that from Zorba..he has 2 very good post,REBOUND AND RELATIONSHIPS,PAGE 1 AND 2.GO AND READ IT !

To me its the only good way to heal and have a chance for the ex to come back.You must do it right or you will waste your time.Dont forget,the x could come back but there is no time attached to it.By what i read in many threads,

it should be before 6 months but sometimes one year or even more !

It stinks but thats all you can do really.The dumper has the last decision, and thats the reality ! But remember,YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY EX !!!

Edited by bitebenot
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DO NOT let them put you in the friend zone. no no no . bad bad. means that there view you changes to exactly that. i said to my recent ex who is the one. he dumped me. i told him that i couldnt be his friend because thats not how our relationship was. thats kicks that thought back for them. so that later on as ur not "friends" ur something else. i dont like the word ex. once u were intimatly connected and because u werent in the friend zone. u have an advantage!

 

I totaly agree with you STAR on thar one ! Once a dumpee accepts that, he becomes nothing more than a " puppett " ! The dumper will use the dumpee and flush him/her a second time !

How * * * * 1ng sad huh ? Thats what i call a total lost of control ! The ex is left with nothing at all.Lost of love for him./herself..depression..losing weight,

sleepless nights and nightmares ! I personnaly know this sh1t.

Once theres a break-up,the best to do is to move on and ignore the ex.

Take time to heal,go out with friends or family and go to the gym.

If the ex comes back,you can decide if you should take the risk or not.

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So if your ex has "moved on" but keeps saying stuff like I wish you never left me, I feel so alone without you even when I am with her, I love you, like you said we will be together again, I want to give us another chance.. and so much more, what are his intentions if he is still with this girl? She is clearly a rebound. He doesn't see it though. What do I do? Do I tell him to leave me alone, which I have. He even asked me to go out tonight when he picks up our son. What is he doing? Do I tell his rebound and show her what he has said me? Nobody deserves that. He needs to be honest with both of us because it is so frustrating. If he can play this game, how do I beat him at it?

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So if your ex has "moved on" but keeps saying stuff like I wish you never left me, I feel so alone without you even when I am with her, I love you, like you said we will be together again, I want to give us another chance.. and so much more, what are his intentions if he is still with this girl? She is clearly a rebound. He doesn't see it though. What do I do? Do I tell him to leave me alone, which I have. He even asked me to go out tonight when he picks up our son. What is he doing? Do I tell his rebound and show her what he has said me? Nobody deserves that. He needs to be honest with both of us because it is so frustrating. If he can play this game, how do I beat him at it?

 

TARA,

First what is your age group ? How long were you two together ? How long was he with the rebound ? For now, dont accept to go on a date with him !

First you need to ask him if he wants reconciliation ! Second he MUST DUMP the rebound girl immediately ! Third he must beg ! Does he cry when he talks to you ? Was there any problems he needs to fix before you take him back ?

Do you think it will work even if he left you for another one ?

Lots to work on.If you two are willing i dont see why it wouldnt work.

The way it looks,he seems to be regretting his decision to leave you !

It boils down to this,he has to prove to you that the NEW relation will last !!!

**** dont talk to the his g/f ,i dont see the point of doing so.

Edited by bitebenot
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TARA,

First what is your age group ? How long were you two together ? How long was he with the rebound ? For now, dont accept to go on a date with him !

First you need to ask him if he wants reconciliation ! Second he MUST DUMP the rebound girl immediately ! Third he must beg ! Does he cry when he talks to you ? Was there any problems he needs to fix before you take him back ?

Do you think it will work even if he left you for another one ?

Lots to work on.If you two are willing i dont see why it wouldnt work.

The way it looks,he seems to be regretting his decision to leave you !

It boils down to this,he has to prove to you that the NEW relation will last !!!

**** dont talk to the his g/f ,i dont see the point of doing so.

I disagree with you in one thing:

First, he must dump the other girl. If his intentions are true, then there cannot be someone else in the picture.

Second, and only after he dumps her, then they should talk about reconciliation. I don't see myself talking to a girl about trying again if she's seeing another guy. No way. If that's me she wants, then why there is someone else in the story? No sense to me.

 

Besides this detail, I agree with you.

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I disagree with you in one thing:

First, he must dump the other girl. If his intentions are true, then there cannot be someone else in the picture.

Second, and only after he dumps her, then they should talk about reconciliation. I don't see myself talking to a girl about trying again if she's seeing another guy. No way. If that's me she wants, then why there is someone else in the story? No sense to me.

 

Besides this detail, I agree with you.

 

First.. i meant if he wants reconciliation..maybe he will say no !

This first step is only a question to him ! If he answers yes, then he has no choice but to dump her ! But i agree with you,for him to prove he is serious,he should break-up with his rebound. He probably thinks his ex wont take him back,who knows ! Not enough information to work with.

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First.. i meant if he wants reconciliation..maybe he will say no !

This first step is only a question to him ! If he answers yes, then he has no choice but to dump her ! But i agree with you,for him to prove he is serious,he should break-up with his rebound. He probably thinks his ex wont take him back,who knows ! Not enough information to work with.

Yes, I understood it was just a question.

But, in my opinion, he must be left in the dark as much as possible. Since he decided to break-up in the first place, and now it seems he regrets doing it, then I think that everything he does now should be because he wants to be back, not because he knows she wants him back. He should have as little information as possible.

You got the idea: he must prove he is serious about it. Talk is cheap. Actions count. I think that before she even thinks about talking to him about reconciliation, he should DO something, prove what he says. It's easy and good for HIM to have this rebound girl AND talk about trying again.

 

And, if he doesn't want reconciliation...one more reason to close the door on him. People like that annoy me. He shouldn't be saying all those things.

 

Ah, we agree about the basics.

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Could some of the ENA gurus please take a guess at if the chances are good for my ex to come back. I'll try sum it up like this.

 

- Together for 3.5 years (was a good relationship no abuse, etc)

- Dumped me for her boss on Nov. 29th, 2009

- First week, I begged and pleaded on two occasions

- Second week, did L/C but still poured my heart to her when she thought I was mad at her for not talking to her as much at the end of the week.

- Third week went N/C (she started missing me during this point, tells people she has noticed all the changes I made and loves them)

- Fourth/Fifth week L/C She tells me and anybody who will listen how much she misses me and tells me how much she still loves me, I poured my heart to her again, we kissed on New Years, and spent the night and whole next day together (We hadnt seen each other for three weeks before New Years)

- Currently on week six and started it by explaining to her that there will be absolutely N/C while she is dating her boss and I'm talking to a girl that I met a few weeks ago(She cries, claims New Years was special to her, claims she still loves me, and all that other stuff)

 

So as one could tell, I wasnt completely in the picture for the whole month but was still in it for bits' and pieces, and made the mistake of professing my love to her more than once. Does it seem like I was around for to long and killed my chances of reconciliation or did I still get out just in time and can still get back with her?

Edited by syxx87
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Shes keeping you in the picture for when things fall apart with her boss,

Stay NC, my ex said the same thing, came back for 3 days, and then went back to her rebound.

If she means what she said, she'll do anything to get it back.

Her reluctance to end things with her boss means she's not sure what she wants.

Stay NC until she ends things with her boss, and when and if she comes back, Dont rush back into things, tell her its your way or no way.

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syxxx,

Dont go from LC to NC and to LC....you know she misses you,very good sign !

From now on you will ignore everything from her ! Dont use FB or others similar.Take messages on your phone,never answer ! SHE DUMPED YOU !

That means she has to be the one doing the chase ! Now shes feeling guilty,she misses you...you will become her crutch ! Become a ghost...Make sure even your voice isnt on the answering machine !!!

Have no pity for her at all ! She will have to beg as much as you did if not more ! And dont take her to quickly or she will leave you again and for good !

She also knows theres another girl in your life...thats very good.

Put her picture on FB with you kissing her ! That will kill her right there.

Some would say " its not right " but it is ! totaly NC from now on and be patient.If she truly loves you she will come back,if not, it would mean shes ok the way she is and so will you.Dont forget it might take a couple of months for her to react.For now,take care of yourself,have fun and be patient.

Imperative,dont hurt your new g/f ,keep it slow because your ex might come back,good luck,keep posting if somethiong new arises.Sad day 29/11 was my birthday !!! lol

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I think SYXXX has a very good chance if he does it well ! Shes having a hard time to deal with the situation...she wants to be in touch with syxxx.All good.

If he waits patiently,she will be very unhappy with her rebound.

She will cry and have sleepless nights,Nostalgia will kick in and she wont be able to control herself any longer,Shes very emotional.SYXX is in control now and thats excellent.NC will give SYXX a chance to think clearly and the ex to reevaluate her decision.The rebound guy has a lot of work to do to keep her !

As soon they hit a bump or when the honeymoon is over she will dump him.

I guess her boss is a womenizer and a sweet talker.

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Well I'm 24 and we were together 4.5 years, engaged for 2 then I became pregnant. When our son born we started to have real problems, mostly related to PPD. I ended up having an emotional affair when our son was 1, we got back together but then 6 months later we broke up again. I threw myself into a rebound relationship to help myself forget about him. I told him about a month later I missed him. I told him I wanted to come home when I was ready. (We were having so many problems I didn't want to rush back into things and then everything start all over again. I wanted to make sure we had changed) Well my ex kept saying break up with this guy if you want to be with me. I eventually did but it was too late. I told him I was ready to come home and the next day he gets a girlfriend. He has dated her for a month and a half. I know she is just a rebound girl. He is doing the exact same thing I did. Anyways, even when they started dating he has said all this stuff to keep me on a leash. When I say if you feel this way why aren't we together? He says, because I'm with somebody. I have tried the whole LC thing, only talking to him about our son, then every few days I hear from him again saying more stuff! He knows that I made a big mistake of leaving him, but I feel like if I never left we would hate each other now. He keeps saying I wish you never left and what not. So the other day he asks me out. I ended up going out to dinner with him last night. I wasn't going to talk about anything but he brought it up so we started talking about everything. I basically told him he has until Wednesday to decide if he wants to be with me or not. I said I will be at the place where we met at this time, and if you show up then the past doesn't exist. We will work together for our future. I'm tired of being his back-up. He even asked me why I can't wait. I told him I want it all or nothing. I think it was a wake-up call to him. Anyways, we've been through a lot, and I've realized he is the guy I want to be with. He has said many times he is scared that I will leave him again and that I'm too hot for him and any young guy that comes along will take me away. (He is 35, I'm 24) Does anybody think he will come to his senses as to what he is doing? He thinks he is doing nothing wrong but feels like he is. He even grabbed my ass last night and thinks his gf wouldn't mind. If I found out that my bf was saying all this and grabbing his ex gf's ass I would kick him to the curb. What the heck is going through his mind? I know he wants to be with me, but why is he dragging this on?

Edited by tara_flynn
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Btw, I did a little research on rebound relationships and what I went through with my rebound and what my ex is doing with his is the exact same. I know what I did was wrong, but he is doing the same with this girl. She doesn't even know that he is in contact with me this way, doesn't know we hang out, and doesn't know that is is still hung up on me. Poor girl. I feel bad for her. One sided relationships don't work and that is what he's got. I told him he needs to tell her what's going on because he is being very dishonest with her! That's when he says he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong but feels like he is.

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Anon and bitebenot, thanks for your input! I dont want to get my hopes up but your words definitely are encouraging. She left me for her boss because I wasnt as affectionate as she would have wanted and he is "Mr. Romantic" and does little things I didnt do but I'm guessing those little things arent big enough if she kissed me behind his back on New Years and still tells me she loves me. I made the mistake of everytime she would show a little bit of worry, I automatically assumed that I had her where I wanted her not realizing that it was just her way of subconcsiously trying to make sure I was still on the back burner for her. Thats why I decided to tell her that we will have strict N/C while she is with her boss and until she figures out what she wants. Its' been hard because with each day that passes, it shows that she is still with him (which stings a little) but with each passing day, I find myself feeling just a little (literally just a little) better. Do any other people have any input on my situation at all?

Edited by syxx87
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TARA,

Your couple needs counselling is a worse way ! The way its going aint good at all ! You had a rebound, now its his turn ! Going to be a tough one.

Im sure he did this for getting even with you,a form of vengeance.

You gave him an ultimatum...doesnt always work ! Maybe he will think that you are playing poker ! He did ask you to wait...so he likes his rebound at this time ! I did answer you in a previous post.Not much more to add.

I wonder if a couple going through such miseries can recuperate from it !

Anytime you will have a fight,this will emerge every time !

You love him,he loves you...but you're raging war one after another.

Counselling will be a must but will he accept ?

The best for now its NC till he dumps his rebound and crawls back ! ** Also a child to think about,he must be your priority !

Good luck, you will need it.

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