Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship

[Samatha]

Ino ive done NC twice now but i feel it is the best way for me to help me move on and as well make her see what she lost as she always starts chasing, but i think the idea that if the dumpee hangs around it makes it easier for dumper to get attached to the next thing.

 

Hi everyone... this is my story:

 

As for the chronicle, I'm the dumpee. Dumper loved me and did everything for me, I had problems (depression among others), didn't show love and was always moody, and he dumped me. He told he 'finally saw my true character', he didn't want to invest anymore, neither now nor never again in us.. The first days he contacted me and even told me he moght give me an opportunity.. after some more days I nagged so much that he told me he wouldn't contact me anymore nor give me any chances..

Since 4 week I'm doing NC, joined a gym, studying, going to a counselor: working on me.

But it's hard. I think he might be already in a relationship, and after me, everything else is better. One fear is, as many here, that he find someone that now fits better for him and never ever reconsiders me again (and then again I think, he left and did so much for me, always telling me I was the woman of is dreams, being so many years together, me 25 and him 33.. that I think it's impossibile to creat that fast something we had... but it's just a stupid hope of mine)..

 

So I think, me not being around, actually helps him to forget and get over me and join a beautifully new relation.

I let go. I'm letting go of him, I'm consequently doing NC BUT, I'm not giving up on him.

Or rather, I'm trying not to give up, because at times, I feel so much without hope, that I'm about to give up on him and never again try to show up. Those are ideas I have when I feel really down.. most of the time I think, or hope, that when he see my changes, he might realize that he did wrong dumping on me just because of a temporay 'complication'.

 

SO I'm doing NC, I'm reading a lot about non chalancy, and now reading this thread, too. As said, I'm letting go.. But wouldn't like to give up, not yet, not until I can show him the changes..

 

But there's also fear around, because there's still the will of wanting him back and be together... Everyone tells me to not nurture any hopes.. but sometimes I want them to exist.. (like today when having fever and feeling sicks makes me miss him more than the other days)..

 

I've read many motivational push up post here, and while recieving many 'forget him, move on, he won't come back' etc, I don't expect after maybe reading my story to become any positive feeds back. But the thread makes me understand myself better and makes me feel better, so I thought of writing here, too..

[WildChild]

Although it’s been quite a long time since I’ve posted about problems I was having in my previous relationship, I came back here to help find answers. I’ve read about half of everyone’s posts and heartbreaks. Although my story is quite different than anything I’ve read thus far, I am posting to anyone of you who don’t understand, are looking for answers, or hoping or wondering how to win your ex back.

 

I’ve had every relationship scenario possible, outside of losing a partner to death. I’ve dated and married the father of my children, only for it to end due to an affair he was having. I tried to reconcile, I did everything possible from anger to resentment, to acceptance, to playing what I thought would be mind games to win him back, to NC, to counseling. For a short time, a week or two, it was going to happen. BUT, the gal he was having the affair with would not stay out of the picture. He couldn’t decide between the two, so I made the decision for him and filed for divorce. Their relationship did not last, and he has yet to find and stay faithful in a committed relationship. He asked last year for reconciliation after 7 years of being a part. My feelings for him have long ago changed. Although I will always love him, I’m no longer in love with him. Something I never thought possible, and nothing short of anything there is no way I could trust him. More than that, the things he did to me after our divorce, and although forgiven and forgotten to a point, I couldn’t go back to someone who could be so thoughtless in someone else’s feelings or just plain not having human decency to someone he once had called his wife. I could have worked through the affair, but it was after our divorce and the things he said, did, and behaved is what did put the nail in the coffin for me.

 

After the divorce, I met a man I was interested in. We dated for a short time, had sex, and shortly after he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Out of loneliness and liking the companionship of having someone to do something with, we agreed on FWB. The deal was that if we start seeing someone or sleeping with someone else, we tell the other person. I was honest, he was not. He jumped into a relationship with a married woman, about destroyed their marriage, and had her all over my case because he had lied to her about me. Drama, drama, drama. Not to mention I felt like crap for allowing myself to do something like that, looking for a temporary fix.

 

I met a man about a ½ year later who I ended up having a relationship for close to five years, we broke up nearly two years ago. When we met, he had made he decision 6 months prior to completely cut out his ex from his life. She was into drugs heavily, his family hated her, and so on and so forth. We broke up after 6 weeks mutually, but started to date about five months later and it was a very rocky relationship. I put forth so much effort, love, forgiveness etc. He was always back and forth, and I never knew where I stood. I became quite miserable and many times reconciled with him because of feeling bad for him, etc. Two years ago, he was coming to stay at my house and was quite delayed getting there. He intentionally picked a fight, told me to say I was sorry for mouthing off to him or he was going to go with a gal who wanted him. I told him to go. Well, he did. I was devastated. All of a sudden things were perfect, our relationship wasn’t that bad, how could he throw us away, how could he be with someone the very next day. I tried desperately to fix things, only to push him away more. He was sooo happy with this new gal, their life was perfect. He led me to believe he needed time away to think, all the while still dating her. I told him that was fine, take the time. BIG mistake, shame on me for allowing THAT. I turned it to LC, it worked. He came around a little bit. I decided to do the NC, and it worked. Eventually I would hear from him, it gave me hope. By then, I had thought of it more a game to myself, how long could I go without talking to him. During that time though, I met someone unexpectedly, and although that didn’t work out he was someone who was so different than my ex, and more of someone who shared my values and morals that it gave me the strength to realize I was holding onto something I hadn’t even wanted with my ex, he was NOT the person I wanted, and it was because my EGO was bruised. A few months later he came around, and guess what there was problems with his now girlfriend. They moved way too fast according to him. They worked through it so he said, but still now a year later they are having problems, and he actually moved out of the house they bought together. This is a man who left his work and town to go move to be closer to her within a few months of meeting. He had hinted for reconciliation, and has apologized more than once over the last year for all that he did and didn’t do during our relationship. It’s too late; my feelings for him have long since passed, and will never be the same. Most importantly I realized all of our differences and that I want someone more suited to me and a life I want.

 

My last relationship, met a wonderful man. He had an on again off again relationship with a gal for close to a year, and had broken up for good as a mutual decision (he told me) five months prior. He had great respect for her, wonderful woman, but it just wasn’t going to work. With us, it was a whirlwind romance, and I fell hard and fast. So did he, and by others thoughts as well we both had found the perfect person for ourselves. One and half months into it, he tells me he has unresolved feelings for his ex girlfriend. First thought, I’m done, time to bolt, I’m outta here. But he asks for me to think about things because he doesn’t want to lose me, loves everything about me, and is afraid that if we take the time apart I may have moved on or tell him to “F off” by the time he is fully past her. I take a week to think, and agree with him we’ll try it but take it slow. Another month and a half into it, he ends it because it’s not fair to me. We agree to remain friends, talk all the time, do things. A month later he tells me he doesn’t think we could ever have a relationship, would not and still does not give me any reason why not, BUT during that conversation he tells me about a conversation they had ONE month before he and I met that if it didn’t work with this guy she started to date she would call him, AND that he had been hearing from her via email off and on, and only THEN did he tell her no more contact. He had lied to me. All because he was afraid to lose me. I would imagine, based on past experience and things I have heard from her that she found out he was dating, and although she’s dating someone different, nor wanted a relationship with him, she was in contact because she didn’t want him to move on. Not because she loved him, but because she didn’t want someone else to have him, or to make him happy. We fought, I said nothing about what he had just told me, but didn’t talk for a month. We started talking again, doing things, and occasionally slept together. We had another fight, and didn’t talk for another month, again we reconciled still remaining friends. I felt I was in a place to still be in his life. We still did things, talked on a daily basis, and again occasionally would end up in each others arms. We talked about when the other person starts dating etc. just close to a month ago. I got a text from him 2 weeks ago, he was going on a date. WHAM, there it was. Someone I thought I had worked through enough to stay in his life, and he in mine, just confirmed he met someone he liked enough to want to go on a date with. And where was I? On the outside, someone he once dated but couldn’t emotionally commit to, and someone he would never date again. I told him there was no room in his life for me now, he wouldn’t want to be hearing from me and neither will this new gal. We talked more about our relationship, told me if it hurt me in anyway then he didn’t want me to do anything that would hurt me if it was too hard to still talk, etc. and he was getting mad even talking about, and he ends it that the breakup did have a lot to do with not being over all of his feelings for his ex. It hurts like hell. But to stay in the picture is not helping me, and it’s not allowing him either to find out anything more for him or what makes him happy. I would rather walk away with dignity and respect of him dating, then to be a reminder to him that I’m still here. Because at the end of the day, or sending that text, or calling to see how’s he’s doing is only prolonging my healing, and realizing that even if we do care about one another, by me staying in his life is possibly going to have him question my intentions of why. Or maybe it will piss him off, or he’ll feel like I’m interfering. Anything short of staying out his life now could possibly hinder any thoughts he may still have for me, let alone feelings. And during this time, and even if it does hurt like hell, but I need to concentrate on what is best for ME, what is going to make me a better more wiser person in all of this. Maybe it will work with this gal, and maybe it won’t. I know if I stayed in his life, it would be interfering like his ex did. That isn’t fair to him, this new gal, or me. I would feel rotten about myself, especially because I would never want him to feel I’m doing it for all the wrong reasons. I want his happiness; I just can’t be that person or friend to him right now let alone maybe ever again. I hope for the day that comes when it won’t matter because I concentrated on myself, and not them.

 

What I have learned through all of this is many things. At the end of the day it’s about the other person, and not you. Not to take the brunt and burden of them making mistakes, or wrong decisions, onto yourself. If you know and see things that need to change about yourself, things they thought were problems and you genuinely see it yourself, then fix them. Don’t fix them to win back your ex, fix them to make you a better person. IF you don’t fix it for yourself, then it’s truly not fixed. It’s like fixing glass with Scotch tape, it may fix it temporarily but the tape eventually wears off. You need glue, something that is going to hold it together. But also too, even if they don’t see what they had or have with you, and all you can offer. Guess what, that TOO is their problem. But somebody out there does see it in you, and is probably shaking their head wondering how or why someone could give you up. I promise you that.

 

If you think that NC is going to win back your ex, at what cost will it come to. Each and every one of my exes have come back when they haven’t heard from me, or wondered what I’ve been up to. By then, I’ve moved on. Why? Because my self confidence went up, I realized by not talking to them lessens thinking about them, or what they’re doing, etc. I thought it would win them back, and it could’ve. But what I realized is that would anything have changed, or was it because they wanted back what the once had because now I wasn’t there reminding them. How many relationships have reconciled and lasted because of someone going NC? NC is to take this relationship and work past it. Work past your hurt, work on yourself, explore your thought and feelings, and to become a better person for YOURSELF, not someone else. Hoping to lure someone back into your life by going NC just to win them back is game playing. Yes they might think about you, yes they may want to find out what you’re doing so you’ll hear them inquiring, but what happens once that curiosity has wore off? The relationship falls apart again, and only leading to more confusion, hurt, hate, desperation, etc. Relationships that HAVE worked by staying out of contact are the people who have taken the time during the break of months, or years, and have learned along the way and have taken care of themselves. Have taken life experiences and applied them properly to be a better person, and a better partner. Because if there is any love still left for the other person, you will never forget that love. Never. But if it was bad timing, or bad circumstances, or something happened that couldn’t allow the relationship to continue, that love will find its way back. And when it does, it’s going to mean more the second time around than the first and is more likely to last than not. Love is not a game, so you can’t play it like it is. Someone always loses in a game.

 

The most important thing I did learn was that everyone thinks “Oh we had problems, but they weren’t that bad.” Maybe they were or maybe they weren’t. To delude yourself it wasn’t that bad when you know you probably have sacrificed a lot just to have it is only lying to yourself. It kills now, and you think your life is over. The only one who can allow that to happen, to destroy yourself is by allowing your ex to determine in your mind what you think is your self worth. YOU have to realize what your self worth is, and go from there. The ONLY, ONLY way reconciliations work is if two people truly, truly want it. That they have taken the time to explore their thoughts, feelings, wants and desires, and to have learned from any mistakes they have made. Not only in the relationship with you, but in previous relationships before you or after you. There is not magic formula, but healing yourself. If you think that popping in and out of your ex’s life is what it’s going to take to cure it, ask yourself why. What purpose is it serving you or to them. If they’re out dating, allow them to. It might be what it takes for them to realize they’re not over you, or still have feelings for you. It might make them into a better person if and when they come back. Or maybe they won’t come back, but because you have concentrated on yourself it allowed you, YOURSELF to move on, and many times when you do look back, and even if there are fond memories, you will always be thankful that they let you go rather than stayed with you because they felt they had to. That’s not love. Love has to start by loving yourself enough, and a very attractive quality. You need to step out of their lives to allow them that freedom. Because if they are dating, or don’t want to date you right now, they feel the need for some reason. Maybe it’s not a good reason, or maybe it is in their mind, or it’s because they have the ‘grass is greener syndrome’ or whatever. But they have to figure it out for themselves. Neither you nor anyone else can do that for them. Only they can.

 

I’ve always said the people who scare me the most are those who do not look within themselves and learn from their mistakes. Learn from this, grow from this, make yourself a better person because you want that for yourself. Never allow someone else to determine your worth, because you ARE worth it, it’s remembering to believe in yourself is the first step to start healing.

[Samatha]

I underline what you've said. The first time my ex and I broke up and then made up it was following kinda the things you said.

Right now the situation between us is different. I hurt him without wanting (always quarreling, moody etc, never cheated or lied), now he thinks I'm not how I used to be and we're not meant to be. I thought I was indifferent to him, truth is, I'm not, since he is angered and bittered, maybe even hates me (but he's not closing ALL of the doors with me).

I'm taking care of myself right now and letting go of him.

But I want to get him back when I get better. I hope he gets again attracted to me after some time passes and maybe understanding that I'm as I always used to be.

 

 

I hope I can be with him together again, when I'm feeling better and have resolved my own problems.

[Destiny2112]

A very very nice post! I love reading in!!! Thanks so much for sharing this!

[Wildcars]

So basically, just stay NC, disappear, and let the relationship go it's course..

[sgt pepper]

So basically, just stay NC, disappear, and let the relationship go it's course..

 

And improve yourself in the meantime.

[Outshined]

And improve yourself in the meantime.

 

I agree with sgt pepper......

 

And from my own personal experience, I cannot stress this enough.

 

While the time is important...it is what you do with that time that make all the difference in the world.

[Wildcars]

Totally agree!!

 

NO use in worrying about something that you have no control over.. Rebound or not..

 

This is time for ourselves (myself)..

[greengoblin]

Ok never done anything like this before but i just feel i would like some advice off someone that doesnt know me, i find it hard to tell people this story, which is my life at the moment!

So here goes, I was friends with a guy for a year he had a girlfriend and i was seeing somebody, we were purely friends and thats it. He moved back home which was close to where i live after he had split from his g/f, i was also single at this time, he confessed his feelings for me, which i had no idea about and we started seeing each other, he was madly in love with me and i was quite aloof and cold as i was still getting over my past relationship. The relationship got very intense, i would regularly hurt him emotionally with my aloofness and he would be quite demanding wanting time purely with me which pushed me away. Anyway in the end i pushed him away so much that he found someone else, i realised quite quickly that i had taken him for granted, i actually loved him and i had made the biggest mistake of my life! So i had to tell him, i poured my heart out emptied my soul and he said he was confussed. this went on for a few weeks/ months and he decided to come and see me to see how he felt, we ended up sleeping together and he said he was going to come back to me only he had to have time to sort things out with this other girl ( who had moved miles to be with him) anyway a week passed and i hadnt heard anything, so i text him and he said he was sorry but couldnt do it, the girl he was seeing had done nothing wrong and he couldnt come back to me because of how i had hurt him so much but he still loved me and couldnt switch me off like a light. I was heartbroken, thus ensued the worst few months of my life, he got engaged at xmas, after knowing her 3/4 months. Id like to know what from an outsiders point of view is going on with this guy? can his new relationship last with him knowing he has cheated on her already? did he put the ring on her finger out of guilt? id love to know. We are still friends (dont know how, guess id rather that than nothing). ive finally accepted hes gone, but i know we still love each other, i have decided to close the door and continue with my life, since he found out im seeing someone else he has been in more contact with me, making excuses to text etc, i still love him and would love for him to suddenly realise he has made a mistake and needs me, but like i say ive already accepted i need to get on with my life. Any advice or insight into whats going on here would be greatly appreciated, Thankyou.

[Tateziwin]

Hi, I am new here (unfortunately ) and would like advice.

 

I was with my partner for 19 years. He is nearly 60 and i am 42. We met when i was 23 and he 40. We have had a long and bumpy ride but i believed that we were secure and lont term....eg, til death us do part.

I work away 4 weeks at a time and have only 1 week home. This is because he doesn't work and so i am the bread winner.

He has been friends with a couple for over 30 years and their relationship broke up about 8 weeks ago. Initially i encouraged him to ring his female friend and make sure she was ok. About 5 weeks ago he told me out of the blue that he is moving out and to go see the bank manager immediately to pay him out for his share of the house.

Well, he gave me no reason why and i was so shocked. Obviously i have put 2&2 together and now confronted him. I found text messages on his phone from her saying "you are my love, my life", " my darling handsome man, i love you so much" etc etc. They have only been together such a short time and they are planning an overseas holiday and buying a car together (with my payout money mind you!).

 

I really believe this is a real rebound relation ship due to the intensity of their "love" and the speed it happened. Am i correct?

 

I have been very friendly and supportive the whole time and not said one bad word, I have only said that i am very sad that he was unhappy in our relationship and i wished him the best.

I want to do the NC thing now. ( thank god i found this forum as i was doing the 'best buddy' thing hoping that would work)

Problem is that he is still living in my house until he can move in with the woman. Her husband doesn't know that his mate is sleeping with his wife as he moved out already but still has a lot of his stuff there.

We also share 2 dogs which means i will need to speak/see him occasionally to pick them up from him.

 

Will this relationship of his fail. She is closer to his age but he has even said she is an " old me".

I am happy to undertake counselling as i know it is part my fault this has happened.

 

Any advice would be so much appreciated.

 

Thankyou.

[TheJerseyKid]

I would advise both of you to start your own thread and not post these stories in an old thread as they will just get buried and not read.

[greengoblin]

I would advise both of you to start your own thread and not post these stories in an old thread as they will just get buried and not read.

 

Thanks for the advice, when i work out how to do that i will also nice to know im not alone in going through this dilema!

[Jondwnr]

Hi this is my first time on this forum, but ive been on a few since my break so I'd like some imput please... Also I've been reading since the first page and I'm on 25 so far yikes... I hope the people with great advice still check this

 

"The story of me and Lyndi"

 

So we were dating 11 months, she broke up with me feb 10 2011. * I cheated on her in December and we got past that that night. Then a week before the superbowl she found her friend who was borderline gay and she knew for 4 years, she told me she never liked him and who was out of her life since the summer. She was spending days with him and she claims he is her bestfriend now and one night she stayed at his house and didn't let neither her parents or me know she stayed. The next day her mom texts me and asked if I know where she is at? I say no, then that morning she finally texts me saying sorry and I called her and she was crying up a storm and I was just shrugging off her tears cause I was mad. So later that day I forgive her and I call her up like I usually do at night and she says she is with "him" again and that she coincidentally saw him at the library. So I get mad again, but I don't make a big deal about it.

 

Now it's the Saturday before the superbowl and I'm hanging with my friend at the mall and she texts me and I get annoyed with her cause I'm trying to spend time with my friend and eventually we argue and I say I'm going to get girls numbers and I don't talk to her until that Monday. So she told me beforehand she was going to his house to watch the superbowl and she wanted me to go but I said I'd rather watch the superbowl with my friends. And I don't think about talking to her cause I was watching the game and drinking all day.

So it's the Thursday after the superbowl feb 10. I finally change my relationship status to "in a relationship" and she texts me and asks y I did that. I said I know u wanted me to before and I didnt want people to know my business but I don't care now I love u. And then she says I have doubts about us, and I am supposed to miss u? Cause I haven't this week. She also says she is dealing with a lot with her mom nagging her and her grandfather dying in her house and she has bills she can't pay cause they have been giving her 1 day a week. So I get all emotional and crazy for 3 weeks. During the craziness, I cried on the phone to her and begged and pleaded saying I would change. I told her all the plans I had for us and she said she needed time to think and during that time she was would hangout with that guy and eventually she said she was done with me and I found out she is going out with him. i was talking to her mom about everything and her mom reported back to her cause her mom wants me back in her life, and then she would get pissed at me. I was told her boyfriend was a bad guy and does drugs and sells them so i got him to sell me drugs but she said i don't care he said he is gonna stop smoking for me and he doesn't deal. And he doesn't do drugs and hates them herself. And cause of the tension in her house she moves to his house for a week or so. Then she says she doesnt want to lose me and wants to he friends so I give her an ultimatum saying either marry me or I'm gone from ur life and she has until Sunday to give me an answer. And during this period she moves out of his house and back into her moms house.

 

* We meet up at the mall to hangout first like old times but, she felt distant and not interested so after we hung-out I decided I didn't want her answer so I gave her a kiss on her head said "see you around" and walked away from her car. After about 2 minutes of walking I look back and she is walking towards me all sad. So I walk back to her car and talk things over and she wouldn't give me an answer about marriage but we ended up making out, she said she was done with the other guy, because he proposed then left for over a week and still hasn't contacted her and he always randomly leaves. So we go back in the mall and have a good time shopping. We go back to her house which is an hour away from mine and I stay there for 4 days. She felt distant again so I had a talk with her and then after that she was happy and fun-loving like usual. Then she went back to being distant after a day and I talk with her again and she says she doesn't love me and she doesn't know y she brought me to her house. So the next day I'm all Mopey at her house and eventually started crying in a separate room and she says I broke her heart and she needs to fix it and she doesn't know if we will get together, she doesn't know the future. So she drops me off home and I whisper in her ear "remember me" and gave her the ticket stub of our first date Which was remember me. The next day I apologize for crying and starting things with her mother, cause her mom was pissed for what she did to me again. So 5 days go by and I don't really have contact with her and I see on the Internet that she and that guy are saying "I love u forever" and things like that. So I call up her mom once again and explain what happened and then my ex texts me and says y did u start things again? I say I'm sorry and I wanna be there for her I won't intrude in her life again. So then the other guys mother comments and says leave my Daughter in law alone. So I realize they are engaged.

 

* I thought she loved me and wanted to marry me. Makes no sense to me, I'm so confused. I hangout with her cousin and her cousins boyfriend cause they asked me to and I haven't had contact with her for 5 days and she texts me saying: y r u hanging with her and she's done with her cousin now. And I go to pick up my remaining things from her house and she had hatred in her eyes and basically pushed me out of her house. And I text her later to see y she was so mad and she says twice, "I don't have to explain anything to u" and eventually says she will stay out of my life forever. She was having a party in her house and made the whole house mad at her because of what she did, and she was sounding jealous. She had a fight with her mom because she pushed me out of her house and now she moved her things into his house. I texted the next day saying I know she wanted me in her life and she said she was a little to hard on me the other day. This situation is so confusing.

[Jondwnr]

Since the situation we have had LC and one of the days she texted me saying y are you talking to my mom again, so I ignore her for about an hour and she texts me 10 times also saying she won't be mad she just wants to know. So then I say I need space and she says what we have been doing is giving space. So that turns into a 8 hour text message day in which we talk about the things I did wrong and told her the reasons I did them and she was very interested in those. So the next day she is distant again so told her still has feelings for me and we need to meet up and sort this out and she says i dont know if I have feelings for you and i don't know if I wanna meet up with you but she will think about meeting up. So since then i asked her if she thought about it she said she hasn't. So now Im just keeping LC and let her rebound relationship take it's toll without my interference. I wish I could of taken things NC from the start

[Jondwnr]

Oh and also we were each others "first" as well as "first love"

[greengoblin]

Hello, im totally with you on this, if you read my previous comment we are kind of in the same boat, i wish i had been strong enough at the start to do the nc thing instead of pouring my heart out, stripping myself down to the soul and giving it all away for free. I was given some advice and it was that the guy seems very wishy washy (to be kind) and now hes wishy washy with someone else, which is very true. I think if its love it will always be and its just a waiting game, but thats the worst part isnt it, the waiting and resisting the temptation to get in contact! just know your not alone in this situation and stay strong! best of luck. maybe if she sees you getting on with your life she will realise what shes missing, instead of knowing she can have you back whenever. I also feel embarassed that everyone knows hes with this other girl, its an awful situation but hopefully we will both get what we are wishing for in the end, good luck with yours!

[Jondwnr]

Thank you I have heard the fast they get together and start saying "I love you forever" and the sooner they move in together and get engaged the sooner it will fall apart. I'm wondering if it's true in my situation? Cause they said I love you right off the bat and got engaged a week after my breakup and moved in about a week after the breakup as well (and shes not one to do that she always said i need time to think about things; and since we broke up she has not thought about any of her decisions).

 

after reading about how the NC if effecting the dumpers. I finally told her that I wanted all contact between us to be cut off. Cause the only times it seems like she wants to talk is either When she is alone without the rebound guy or when she wants to know if I had spoke to her mom about something she told me. And i told her I everytime she accuses or askes me if I said something to her mom I feel like I'm under a spotlight and that I'm being interrogated. So I said to her last night that until she her life is solid I'm staying out of it.

[Abra]

Hello everyone

First of all i am curious, if in my case we can talk about rebound relationship. My exwife had start an affair with much younger coworker seven years into our well maintain relationship. We never had big fights or crisises before, but close to the end of 2009 it happened. Two months later she found a consolation. Four months later i confronted her with my knowledge of her affair and we broke up and decided to live separately. But we still were under the same roof for another 2 months. she decided to move in with him, he appearently wanted her really badly, they were saying that they love each other and all that... In the beginning i was clingy, needy and completely devastated, but before her departure i took control of myself and stopped talking to her. When she realised that she is losing me for good, she asked me to come back and I stupidly agreed. She broke up with him and didn't move in with him. It lasted not even a week and she left again saying, that she wants to be alone. Wasn't true, she's not that type to be alone. Two weeks later i found out, that she is with him. So i filed for divorce and before 2010 ended we got divorced. We didn't have to see each other in court, was nothing to fight for.

I applied LC, contact was very rare, one time a month and only on my part, like bday wishes, atempt to meet with her before divorce became final, she refused. After divorce she contacted me once to send me old mail, later i sent her her photos and a mail saying that i hope breakup was a good idea for both of us and i wished her happiness for the first time. We havn't seen together for 8months already. I still miss her and thinking of reconciliation, but she is still with that boy in his early twenties, while she is 10 years older. I think they live together. I don't know how is she doing, cause we don't have mutual friends.

 

It looks like all is over for us, or there is still a chance, that her relationship is a rebound? Guy likes different things then me, but looks similiar.

Should i still wait for her move or what?

I thought that i can move on but after eight months i realised that i really love her and i can't let go.

 

Please give me some advice.

[Abra]

Hello everyone

First of all i am curious, if in my case we can talk about rebound relationship. My exwife had start an affair with much younger coworker seven years into our well maintain relationship. We never had big fights or crisises before, but close to the end of 2009 it happened. Two months later she found a consolation. Four months later i confronted her with my knowledge of her affair and we broke up and decided to live separately. But we still were under the same roof for another 2 months. she decided to move in with him, he appearently wanted her really badly, they were saying that they love each other and all that... In the beginning i was cling, needy and completely devastated, but before her departure i took control of myself and stopped talking to her. When she realised that she is losing me for good, she asked me to come back and I stupidly agreed. She broke up with him and didn't move in with him. It lasted not even a week and she left again saying, that she wants to be alone. Wasn't true, she's not that type to be alone. Two weeks later i found out, that she is with him. So i filed for divorce and before 2010 ended we got divorced. We didn't have to see each other in court, was nothing to fight for.

I applied LC, contact was very rare, one time a month and only on my part, like bday wishes, atempt to meet with her before divorce became final, she refused. After divorce she contacted me once to send me old mail, later i sent her her photos and a mail saying that i hope breakup was a good idea for both of us and i wished her happiness for the first time. We havn't seen together for 8months already. I still miss her and thinking of reconciliation, but she is still with that boy in his early twenties, while she is 10 years older. I think they live together. I don't know how is she doing, cause we don't have mutual friends.

 

It looks like all is over for us, or there is still a chance, that her relationship is a rebound? Guy likes different things then me, but looks similiar.

Should i still wait for her move or what?

I thought that i can move on but after eight months i realised that i really love her and i can't let go.

 

Please give me some advice.

[TigerCourage]

Hi guys! I'm new here and I have been reading the entire thread in the past days.

 

Here's my story (short version):

 

I've been with this girl for 8 months. It's been great and everything went kinda fast... yes, I actually loved her (I'm 20 and she's 17) because we had a great time together (a lot of sex and everything a relationship needs). She dumped me before we could make 5 months because I got jealous of her "friend" which was obsessed with her and took her home a couple of times and tried to kiss her. I went nuts about that and told her not to meet him anymore (which she got mad because who am I to tell her what to do)... After that, I tried to beg and all that crap which obviously didn't work. So I finally decided to move on and see some old friends. This made her freaking jealous and came back to me crying to forgive her to tell me she made a big mistake etc... I forgived her and three months passed and we had a lot of fun together again (she deleted that "friend" from her life for me). We were together for Christmas and new year so we had a lot of fun. After that, she made me a birthday surprise party which costed a lot and we had a lot of fun. In February 11 or something like that, she met a dude at this pub when she went at a friend's party. She made some friendly photos with him and she uploaded them on Facebook. I started asking about who he was couse I got a bit jealous. She got mad at me for being jealous but we made up and nothing happened. After a couple of days she got obsessed with that kid (he's 20 too) and started saying that he's so mature, he's adorable, he likes poetry just like she likes it etc... I got mad at her and told her not to see that dude again which * * * * ed it up. She sed she woudn't see him but after a while I changed my mind and sed ok you can see him no problem but please... "I don't want it to happen like the last time".

She dumped me again (20th February but first she asked me for time and I complained) saying that she loves me and crap but doesn't want to be with me couse she wants to be alone and doesn't like to be controlled and things like that... After that, the "let's be friends" stuff came along which I couldn't support. Five days later she KISSED the dude IN FRONT of me at a disco. Then they started hanging out and now they're in a relationship (that's what she told me). She was telling me all the time how great that boy is (probably to make me jealous). So now I'm on NC for about 8 days. I feel ok and I'm trying to move on but a lot has happened in those 8 months (we had sex four days after I asked her out).

The interesting thing here is that the kid got DUMPED by his girlfriend two days before my ex dumped me!

 

Questions are:

 

1. Double rebound?

2. Will this last?

3. For how long?

4. Will she get back to me if I do NC? I still love her (she's just childish by doing all this) and she's everything I was searching in a girl (same music type, active, hard working, clean, great person and also beautiful etc...)

 

 

PS:

 

She was always getting reasons to contact me for favors and stuff and I decided to BLOCK her so she can't contact me through MSN, Facebook etc.. So it's been 8 days since I blocked her. I sed to her that I'm not gonna be her friend and IF I see her on the street I'll say "Hello" but nothing more.

On their Facebook walls and photos (they don't have any kissing) they don't share "I love you's" but she seems very happy by his side... Yesterday she wrote on his wall: "My happyness has a name: Samuel (his name)".

 

So I don't know what to believe...

[Wildcars]

Guys,

 

Remember, the more you do now the more you will push them into the rebounds arm..

 

They made their choice, don't hang around like a irritating fly! Disappear from her life, let her/him live without you..

 

If you are always in contact, they will complain to you, and heal, while the other guy/girl gets all the good part of the relationship..

 

Go NC, wait out the "honey moon phase".. This could take up between 3 months to almost a year..

 

but during NC, work on yourself, better yourself, mentally and physically.. You will be in a better place to make the right decision..

 

PS: Create your own thread, you'll get better responses..

[HISsuperEXgirl]

Hi guys, i wrote about me and my bf getting back together again early last year after about a year of NC. Unfortunately, we broke up again. And this time it looks like it's for good. When we got back together last year I was very happy and thought that everything's now perfect. As the months went, I realized that he had not changed at all. During the time that we were apart, I made an effort to change for the better, as I described in my previous posts. It's just that I noticed that he hadn't made an effort to change at all. I "grew up" during our time apart but he remained his same self-centered self. I realize that I can no longer be in this journey with him. I'm tired of his attitude and I realized that I just don't love him anymore.

 

I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone of you know about my story. This is how real life is. Unlike in fairy tales, real life relationships don't always have a happy ending. Don't get me wrong, reverse psychology coupled with NC does work, but now I've proven that it looses its novelty when used over and over (and over) again. If you're going to do this, don't do this for fun (player) or just because you enjoy being chased or to get back at an ex. Because if you keep doing this to your boyfriend/girlfriend, there might come a time when he/she might feel desensitized by your "game" and stop caring anymore.

 

I don't care if my ex doesn't call me anymore. I have no plans of greeting him on his birthday or any occasion either - not because I'm mad at him but because I just don't care anymore...besides I might forget about the occasion. We broke up in good terms, no fighting or anything.

[Jondwnr]

Sorry it didn't work out hun. I'm glad you noticed that you changed and didnt love him as well as him not changing.

 

Good luck in the future

[Jondwnr]

I have been no contact from my ex for 7 days now, the longest we have gone without talking. Our 2 month breakup is on the 10th of this month. And her birthday is on the April 18th. I've decided I won't give her a gift or card or anything, which I might change my mind on later on i don't know yet.

 

Anyway, today is the first real argument/fight she has had with her rebound, and apparently it's because he don't know how much she loves him and he is taking it for granted or something like that and i guess she was crying over this as well. So I don't know what's up with the situation, but she hasn't contacted me since I asked her to stop contacting me and she is stubborn. Hopefully they do breakup, but I don't want her hurt. I hope this is good news for me. What do guys think?

[TigerCourage]

I'd say that you should stop "investigating" her life even though it's difficult. Just try to move along as you get more hurt if you look or get to know what she's doing. Like in my situation when I watch her tuenti profile and I feel hurt because her rebound doesn't give a crap about her and she's nuts about him...

Do this for you and not for her. If they get back good and if they don't then good again.

Here are some interesting questions:

 

1. If she gets dumped by her rebound, would you take her back?

2. If yes, after how much time would you get her back?

3. If you get back, how would you feel when you go on the street and she says "Hello" and gives kisses on the cheek to the ex-rebound (knowing he kissed her or more than that...)?