completely conflicted about a job choice-could really use some advice

[Daligal83]

I posted previously about the possibility of getting laid off at my current job that I've only been at for a little over 4 months. Because of that, I've been doing some job searching. I sent my cover letter and resume to an agency an hour away in the city where I grew up. I had an interview last week and just got called for a second interview. I'm having mixed feelings and I have no clue what to do right now. Plus, I guess my boss has now said that we're OK and don't need to do lay offs. In fact, if someone were to quit, she'd have to hire someone.

 

I'm feeling conflicted for a few reasons. One huge one is that I don't want to leave my boyfriend. We were long distance until I moved here in May and even though we'd only be an hour apart...the idea of leaving him makes me really sad. He'll support me in whatever I decide, and he even has a clinical back home for two months...but it's just not the same. The other reason is that I feel bad leaving my job after only 4 months. If I was going to be laid off (which is why I originally was applying for other jobs), it's different. But now that it's not a risk (which I just found out yesterday), I feel bad because my supervisor has put a lot of time into training me. Plus, I work with children and I hate to just be another adult in and out of their lives.

 

On the other side, this job would be a great opportunity. I'm not happy with the job I have now. I'm just not cut out for it. It doesn't make me happy and I don't think I'm even all that good at it. This job I have an interview for sounds like I'd like it better and I'd have some great opportunities. Then again...I was set on the job I have now for years and now that I have it, I don't like it. So who knows if I'll actually like this other job.

 

I'm just so confused and could really use some advice.

[Idocsteve]

On the other side, this job would be a great opportunity. I'm not happy with the job I have now. I'm just not cut out for it. It doesn't make me happy and I don't think I'm even all that good at it. This job I have an interview for sounds like I'd like it better and I'd have some great opportunities.

 

Consider telling all of this to the supervisor at your present job. Maybe they can give you different job responsibilities, or at least address some of your issues. If not, at least you can say that you gave them an opportunity to make it right, and you didn't just leave for no good reason.

 

It also makes you appear more valuable to your present employers because they will realize that you are desirable to another company. That can only help your leverage, either now, or later on.

 

The risk in this is that they will now be aware that you have one foot out the door and this could affect job security at your present position. You need to weigh the options.

[Daligal83]

Well the thing is there are no other job responsibilities for me to have. I'm a foster care caseworker. Unfortunately, social work doesn't work like the corporate world. There's limited funding, so there's no bargaining for salaries or anything. If I told them I'm unhappy, they'd probably just tell me to leave.

[Daligal83]

Does anyone else have any advice? I really need some insight.

[Idocsteve]

Sounds like you are in a dead end job. If you stay, a few years from now you will be in no better shape then you are now. If the other job has good possibilites for advancement, you can add this to your list for reasons to switch jobs.

[terk2021]

I think it really comes down to priorities in your life right now. What's more important, your career, or your boyfriend. I am going to guess that your answer is both. If that's the case, would he consider moving? Who has the better career path right now??? If he loves you, he would move.

 

Do you see yourself heading towards marriage? You are 24, and have a long life to live. It's a tough choice, but talk it out with your boyfriend. Maybe he loves you enough to make the move with you, and you can have the best of both worlds.

 

I had to make that decision twice in my 20s. My career won both times. Part of me regrets it, but we have to make critical calls in life. The best is when you can have both.

 

I wish you luck.

 

Terk

[Batya33]

I would take the job and here is why, as far as your relationship. Having worked in very stressful environments which I ended up taking home with me after awhile there was a real strain on the relationship. So, given that it's only one hour away, and if (?) the hours are reasonable, you can spend every weekend together and perhaps on certain days during the week you can see him during the week, driving back early the next morning.

 

I do not think he should move for you - his career is in its early stages too, you are not yet married or engaged and since you are very close and get along so well you'll handle this sort of distance. I would feel differently if it was two-three hours away - we all draw lines!

 

As far as taking the job in light of your career, I would make the move because it's better to leave early than stay a long time and perhaps be more labeled/pigeonholed by future employers.

 

 

All the best to you.

[Daligal83]

Fortunately, I don't have the make the choice between my job and my boyfriend. He just wants me to be happy. It's just a personal thing that makes me really sad to think of leaving him. I'm just getting to the point where I'm realizing that I want to live with him. I miss him during the week so much. We both have really busy schedules and mostly see each other on the weekends and once during the week. So it wouldn't be that different...just more of a hassle.

 

I do see myself marrying him though...this would only be a bump in the road really. He can't move with me because he's in school and still has two years left. After he finishes he would though.

 

I think I'm just going to go on the interview tomorrow, see what the job is about (I wasn't allowed to ask questions about the job at the last one), see how much it pays and what the benefits are. Then if I get the job, I'll make a decision. I keep telling myself that just because I get it doesn't mean I have to take it.

 

Thanks guys

[sao2]

If you got the job(which is still an if). Why would you have to go back to long distance? An hour commute is common for alot of people. Also perhaps you two could talk about moving somewhere between the 2 cities. Both of you doing a 30 minute commute is perfectly reasonable. Maybe it is just me but I just don't see this as a problem.

 

I lived an hour or so away from a girlfriend and I would hardly call that a long distance relationship. Yeah an hour drive sucks late at night but it is doable.

[Daligal83]

We were over 3 hours apart previously, so believe me, I understand that an hour is not much. But considering we live 2 blocks away right now and are talking about moving in together, I think I have every right to not like the idea of moving an hour away. I'm not saying it won't work, because we can work through anything, but I don't have to like it.

 

We live in an area where the weather gets really really bad during the winter, so having to do a daily commute that long is not really an option. Besides, he's in school and should not have to commute that far to go to classes and meet up with study groups.

[Batya33]

I agree that in some cases an hour can be long distance as far as not getting to see each other every day.

[sao2]

I agree that living right there is easier. I am not taking away your right to be conflicted either. At the same time though. For a good job and a good relationship an hour commute, either for work or to see your boyfriend may just be worth it(personally if it were me, I would do the commute to work, that way on snow days you could stay in bed with the boyfriend).

 

Is the weather so bad that they don't plow? I lived in Ohio and we would get snow but thanks to plowing it was rare that we couldn't actually go to work because of the snow.

 

BTW how was the interview?

[Daligal83]

Yea they plow..but sometimes it gets so bad that the plows can't keep up with the snow fall. I'm nervous about even driving around for my current job (I have to do home visits). Plus this new job says it's not only 9-5, but some evenings and weekends. These types of jobs are too unpredictable to live so far away.

 

The job interview went pretty well. I still didn't get to ask any questions though! Haha. I have no clue how much it pays. It seemed like an intense interview to me...but I think I handled it well and I'm not going to be disappointed if I don't get it because then I don't have to deal with making this decision I'll find out within two weeks if I got it or not. Thanks for asking

[Daligal83]

So...I got the job. I have no idea what to do. The salary is the same. I don't know...I really don't want to leave this city. I don't know for sure if I'll like this job...nothing is a given. Is it worth the risk to move myself away from where I am happy (aside from not liking my job)? I was really hoping I wouldn't get the job so I didn't have to make this decision

[sao2]

Congratulations, sort of . . . I always say live life without regrets. Don't make the safe choice if you think you'll regret. Good luck and I am confident you'll be satisfied whatever you choose.