IN WI Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 I am at a loss of where to go for advice so here I am. This week is our 10 yr anniversary, we have two great children and I thought a great marriage. Last week I discovered an email on my wifes computer while looking for cubscout information for our son. My wife is a stay at home mother, but does work one night a week about 1 hour from our home. She contacted her old high school boyfriend who is a stay at home dad, and lives in the town where my wife works this one night a week. They are planning on getting together and catching up, meeting for a drink after she is done working which is about 9:30-10pm. Seems a bit odd to me? Why not take all the kids to the park during the day??? I knew this guy growing up and have never got a good vibe from him, way back when 15 yrs ago he tried to tell her lies about me, and I think break us up. I dont think they have communicated much over the last 10 years but I could be wrong? I am thinking I have to talk to her about it before this meeting happens, which might be tomorrow night, the day of our anniversary. Any other advice? Thanks in advance
Hope75 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Hi There and Welcome to Enotalone. Has your wife mentioned getting back in touch with this man? I don't know that her meeting with him is an immediate cause for concern, but if she has not mentioned getting back in touch with him that is a bit odd. How has the marriage been otherwise? Any reason to doubt her fidelity before this?
IN WI Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 no she has not mentioned it at all. The marriage has been good, no major fights, a few disagreements, not enough sex... No major reason to doubt her fidelity. Should I mention that I know about the email?
Supa_gurl Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Yikes, I would approach the subject with her before she goes. Be gentle and do not jump to conclusions. Maybe it is just an old acquaintance type meeting and nothing to be concerned about. I do hope all works out. I too have been married for over 10 years now and wish you all the best.
Donnyboy Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Tell her you want to meet her after work for a meal as it's your anniversary, & you won't take no for an answer. that takes care of tomorrow night. then install a keylogger. That should take care of the future.
Loki71 Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 First she should not be making plans with anyone other than you on the night of your 10 yr anniversary. My wife also has reconnected with some old friends thanks to myspace. This can be very hard to deal with. If she is open about it then that can make it easier. If she is holding it from you then there might be more to it. This is a crucial point in a marriage. She could be bored and feeling like maybe she missed out on something. You need to talk without accusing her of anything and see where it goes from there. I wish you the best of luck as me and my wife are in the same spot and are working it out.
Orlander Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 Hi IN WI. Welcome to ENA! You can go one of two ways, as I see it. One way involves trusting your wife and the other way involves distrusting her. I would recommend against spying, lying, misleading or baiting her in any way. You have an issue with her meeting this guy and frankly, who wouldnt?! She might get mad you saw her email, but if you two really love each other then sit down with her and discuss this. Ask her why she wanted to meet him but honestly, this guy really isn't the issue. Take some time and take inventory of your relationship with your wife. List the strengths and weaknesses. When you have done this ask yourself is it truly and honest and open relationship? Are you happy? Do you think she is? Lastly, ask her if she is happy. Relationships require a lot of work and sometimes we get caught up in the comfort of a relationship. Just be honest and loving. Good luck. Orlander
wish4me Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 If her meeting is no big secret why hasn't she told you about him?
IN WI Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 If her meeting is no big secret why hasn't she told you about him? My thoughts exactly?
IN WI Posted October 3, 2007 Author Posted October 3, 2007 Olander, That is what I need to do. But the secrets are what concerns me. I am willing to put in the hard work, I just hope she is.
jimthzz Posted October 3, 2007 Posted October 3, 2007 It is not coincidental that she is meeting the guy in secret on your tenth anniversary. You need to address this. I do like the not take no for an answer meet her after work thing -- out at her work place. Get a sitter. Also, do not yet reveal you saw what you saw. You need to see if she communicates this wrinkle in their plans to this guy. How she phrases it. This was a secretive thing, she knows it violates marital trust. You need to get to working on protecting your marriage and then address what she is up to. But a preventive is needed right away!
Hope75 Posted October 4, 2007 Posted October 4, 2007 Let us know how it goes when you talk to her about it.
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