SecretFlame Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Okay, I admit I am not completely over anything. I still miss him like crazy, however I am not crying every 5 minutes like I did before. It doesn't help that we planned on getting married on Halloween..so every freaking Halloween decoration, pumpkin patch or costume sale I see basically makes me want to get into the fetal position and sob...however thanks to a good conversation with a friend over coffee at 2 a.m. I've been somewhat put back together... I spoke to my friend Brian and he had some words of encouragement that really started picking me up. I want to share them with everyone here because Lord knows this heartbreak * * * *ing hurts...and I don't mean hurts I mean puts a scapel to your chest, pulls out your beating heart and steps on it a bajillion times (not to be dramatic or anything its just really how it feels) Anyway he said "It doesn't matter anymore." I pleaded, begged, tried to reason with anything I could to tell him why my relationship could get put back together and actually work...he always responded with a "it doesn't matter anymore" He proceeded to tell me a few other things that I really am starting to ponder. Yes, I was sure this is the person I was going to marry. I had this can't eat cant sleep, shoot for the moon, everything was beautiful feeling when I was around him. Brian replied with "you really don't feel that way, its just that your future is now altered" he also added that in this situation we always look at the good becuase we want to hurt right now. We want to wear our sweats and eat ben and jerrys crying to anyone that will listen. Hes right... we don't see the ugly that they also had in them. They now stand on a pedestal with their saint like qualities. It is all too easy to forget their crappy qualities. Like the controlling I don't want you to go out with your friends, Im going to look through your cell phone, or the really * * * *ty things they are doing to you now (like not calling you, making you feel like less of a person) If this truly was love..how could they even think of doing this to you. He also said "I will not be broken" he explained this as...when you've really hit rock bottom and you feel like you cannot go another day tell yourself I cannot break. It really does give you a quick surge of power, I really dont know how or why but for a moment you feel asthough you can go on. Ive put these words everywhere on my refridgerator, a note kept in my purse I even went as far as changing his name in my phone to "will not break" I could go on and on because my head was spinning by the time I left at 6 a.m. and realize my buddy just spent 4 hours trying to do what people havent been able to do in the last month and a half it really helped. Always ask yourself Why you're feeling what you are feeling. Get to the point where you cannot ask why anymore. Feel the pain, they do miss you and they always will but you will be just fine without them. Hope this helps.
Honesty Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Will not break. I like that. Good for you..time really is the best healer and every day it gets better. No man is worth your tears, and the only one who is, won't make you cry! Stay happy
butterflyx0 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 You are so right. I find myself doing this all the time- I've put him up on this pedestal as if he is the most perfect man in the world. But then I try to think of all the really sh*tty things he did to me as well. Like call me names...tell me I was always wrong...tell me that no guy but him would ever TRULY love me...restrict me from going out with my friends...ditch me for his friends when I really needed him.... I could go on and on. Your friend is so right about everything. I'll have to keep coming back to this post and reading it over and over to make it stick. Thanks for sharing that!
Clabs Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Hey SecretFlame Great post honey - I like that Will Not Break phrase. You and butterfly both mentions pedstals but think about this - the higher the monkey climbs, the more you can see of his @ss! Be strong girls. Mark
SecretFlame Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 You are so right. I find myself doing this all the time- I've put him up on this pedestal as if he is the most perfect man in the world. But then I try to think of all the really sh*tty things he did to me as well. Like call me names...tell me I was always wrong...tell me that no guy but him would ever TRULY love me...restrict me from going out with my friends...ditch me for his friends when I really needed him.... I could go on and on. No problem! It's so hard especially when friends around you just tell you what you wanted to hear. I always got the "oh he will call, he still loves you." That just continued the wallowing, I need a good verbal * * * * * smack and thats what I got. I'm so glad it helped you. Hell I'm even thinking about getting "I will not break" tattooed on me now! hahaha
SecretFlame Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 the higher the monkey climbs, the more you can see of his @ss! hahaha! That is pretty good.
nikkers04 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Okay, I admit I am not completely over anything. I still miss him like crazy It doesn't help that we planned on getting married I want to share them with everyone here because Lord knows this heartbreak * * * *ing hurts...and I don't mean hurts I mean puts a scapel to your chest, pulls out your beating heart and steps on it a bajillion times (not to be dramatic or anything its just really how it feels) Yes, I was sure this is the person I was going to marry. I had this can't eat cant sleep, shoot for the moon, everything was beautiful feeling when I was around him. We want to wear our sweats and eat ben and jerrys crying to anyone that will listen. Hes right... we don't see the ugly that they also had in them. They now stand on a pedestal with their saint like qualities. It is all too easy to forget their crappy qualities. Like the controlling I don't want you to go out with your friends, Im going to look through your cell phone, or the really * * * *ty things they are doing to you now (like not calling you, making you feel like less of a person) wow this sounds all too familiar. I'm curious what was his reasons for breaking up with you?
SecretFlame Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 wow this sounds all too familiar. I'm curious what was his reasons for breaking up with you? He didn't give me one, we had a great very intimate night and then the next morning I got a " * * * * * you * * * *ed up, you make me sick I cant look at another girl without remembering the heartbreak you caused me. i will call the cops if you try to call me again." I always got accused of cheating. I couldnt even be at work without him calling (no exaggeration) 30 times in a day. Hes very insecure, i mean very insecure and has terrible anxiety. so..to be quite honest i dont know the reason and may never will but hey...i wont break
nikkers04 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 wow...no closure that SUCKS! I'm glad your being so strong I'm not sure why you would want to be with someone like that...have you ever thought that maybe thats what he is doing...he is accusing you of something he did or was doing? I only think this now because my ex was constantly not wanting me to hang out with my friends going thru my phone to make sure I wasn't doing anything bad checking my myspace. CONSTANLY asking if i wanted to date him or if i wanted to see others only to find out that he was the one doing everything wrong he was the one in love and wanting to be with someone else.
astrobaby Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Everything your friend said is very true, and what i try to remind myself whenever im feeling really down and missing the ex. Which is often. By the way im right there with you on the halloween thing- it was our anniversary. Or rather we shared our first kiss the night before halloween, and properly 'consumated' on halloween. So yeah, all those annoying halloween reminders get me down to. Really not looking forward to it this year, i'll just be thinking back to how deliriously happy i was last year and how unhappy i am now.
dididi8318 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Wow, yeah, that is true. I noticed myself just thinking about all the good times and crying so much over how I missed it and had totally forgotten about the bad things he's done and why we broke up.. then after a while, I just kept thinking about the bad things, and after a while, I didn't even miss him anymore, cause I really realized how he isn't worth it.
butterflyx0 Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 Hell I'm even thinking about getting "I will not break" tattooed on me now! hahaha Haha that's such a good idea!! And I'm noticing a trend in all of our posts... how all of our ex's didn't trust us, constantly questioned us, made us feel like we were doing something wrong...and yet it was THEIR insecurities that brought about those feelings. I never, ever suspected my ex of cheating on me because I was confident in his love for me. But because HE was insecure, never thought he would find anyone else, complained about how girls weren't attracted to him...he tried to bring me down so he could control me. And I started believing everything he said. What's funny is, we were "meant to be together forever" until HE met someone new...now all of a sudden, he can sit there and tell me, "Oh, don't worry, you'll be fine, you'll find someone else, you have to one day." F*ckin a-hole. Haha I'm sorry I'm in an angry mood today over him. But good thing I get to see my therapist today so she can help me deal.
SecretFlame Posted October 2, 2007 Author Posted October 2, 2007 wow...no closure that SUCKS! I'm glad your being so strong I'm not sure why you would want to be with someone like that...have you ever thought that maybe thats what he is doing...he is accusing you of something he did or was doing? I only think this now because my ex was constantly not wanting me to hang out with my friends going thru my phone to make sure I wasn't doing anything bad checking my myspace. CONSTANLY asking if i wanted to date him or if i wanted to see others only to find out that he was the one doing everything wrong he was the one in love and wanting to be with someone else. yeah, no closure really does suck at the sad thing is i really do love him because even though he had his insecurities (just like your ex) I come with my own also. So I could really look past that and still care for him deeply but hey this is way past the point of something I can control.
brokedownpalace Posted October 2, 2007 Posted October 2, 2007 good for you ! you are definitely on the road to recovery! and now that you have taken these positive steps forward keep an eye out, because you find things at the most unexpected times.
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