A Different Kind of Relationship... If Even

[LonelyMoondancer]

Okay, so I had this teacher in high school that I thought was really special. I didn’t have a crush on him, but I really loved him like an uncle or something and I had great respect for him. He treated me really well. I wouldn’t say I was favoured, but we definitely had something. I’m not talking about a relationship that was romantic in any way. I like to think that he treated me the way one might treat a daughter, but it wasn’t quite that. He had a nickname for me which he used a lot, regardless of who heard. He always teased me and joked around, and sometimes he would ask things like “Do you have your bag?” or “Are you okay waiting alone?” like he really cared. He wasn’t a very touchy person, as teachers usually aren’t, but a couple times he’s touched me affectionately- leading me somewhere by the shoulders and taking hold of my wrist when I refused to go somewhere. I was VERY shy around him and just shy in general and I was suffering from depression for quite some time, and I’m pretty sure he noticed. I don’t know if he treated me the way he did because he felt sorry for me or because he just liked me as a student (I was always quite the teacher’s pet, hehe). My problem is I’ve graduated from high school now and that teacher has moved far away from my old school. It’s possible that I’ll never see him again. I’m really busy now but whenever I get the chance I remember and it hurts like crazy. I miss him so much, and it seems so unfair that he’s just out of my life. He might never know how much I cared about him and I may never know if he loved me or if he just plain felt bad for me and I imagined it. I need advice on how to figure that out, or how to forget the pain and move on. It drives me nuts every day, and I’m currently in the process of switching therapists, and this is one issue that I NEVER share with other people so I really feel the need to talk about it somehow. Please, any thoughts or advice would be very much appreciated.

[Taomagicdragon]

SOunds as though he was a positive person in your life when you need it. What you have to rmeember is that he;s never truly gone as logn as you know you're a worthwhile person deserving of being cared about.

[LonelyMoondancer]

Oh, I do keep telling myself that but the pain is still there. Plus all these questions left unanswered upset me to the point where I take awhile to fall asleep. Maybe these are questions that don't need to be answered, like was he being affectionate or just sympathetic and nice, or has he forgotten me. It hurts to think that I care so much about him and he probably forgot all about me at the end of each day.

[havefaith]

I definitely don't do think he forgot about you at the end of each day! It's clear he cared (I'm sure still cares) for you in a platonic, mentor kind of way. I've had special teachers like that in my life ... they just make you feel great about yourself. Especially with the male teachers, it's sort of like you want to be around them and it's not exactly that you have a crush, it's more like it makes you think of what kind of man you want to be with.

 

Is there any chance you could find where he moved to and write him a letter? How about e-mail? You should thank him for making you feel important in your time of need. It is possible to remain good friends with him for the rest of your life.

[LonelyMoondancer]

I could easily get his contact information and get hold of him. I'd be so chicken to do that though. I've often thought of it, as my last therapist suggested the same thing. But what we had was more of an unspoken thing. We would go days without exchanging words and sometimes we wouldn't look at each other when passing in the halls, but at times when he did talk to me it was wonderful. It's quite hard to explain, but we weren't close like a father and daughter would be, I just loved him like a dad anyway.