SweetLavender Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Well the thing is, I don't feel comfortable with the idea of having my boyfriend go to those kind of places... But the next ' car meet ' will be hosted there... So he and the other car owners will hang out at that coffee shop. Would other women / girls here be against it too or not? Just so you know, the girls wear clothings such as: - Low cut top with very very short skirt / tight shorts with half of their ass hanging out - Lingeries Etc...
jsx730 Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Do you trust your boyfriend? Because either you trust him to hang out with hot chicks and come back home to you, or you don't. And there will always be hot chicks in skimpy clothes out there, so if you don't trust him, why stay with him? Insecurity is a turn off.
Clementine orange Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 What kind of coffee shop is this??? (and !) Anyway, skimpy clad girls are everywhere, there's not much you can do about that. He didn't choose the place (I assume) and he would have a hard time persuading the other guys not to go there. Maybe before he goes to the car meet you could do some skimpy clad things on your own (with him). Or even better, give him a taste of what's waiting for him when he comes home from the car meet! I don't think you should try to "forbid" or discourage him from going - it's not like he's cheating on you or anything. Insecurity is not a turn on...
downward spiral Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Yeah, insecurity is a bummer and you cannot control people. All you can do is let him know that you would prefer he not go there and tell him why but in the end you have to let him go. Like the others said, if you dont rust him, why are you with him..
Miss Firecracker Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I've never even heard of a place like that, so I can't say. The girl who cuts my hair is young and flashes her boobs at me like crazy. I don't take offense. She's a young girl who is very pretty and knows how to use it to get big tips. People just dress like this more in general these days, so I guess you should get over it.
JadedStar Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 There are going to be beautiful women dressed this way EVERYWHERE. If you are not with someone you can trust you'll go crazy. Women like this are in bars, restaraunts, movies, supermarkets, department stores, billboards, EVERYWHERE> I think being upset over your guy going to a coffee shop to meet with his friends because of the waitresses is really a bit over the top jealous. I think you should loosen up because you will drive yourself crazy with unnecessary worry. What is the worst that might happen? He might see an attractive girl and his buddies say "wow look at her"? Is that really that terrible?
icarus27 Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Hmm, this one tends to become a can of worms. I disagree with several of you who're turning this into a trust issue, and upping the ante somewhat, saying if she doesn't trust, then she may as well not be with him. The OP's entitled to have a preference, and her preference is that her bf isn't in a place with lots of scantily dressed women. However, all the OP can do is express her preference to her bf honestly, without using a blaming tone. (It was his friends who chose the place, right?) If he's sensitive to her feelings, he would reassure her, but it doesn't mean he has to change what he's doing to please her.
JadedStar Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Hmm, this one tends to become a can of worms. I disagree with several of you who're turning this into a trust issue, and upping the ante somewhat, saying if she doesn't trust, then she may as well not be with him. The OP's entitled to have a preference, and her preference is that her bf isn't in a place with lots of scantily dressed women. However, all the OP can do is express her preference to her bf honestly, without using a blaming tone. (It was his friends who chose the place, right?) If he's sensitive to her feelings, he would reassure her, but it doesn't mean he has to change what he's doing to please her. Just becausae we said that this is a trust issue does not mean he can't be trusted. There is something inside of the OP, however, that feels she can't trust him because if she did this would not be an issue. I don't think anyone is saying leave him over this, because the issue might be hers alone and he is perfectly trustworthy> Probably something she needs to work out as in what scares her about this type of scene. And you are right, all she can do is express her feelings, not change him. But there is a very distinct possibility that he is going to feel or tell her that he feels a bit chained if he can't even do something this miniscule.
Dako Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 So how long can you control this guy before he resents the short leash? You clearly don't trust him around unfrocked women. Maybe he'll go berserk?
bulletproof Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I go to a lot of different places and events that involve scantily clad people and even nudity, partly because a lot of them involve art/music/alternative culture. I think of it more as sexually or mentally stimulating, which makes me want to go home and be with my boyfriend, not with the people that are providing the stimulation. I do think we should always be honest with our partners, but realize sometimes that feelings that we have are not always logical or fair to the other person. You just have to trust.
HappyAsALark Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 There is something inside of the OP, however, that feels she can't trust him because if she did this would not be an issue. I would have to disagree with this, just for the simple fact that she could trust her boyfriend 250%, but could have her own insecurity issues with him simply looking at other women and finding them pretty or attractive. Sounds like this is more of an inner battle, but like a few have said, just voice your opinion on how you feel. He may be very reassuring and he may even want you to go with him...hey why don't you go with him?
amtjrtcet Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Well the thing is, I don't feel comfortable with the idea of having my boyfriend go to those kind of places... But the next ' car meet ' will be hosted there... So he and the other car owners will hang out at that coffee shop. Would other women / girls here be against it too or not? Just so you know, the girls wear clothings such as: - Low cut top with very very short skirt / tight shorts with half of their ass hanging out - Lingeries Etc... You can't control him, and you shouldn't try. If you can't trust him to keep it in his pants at a coffee shop with girls in skimpy clothing, then you shouldn't be with him.
JadedStar Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I would have to disagree with this, just for the simple fact that she could trust her boyfriend 250%, but could have her own insecurity issues with him simply looking at other women and finding them pretty or attractive. Sounds like this is more of an inner battle, but like a few have said, just voice your opinion on how you feel. He may be very reassuring and he may even want you to go with him...hey why don't you go with him? Then if she has insecurity issues with him looking at other women, then she has trust issues with him. Trust issues do not necessarily mean she thinks he is going to sleep with any of these women. Many women have trust issues with their guy and it is all about past issues and nothing to do with him in reality. It still is a trust issue, however, whether warranted by the guy or driven by the past. And I also said it sounded like more of an inner battle for her as well. Maybe you missed my other comments.
HappyAsALark Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Then if she has insecurity issues with him looking at other women, then she has trust issues with him. Trust issues do not necessarily mean she thinks he is going to sleep with any of these women. Many women have trust issues with their guy and it is all about past issues. It still is a trust issue, however, whether warranted by the guy or driven by the past. And I also said it sounded like more of an inner battle for her as well. Maybe you missed my other comments. nope read them all but thanks
flower99 Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I may not like it but I wouldn't be against it. Skimpy dress women are everywhere, just trust that your bf is more aroused by you than than them. After all he didn't chose the place and he isn't there for the women, hes' there for the cars & the friends. why is it that you are bothered by these women being within eyes sight of your man for the evening? What is it that you are afraid of ???
JadedStar Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 nope read them all but thanks Then you missed this part: There is something inside of the OP, however, that feels she can't trust him because if she did this would not be an issue. What this means is even if he is trustworthy, something inside of her is causing her NOT to trust him. Even if it is her past or something within her it still means she has trust issues with him. If let's say a woman had an ex who caused her to mistrust men, then she dates a good guy and these past trust issues come up, even tho the current guy isn't the issue she still has trust issues with him because of her past.
JadedStar Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 You can't control him, and you shouldn't try. If you can't trust him to keep it in his pants at a coffee shop with girls in skimpy clothing, then you shouldn't be with him. Yep. Either that or work on these trust issues because if they are about the past this will come up no matter WHO she dates. These issues most frequently come up due to our own insecurities than anything else.
HappyAsALark Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Then you missed this part: There is something inside of the OP, however, that feels she can't trust him because if she did this would not be an issue. What this means is even if he is trustworthy, something inside of her is causing her NOT to trust him. Even if it is her past or something within her it still means she has trust issues with him. If let's say a woman had an ex who caused her to mistrust men, then she dates a good guy and these past trust issues come up, even tho the current guy isn't the issue she still has trust issues with him because of her past. But she could have never had an ex that ever did anything wrong to her, but just still be insecure with herself. There are plenty of girls out there like this. They have body issues or self esteem issues and that can be brought into their relationship. But it is just my opinion that she can still trust her boyfriend and not have an issue with the trust what so ever and it could just be an issue within herself of her not feeling adequate. AGAIN, just my opinion, and we really don't know anything until the OP says what is going on to make her feel this way... But anyhoo.. To the OP, again, why don't you just go with him??
Miss Firecracker Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I think you should push yourself past your comfort zone. Take a leap of faith in him. My husband is gone a lot of the time for days on end, even weeks sometime. And it could come to the point that you too, someday, have to face up to a situation like this. Just decide to trust now, and you'll make things much easier on yourself.
RayKay Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I trust my partner to respect me, and our relationship enough that no, I don't worry about him going to places like this. I know that even if a woman in one of these places hit on him, he would not go there. If I doubted that, or I was with someone whom did that, I also respect myself that I would just not be with them. I think this is reciprocal in that he trusts me when I am out on my own around other attractive men too. We don't have coffee shops like this, but there are certain restaurants for example where women dress like this, that he & I both go to with friends, either together or separately. There are many times we are apart for work reasons (he is away this week as a matter of fact) as well, and we need to have that trust in one another's commitment to each other and the relationship. Now, maybe it is because you are insecure, but that in itself is a "trust issue" because it is directly related to how you feel about him in these sorts of venues. Whether it is due to insecurity, or trust issues from his own actions in past or present - they are telling you this is something you need to work on and look at whether your relationship, and you, are in a healthy place or not....
JadedStar Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 Now, maybe it is because you are insecure, but that in itself is a "trust issue" because it is directly related to how you feel about him in these sorts of venues. Whether it is due to insecurity, or trust issues from his own actions in past or present - they are telling you this is something you need to work on and look at whether your relationship, and you, are in a healthy place or not.... Exactly rayKay. And what i was trying to convey. whether this is past or present trust issues or insecurity, it is definitely a signal that something needs to be worked out.
JadedStar Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 I think you should push yourself past your comfort zone. Take a leap of faith in him. My husband is gone a lot of the time for days on end, even weeks sometime. And it could come to the point that you too, someday, have to face up to a situation like this. Just decide to trust now, and you'll make things much easier on yourself. What a great way to put it. Yes, we have to push ourselves outside of our comfort zone at times, especially in relationships, and I think most of us can attest to the fact that this can be very difficult but in the end can have a lot of positive reward.
Miss Firecracker Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 It's harder to do this when you get older too. It really is true that it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. The sooner you find out you can't trust a man, the better.
JadedStar Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 It's harder to do this when you get older too. It really is true that it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. The sooner you find out you can't trust a man, the better. Well, i think this would only be true if you waited until later to give it a try. And quite honestly i think most of us do wait! For some reason i find myself able to try new things and be more flexible now then when in my 20s. I was far more rigid then with new things. I attribute it to being more confdient now, dunno really why its like that for me. But then again this is something i really forced myself to work on in my 30s because i hated being that way when i was younger....i think i missed out on a lot in life by being too inflexible when young.
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