Gay friend?

[mee]

Ive been best friend with him for 2 years now but ive known him for longer he's always had the reputation of being gay at school because of the people he used to hang around with and some of the things he says and does. But then when i got to kno him i thought he wasnt he used to hang around with me and some other girls - so that didnt do much for his "gay" reputation but we all thought that he was just a bit more in touch with his feminine side than other guys, we liked it. it was like he was one of the girls! We're all 18 and have just recently all gone to uni and i am still really close with him a couple of days ago i was alone in his room- i know i shouldnt have done it but i checked his emails and found some from an older guy wanting to meet up with him, he's signed up with UGAS. i didnt know what UGAS was at first but now ive found out they are a Gay site that u have to pay to be part off. at first i thought he may just be curious but now im thinkin that he must be gay if he paid to join the site!?!!? i was so in shock that i dodnt read much but i got the general jist of things so i dotn kno how involved he is with this man.

 

i dont know what i should do, im worried about him meeting up with anybody over the net. i'm kind of hurt that he couldnt talk to me about it because we are really close, so much that loads of people think that we're a couple and he does kinda flirt with us all at times maybe he's Bi? I dont know what to do i want to let him know that i'd love him even if he is gay but i know he'll be really hurt when he finds out i read his emails! what should i do? should i maybe just carry on as normal and pretend as if i dont know anything and wait for him to tell me? i really dont know what to do about it i dont want to lose him as a friend!

[Anamarie89]

You are right, you shouldn't have looked at his emails. So, pretend you didn't. Then confront him about his sexuality one on one. Preface/disguise the question by saying that you love him and couldn't imagine life without him as a friend, but you are afraid he is keeping things from you, and then ask.

[Mar]

Quite honestly, his sexual preferences are his business, and no one else's, besides whoever he gets involved with. I'm sure he has a multitude of reasons for keeping his sexuality a secret, the biggest one being that he may still not be SURE which way he wants to go.

 

I've had several gay friends, and, although I knew they were gay, NEVER asked them about it. That just crosses that barrier between "personal business of the ultimate kind" and "friendship." You certainly can't get mad at him for not telling you, this much I can tell you!

 

A friend is there to support, to listen, to be silent when needed, to offer a shoulder to cry on, to laugh, to hug, to go on walks with, all the things that bring two people closer together. It does NOT mean prying into someone's ultimate secrets and private thoughts and expecting that this is your due.

 

Leave your friend alone, as far as his sexual preference goes. If he was comfortable talking about it, he'd have told you, if you're as close as you say. Being a friend is also just trusting the other person and not pressuring them and making them feel obligated to tell you things they may not be comfortable with! Relax-he'll get around to it once he's fully accepted it and, more importantly, proud of it! Homosexuality still has a stigma attached to it...why do you think so many gay people struggle so hard to supress their feelings?

 

Mar