Losing it at 23

[markofjudas]

I've never posted anything like this before on any website, but I feel like I need help.

 

I am 23 years old, been married for 3 years with a 2 year old son. I love my family an incalculable amount, but the stress I am feeling right now is wearing me down. To put it bluntly, I feel no attraction whatsoever towards my wife. I love her, that is not an issue, but for some reason I feel nothing towards her. I would rather masturbate in the shower then have sex with her. Maybe because I like sex in the morning and she hates it, and at night I am ready to sleep because I am so tired from the day. That has something to do with it I'm sure, but what should be done?

 

Let me just give a little bit of background. We got married and on our wedding night she got pregnant. The reason for that is because I was catholic and didn't believe in birth control at the time (that has now changed). I feel like I was robbed of my marriage. I do not blame my son, by the way. I love him and wouldn't take him back, but ....ya know.

 

There is a lot more to tell concerning our marriage but I doubt anyone wants to hear every detail. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just started a new job and gave up on my dream of playing music because I want to support my family. I believe in reaping what you sow, and taking care of my son and giving him what he needs is the most important thing I can do.

 

I think about leaving all the time, but my son deserves better. What should I do? Anyone?

[fivespot]

Well, first of all I'm sorry to hear about all your troubles.

 

I'm glad that you put your child first and you are responsible enough to put the family's needs before your own (as you said you took a decent job, but by doing that you threw away your dream at music) and for that you should be proud.

 

But I do know what you are saying. Though I can't relate to being married, I know what it's like to be with someone when the spark doesn't seem to be there anymore.

 

Take my advice with a grain of salt, because like I said, I have no experience with marriage. But I guess I could at least tell you some things you probably already know.

 

The stress with taking care of financial obligations is hard on anyone. Even if you were single, making ends meet can be a struggle. It's all well and wonderful to be out on your own, you know--moved out of your parents' house, but the rent is due every month, and so is the car payments or insurance, and all the other bills like the tv, internet, groceries, cell phone, whatever.

 

And speaking of rent, look at all that money that's going to waste! For all the money you're giving someone else, you could be putting that towards your OWN equity, eg. you'll own your house someday.

 

But with that comes twice the responsibilities: water, sewer, heat, electricity...plus on top of all that, add taxes and repair everything else. It isn't easy!

 

Where am I going with this? Well, the point is it isn't easy...you could be single, you could be married. Regardless, if you are on your own, even if you've got a really well-paying job, it still ISN'T easy!

 

Now, onto your wife. I know only too well what it's like having trouble staying interested...or, on the other hand, keeping my SO interested. I was interested in sex a lot. But with my gf, she wasn't. And as time went on, she was interested less and less. As a result, I started having a better "time" on my own and became even less interested in sex with her than she with me!

 

I had a few ideas about how to spice things up, but she broke things off with me before I had a chance. But, if you really do love your wife, and she really loves you, then there's nothing you two can't do. And there's nothing that you can't fix!

 

Part of my problem was that my partner wasn't interested in trying to work anything out. She was more interested in bailing. By looking at it now, I see that she really didn't love me. If she at least tried, well then i could say things couldn't work out but at least we tried. But she didn't care about fixing anything. She needed to move on to bigger and better things.

 

My advice: try to work things out. Go a few days without sex, then try something different...something she isn't expecting (but nothing TOO crazy!) Try your best to fix things. And see if she's willing to work with you.

 

I can't tell you how things are going to be. But at least if you know you tried and she tried and they still can't work, you both can say at least you both tried.

 

Good luck!

[jevonj77]

You need a break. But the question is how do you do this. The kid needs to become friends with a nice new babysitter for a while and then the two of you can get away for a bit. Are your grandparents anywhere nearby? If so they can take the kid for a while too. The other thing is that your wife won't always be in this situation...that is unless you don't have another child too soon.

 

Plus you're very young so these problems seem insurmountable right now. I'm pretty sure that is not really the case...for these problems don't last forever.

 

So you should be working towards your vacation plans...or just your two day get away with your wife. You'll have to make this a regular thing though for a while if it's only during the weekend.

 

Also speak to your wife about changing certain things in life...of how deeply depressed you are about this situation.If she loves you, she'll try to change.

[markofjudas]

It's been about a month without sex, which in reading other posts on this site isn't that long but the tension is there.

Getting away won't happen for a long time. My job requires me to be there for the first year with no vacation days off. That sounds wonderful though.

[jevonj77]

Well I know, you have at least 2 days off each week. Right? That's all it takes...for now of course. We all can't afford that two week vacation to Hawaii or wherever...but we can afford to go somewhere close and relax away from the kids. I'm not sure if your wife is also working but if not, one of those days would be a great day to get a baby sitter to handle the child and have a little getaway...jus the two of you.

 

I wouldn't expect much on that day either...but just a day to relax away from all the tension. If this is done for a few weeks in a row...progress might start to build up. Also...you might think of getting a baby sitter sometimes to just let your wife have some alone time without anything special involved. Sometimes when a woman is with their children too much they tend to get into that mommy role where they forget about themselves and only think of the children.

 

So she also needs some alone time to get where she can start to feel sexy about herself again.

[jevonj77]

Also, I have a website that I used to visit a lot that I think is going to help you out a lot. It's link removed .

 

There is a lot of information on this site and you can also have some access to the counselor on there. So you owe to your child and this relationship to get this help and to keep going forward with this positive and very right vision of life.

 

An angry child usually has no father and or mother...and their life is usually already destroyed with one of the absenses of either parent. Of course, we have those single parents that are able to make it happen...but a lot of statistics show how much that basically destroys children. Be there for your kid...he'll thank you later. Of course though, you need to help your self and your wife too.