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The Life of Christopher Allen Brackner


MewSkitty

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He was born premature and due to lack of oxygen, he was also the color blue. The doctors said there was a 90% chance he would be born dead or mentally handycapped. After 3 months in the hospital, he was taken home for the first time. The day he came home, his brother hit him over the head with a toy truck. That was a start of many years of physical abuse from his brother.

 

His parents at the time, Cindy and Fred, where not married. Infact Cindy was a stripper at a club and Fred was one of the DJs. They separated when Chris was 3 years old. A few months later, Cindy married some named Dan, who would mentaly abuse the kids and physicaly abuse their mother. When Chris started school he knew he was different. He always knew everything the teacher was starting to teach, and the other kids never talked to him or played with him. In 1st grade they wanted to bump him up to 2nd grade, but before the paperwork could be finished, him and his parents moved. It seemed thay was always moving. He was never in the same school for more than a year. finally, in 4th grade he was told he needed to take speech tharipy because he wasn't speaking right. He would switch the "f" and "th" noises, sound the "s" noise like "th" and so forth. Also in 4th grade, he became interested in astrophysics. Chris was always great at science. It was the only thing he was good at. All through school no one ever talked to him, but sometimes someone would say "hi" to him and he always responded back with another "hi". He never hit anyone, nor called them names. He loved animals, but his parents would never let him have a pet. His brother had pets, but not him.

 

finally in 2002 Cindy divorced Dan and it was just her and her 2 sons and the daughter she had with Dan. She did her best to provide food for the family, after she spent the money she needed on beer and cigarettes. Chris's bother went to prison a few times so he was glad he was away from him. Chris always had a bad memory, and he was always in trouble for forgetting things.

 

Then, in 2004 when he was 14 years old, he met a girl online named Monica. She was different from everyone else. She said she enjoyed talking to him and stuff. After a few weeks she said she liked him. At that time he didn't like her back, but said he did anyways. Over the next few weeks he began to like her too. When he came back to his mom's after visiting his dad's, he would talk to her on the phone. She had a very wonderful voice. He thought they was doing great together, but then on August 31st 2005 she broke up with him. Saying she liked him as more of a friend then a boyfriend. He was crushed and tried killing himself, but failed, like with everything else in his life.

 

Then he remembered a girl named Jesse he met 4 months earlier online who liked him, and he liked her back. After he got out of the hospital he sent her a letter asking if she'd be his girlfriend and she said yes. Then, 3 months latter he thought he'd play a little joke and perpose to Jesse, just to see what would happen. To his great suprize, she said yes. On December 21st 2005 he became engaged to Jesse.

 

Then, a few days later she wasn't online anymore. He sent letters, but never got a reply. Then, on what he planned to be his last letter, he got an email reply from Jesse saying her mother had added him to her block list and had also kept the other letters from her. He had her back and his life was complete again. Then she told about what happened while they was apart. This guy called Dave would meet her in her school halls and forcefully kiss her and touch her in bad places. She hated it and wished I was there. Chris hated this Dave so much, he felt like killing him.

 

Then in June of 2007 Chris moved to Kansas the the stress of moving to a city after spending his whole life in the country was too much for him. He would fight with anyone over the smallist things, and he faught with Jesse the most. Then after a few months of this, Jesse told Chris that he has been acting very differently the past few months, and because of it she didn't think she loved him anymore. Chris was devistated. He was to worried about how bad he had it he didn't relize he was hurting the only thing he had worth keeping so badly. The shock of what he was doing was enough to fix him though. He was able to control his stress better then ever. Infact, he treated Jesse better than he ever did. He did things for her without her asking. He spent $40 on a movie for her and didn't care he spent so much at all. He wanted to make up for what he did. But it turns out it wasn't enough.

 

On September 17th, as he was talking to Jesse she said she'd be back soon. After over an hour when she came back she said Dave came to the door and they talked. She walked him back to his car and kissed him, and to her it felt right, like it was ment to be. When she told Chris this it felt like an infinite number of solding hot needles had stabbed his heart. He asked her who she wanted to be with. She said she wanted Dave. After over 2 years of being with Chris she dumbed him for the guy who tried to rape her.

 

Chris was heart broken. He didn't want to let her go. But he didn't fight. He loved her, and only wanted her to be happy. He knew this devil made her happier than he did, so he let her go. He let go of the only thing that ever mattered to him, the only thing he had worth fighting for. But he is not sad. He is happy, because soon the pain will be gone. He will finally be what he has always been to everyone: nothing.

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Dear members,

 

The post you have just read is a glimpse into a life that has been lost. Sadly this particular member ended his life on September 18.

 

Christopher A. Brackner went by the screenname MewSkitty on eNotalone. Our information regarding his final moments is limited. And we may not be able to answer your questions with much detail. However it is clear that he was deeply troubled.

 

Here are two newspaper articles which provide some details about what happened.

 

link removed

link removed

 

We have debated among the team about whether to share this with you, however we have decided to go public with this information in the hopes that it will deter someone else from ending their life and thus some purpose may come from this senseless tragedy. We also are aware that his family members have visited this forum and we would like to express our deepest sympathies for their loss.

 

Too often people seem to feel that nobody will miss them or that their life has no meaning and no purpose. It is our hope that by making this information public we can steer people who are hurting in another direction and encourage them to seek help from medical professionals. It does not have to end this way.

 

The post above was his final thread on eNotalone. I did break his post up into paragraphs, but everything else is in his own words.

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Avman,

 

I'm sad to read this, but believe it serves a purpose to show the futility of suicide. He was a gentle, troubled person trying to deal with problems many share. I followed his threads with concern.

 

Many people feel compelled to discount the importance of suicide threats, but this fellow's family must be hurting. This is a sad ending for a sensitive and caring person.

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I forgot to add that there is an ongoing investigation into his death. If anyone has information to provide (emails or notes received, etc) please contact me privately and I will put you in touch with the proper authorities.

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"No man is an island, entire of itself; every

man is a piece of the continent, a part of the

main. ... any man's death diminishes

me, because I am involved in mankind, and

thereforeeee never send to know for whom the bell

tolls; it tolls for thee."

 

John Donne

Devotions upon

Emergent Occasions, no. 17

(Meditation)

1624

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Lord God, source and destiny of our lives, in Your loving providence You gave us Christopher in wisdom, age, and grace. Now You have called him to Yourself. We grieve over the loss of one so young and struggle to understand Your purpose. Draw him to Yourself and give him full stature in Christ. May he stand with all the angels and saints, who know Your love and praise Your saving will. Amen.

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If I may ask, how did you guys tie the newspaper article to this poster and know it was him? I mean I know the names match, but how did you guys find the article?

 

We were contacted by his mother who shared that information with us.

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It is just so heartbreaking when you meet someone so young. yes, I talked to mewskitty a few times also, he seemed to sweet and yes, full of life. I never knew he was hurting so badly he wanted to end things

 

I had a friend, well, more of an acquaintance back in high school. I really admired him, from afar. He was the nicest guy, if you asked him for help with a project, he'd do whatever he could to help you. He was so sweet, and a very cute guy too. He killed himself at 18 or 19, I was so devestated. I wish I had the opportunity to tell him how wonderful he was and how much I admired him, the world needed great guys like him.

 

Mewskitty seemed like such a sweet guy too. I am so sorry he is gone.

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That is so sad. I feel really sorry for him and his family.

I read through some of these posts and....it's....

I never expect anyone posting in the suicide category to actually commit suicide.

I've posted their before, and yes, at the time I was feeling suicidal. But I always assumed people posted under "suicide", people encouraged them and they didn't do it.

Or maybe you take some sleeping pills so you can sleep off the anxiety, depression, and pain.

Maybe not "sleep it off", but at least get a little break from it.

I know sometimes stuff like that doesn't work at all...........I just would have never expected this.

I know that I don't personally know Mew, but this is a community you know? We affect each other.

I can't believe that one minute a person was here typing something and the next minute they are gone...passed away, never to write again.

It's quite sad. I feel really very sorry for him.

You can't help but think, what if I would have read his post? Could I have offered some encouragement?

It's so very sad...to die all alone like that.

I know that life can be unbearable at times, and I honestly believe that sometimes when people commit suicide there is no thought involved.

Not to say that, that is the case in this instance.

But sometimes I believe suicide is a reaction. When it's like, that I refer to it as "waves".

I've experienced that before, when the pain is so great you are blinded by it, and you would reach out and grab anything to make it go away. If you are fortunate, blessed even, you won't have access to anything you can use to harm yourself. It's like a reaction: blinding pain = I'll do anything to make it go away.

It's quite an awful experience and I hope I never have to experience that again.

I wonder what he might have been feeling in those last moments. Was it the "waves"? Was is just sheer hopelessness?

Did he get any treatment? That's the big question!

Was he on anti-depressents? Did he get any kind of therapy? Maybe I should see if that has been mentioned.

It's so important to get help if you need it.

Oh, and the suicide hotline.

If anyone is feeling depressed call that hotline.

There is something about it. You realize you are on the line with a caring stranger, talking about why you want to kill yourself. Something about it just snaps you back into reality. It's helpful.

Anywho, I feel really sorry for Mew, and it's so very sad that he's gone.

Who knows why he did it, but he must have been in an awful lot of pain.

I guess to anyone else I would say, just keep trying to make it. It's just so very sad to know someone is gone.

If you can get your hands on some strong sleeping pills, take the regular amount, lay down, and cry things out. If you need to scream, scream. If you need to break things or curse someone out, do it. Just do everything you can to survive. That has been a lesson that I've had to learn.

It's so very sad to know that someone has killed themself.

Life really sucks, badly, but there are lots of good and happy moments also. It's hard though because he is gone now, and this is not a problem that can be fixed.

He's gone and none of us can help him now, it's so sad.

Imagine if he would have seen this? If he would have seen how many people care about his well-being. I'm sure it would have really touched him and he would have seen his value.

It really sucks.

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