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i striked out again =(

i thought we had great conversation, i just met her in class and we talked through the entire class. then we would walk to the parkin lot and she didn't even have a car. her friend/ride was back on campus but she walked with me to my car anyway. i said she was hot and i asked her out, she said "no" =(

 

i asked why not she asked if i was serious, she thought i was joking, she stood there and continue to make small talk about stuff like my windows were down and how she could break into my car. so i said yeah but you can't drive. im still flirting. but anyway she was still standing around making jokes...

 

1) i asked too soon?

2) she thought i was joking and lack self confidence when i said she was hot? (she did not look happy when i said that)

3) ??

 

should i try again?

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NOOOOOO! Stop disappointing me man, I need some good news here!

 

Hmm...maybe it was because you said she was hot. That's not a very great word. That's a word guys use to tell each other that they think a girl is bangable, it's not very respectful.

 

Also, maybe it made her think that you were focusing on her looks.

 

Next time try something like "I like you, wanna do lunch?" or "You're pretty fun." or something that compliments her on another level.

 

 

Hehe, the ONLY thing I know about girls is not to go after them once they've said no. Bad things happen.

 

Stay friendly though, and try to chat with her and be nice for a week or two, see if she's okay with that. Maybe you can save face.

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Don't try again with the same girl - I think you've blown it there. I think you did take it too fast and also, saying 'you're hot, would you like to go out with me', isn't the right way of going about it. Also, NEVER, EVER, ask a girl why she won't go out with you... that's way too pushy...I'd say, after class, just say 'I'm planning to grab a coffee, do you want to come along?' or something like that. Then take it from there maybe. You're coming on too strong, too quickly.

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Yep, the you're hot line is a big No No!!! You tell your friends that she's hot, you tell her that she's interesting. I personally don't recommend compliments early on, it comes off as you trying to be a people pleaser and shady. Especially compliments based on appearance unless there is somethign specific that sets her apart from everyone else in your eyes but not a general you're hot.

 

Just talk to women and spend more time getting to know them, asking someone out generally isn't a good way to go. Hang out, invite her to go do something but don't put any expectations on it. If it's going well you could get a little more physical, take her hand when you're walking or something like that. Take things one step at a time but don't put any expectation on her to start.

 

So many guys don't understand dating and how to initiate. It's not sposed to be about pressure, it's suppposed to be about fun so focus on just having fun with her.

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well of course not, you just met her, you need too give people time before you ask them even for coffee, plus

 

"your hot want too go out" is a terrible approach........hot women hear that line everyday

 

determination = 10/10

creativity = 0/10

 

wait longer before you ask someone out and be creative and dont say your hot want too go out..........you compliment her everyday and say something like you look awesome today or you look great and when you feel you want too ask her out be creative and say "hey want too go too the movies friday" (yes thats creative) dont mention shes hot.........

 

no you shouldnt try again, just be her friend.

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No, it's because he's not intimidating enough! Work out, shave your head into a hawk, get anchors tattooed on your arms, and wear a spiked leather jacket. Then lay it on thick.

 

Hehe, I've complimented a girls tattoo today, and yesterday a girls windows (on her drawing, of course!) Both seemed to work well.

 

Monday I'm going to tell her I think she has some snazzy shoes.

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No, it's because he's not intimidating enough! Work out, shave your head into a hawk, get anchors tattooed on your arms, and wear a spiked leather jacket. Then lay it on thick.

 

Hehe, I've complimented a girls tattoo today, and yesterday a girls windows (on her drawing, of course!) Both seemed to work well.

 

Monday I'm going to tell her I think she has some snazzy shoes.

 

 

dont forget the spinach and punch a hole in a dudes face..........

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I like your shoes is not an end all compliment. It's one of those things that alot of guys have found to be effective but only if he has a slight fashion sense and she is very interested in fashion. My Fiance loves shoes and she would love that people liked her shoes, my ex didn't care about shoes and if a guy complimented her on them, she would look at him like he was a retard. It's not about the shoes, it's about taking the time to know what she's interested in and letting her know that you think she's interesting because of it and that she's good at it. It's about making her feel special about who she is and what she thinks. I like your shoe's is only good for about 30% of women.

 

Ladies, can I get some feedback on that compliment?

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oh fudge. i majorly screwed up then huh? ok next time "i find you very interesting." got it. i suck .

 

I don't think you should say 'I find you very interesting' either, if you've only just known her. Again, she may wonder... why are you saying that to me when you barely know me? I think the key is, if you compliment a girl, compliment the way she is as a person, or something about her clothes (like the shoes comment - although personally, that would do nothing for me!), but nothing pertaining to the fact that you find her physically attractive, as that's a bit too sexual early on. 'You're pretty' later on is okay, but 'you're hot'.... is well... not.

 

Here are some general suggestions I've picked up from what other people have posted which might be useful to you:

 

-Suggesting the girl comes along with you somewhere with something you were planning to do anyway (or phrase it like you were planning to do it anyway), e.g. 'I'm meeting up with some friends on Friday night at X club, do you want to come?' 'I'm going to see..... X movie (something she is likely to want to see) on Thursday, do you want to come along?' That way, it reduces the embarrassment factor of any rejection for both parties.

-Asking her questions about herself and finding out what she likes - although it sounds like you don't have too many problems with the conversation process, it's just getting to that next stage.

-Never asking a girl why she doesn't want to go out with you - it's one thing to seem interested, but another to be pushy. Rejections should be dealt with as gracefully as possible, so you can at least remain good friends.

-Make sure you're not just going after every single available girl because you desperately want to go out with a girl. There is a danger of being too selective, but sometimes if you're not selective enough you can end up asking out people who really don't have that much in common with you.

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Do yourself a favor and eliminate "hot" from your vocabulary. "Hot" is not a compliment, because it reduces a female's worth to how attractive she is physically vs. who she is as a person. Until you know a girl better, leave the compliments vague and nonthreatening like that dress really brings out your eyes or you look really pretty today.

 

Imho you asked her out a little too soon. If I could rewind time for you, I'd say keep things casual and light. Ask her if she needs a ride somewhere and if she declines, keep things short and say "Okay. Well it was nice talking to you. Hey! Why don't we exchange numbers just in case one of us needs help with the homework?"

 

Basically keep your social interactions with her nonthreatening, and low key. Small talk about class and make a joke or two. No pressure. After you've known each other for a few weeks, that'd be the time to ask her if she wanted to so something specific (like a movie or mini golf.) Notice: No mention of the word date or the phrase would you like to go out sometime?)

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oh fudge. i majorly screwed up then huh? ok next time "i find you very interesting." got it. i suck .

 

yeah you did majorly screw up but guess what?

 

you learn from screw ups......

 

next time be patient, she probaly saw you as desperate..........be easy going get too know her a little bit more, not just one class.........get too know her for about a week or two(more so 2 weeks) then ask her out. just get a feel for her personality and what she likes, compliment her, once you compliment a woman they know your looking too ask them out its just a matter of not messing it up.

 

and for goodness sakes dont say "your hot wanna go out" thats a N0oBie line...........more of a pick up line........something you say too drunk women

 

now if she was drunk you would have had a chance

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It's not about the shoes, it's about taking the time to know what she's interested in and letting her know that you think she's interesting because of it and that she's good at it. It's about making her feel special about who she is and what she thinks.

 

Exactly! I couldn't have said it any better!

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I don't want to keep correcting you but... "I find you very interesting" is over formalized almost like you're TRYING to sound smart or eduacated key word there is TRYING. Dating is about fun not formal.

 

Also, you seem to have lower self esteem so I'm guessing you speak with alot of "I feel", "I think", and "I find's". Don't do that, talk to her for a little while, tell her about a weird hobby of yours I personally love disney moves and I like sailing, then ask her if she has any hobbies and if they are cool then tell her "You're an interesting girl" and don't ask her if she'd like to go out some time, Get on the subject of a movie and if she sounds interested in it, say "We should go catch (Insert movie name) tomorrow" or "There a new mexican restaurant that I've been wanting to try, do you like mexican?" If she says yes then say "Cool well I'm gonna go check it out tonight, you should come" If she says no but she's interested then she'll offer up another suggection like "No but I love chinese" Obviously you say "cool well maybe we can grab some chinese sometime and then wait a few days and take her. When you ask her about the mexican if she just says not really and doesn't leave you anything to work with then it's a lost cause. Hope this helped a little. Work on your confidence!!! You probably walk with a slight slouch and avoid eye contact to some degree, if you do this then start paying attention to it, if not then I'm wrong, just trying to help.

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I don't know... it sounds to me like PTM is pretty damn brave if he approaches girls in this way... so confidence or not, once you try faking the confidence, it's a good start. So, PTM, no matter what goes wrong, the fact that you actually try is pretty damn good. There are a lot of guys and girls on here who won't even try, won't take risks, and get themselves embarrassed once in a while like you do, I think it's pretty admirable that you take that leap and you should be proud of yourself.

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^you give good advice.

 

Thanks, I've been through alot of the same issues, late high school, early college, I think most guys have. Having friends to point those things out to you is HUGE if you're willing ot listen.

 

Exactly! I couldn't have said it any better!

Thanks UV

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I don't know... it sounds to me like PTM is pretty damn brave if he approaches girls in this way...

 

Yeah! Puffy is a champ!

 

Normally I would not compliment shoes. But, I'm sorry, these were particularly awesome. I looked at them long and hard, and they were brand new.

 

Black suede with white checkers, and she was wearing black jeans. It looked really great.

 

Sorry! I'm an artist! I appreciate how they went together.

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Yeah! Puffy is a champ!

 

Normally I would not compliment shoes. But, I'm sorry, these were particularly awesome. I looked at them long and hard, and they were brand new.

 

Black suede with white checkers, and she was wearing black jeans. It looked really great.

 

Sorry! I'm an artist! I appreciate how they went together.

 

LOL! They do sound pretty cool.

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i don't lack confidence =/ this is the 2nd girl i hit on. the first one took me to her room and told me she had a bf. this one walked me to my car all the way to the parking lot when she doesn't drive and then declined. i guess they just really like to talk to me...nothing but talk...maybe im just really fun..in a friendly way. god damn it.

 

add: i just got an email from the first one saying we should meet up so she can help me with 1 line of code. she could have just used that email to help me. why do we need to meet up. she has a bf. omg what is wrong with women?

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Well, I really think it was the "you're hot" comment that lost you this last one.

The term "hot" should be reserved for your guy chats. You need to give a little more time, not be so eager. You're in class with her right (sorry, too lazy to go back and check)? So presumeably you would have had time to get to know her better, and then suggest going somewhere extracurricular.

But for the future- Just say NO to the word "HOT." Terrible terrible terrible. You hate to see it happen to a rookie...

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