Have I reached the destination on my long road to recovery?

[mikeyc]

Hi all,

Firstly - a brief summary of my situation.

I'm a 26 year old fella from England. I've posted several topics on this site over the past 9 months and I think the key phrase to summarise my feelings over that time would be, "there have been highs and there have been lows!"

As you've probably guessed I was dumped by my girlfriend of 2 and a half years, 9 months ago for reasons involving my fear of commitment. When she asked me to marry her, I basically said, "not yet". When she fell pregnant, I said that I wasn't ready for a child and she decided to terminate. However, I did love her dearly and will never forget the times we had together.

My ex started dating a new guy 2 weeks after our breakup and became engaged to him only 4 months after. They are to marry in July. (it still burns when I think about that)

I think I'm nearing the end of my road to recovery but as this is the first time I've ever experienced this I'm not sure when you know you are fully recovered. The first month was probably the worst month of my life - I lost half a stone in weight (and I'm slim anyway), I looked constantly tired, pale and ill. Looking back at photos from that time is quite disturbing. However, as months followed I began to realise it was time to get on with my life. I should add, however that over these 9 months, the worst times were when I had contact with my ex. These moments spurred thoughts and emotions that should have been avoided. It is true what they say, if you still have feelings for your ex and you are trying to get over him/her - DO NOT MAKE CONTACT... Complete seperation is the answer. Sometimes it is very difficult to separate completely. I share the same friends with my ex, even my own brother stays in contact with her and chats to her most days on the internet and sometimes they call each other - it is difficult. My ex has tried to stay in contact with me but I ignore her now. It's best for me... and that's what you should all think in this situation, "what is best for me?"

Straight after my breakup all I could think about were the mistakes I had made and the heartbreak I was feeling, nothing else mattered. As time rolled on, those feelings became less intense, they are still there sometimes, but they are dull and serve only as a lesson in life, a building block in my personality - rather than let the experience break you, use it to build yourself into a stronger person. This may sounds strange but I believe that if you go through your entire life without experiencing the loss of a long term partner through a breakup then you have somehow missed out on a valuable part of life.

I'm not sure about the point of this post - I think I just want to try and help those people just starting on their journey understand that the pain doesn't last forever and there are people out there experiencing the same hurt. If you didn't feel all this hurt, you wouldn't be human! Most importantly, don't let this experience break you, learn from it and use it to build yourself into a better, stronger person!

[Gilgamesh]

Good advice, the important thing is to know, that your not alone, its part of life, learn the lessons so they dont repeat.

 

That period in my life was the worst thing that ever happened to me also. but I dont regret having gone through it, because I am a better person today, my heart has healed, although when I think back at those wonderful times I we shared together, I feel sorrow.

 

But i have met lots of new people, and the future is wide open.

[surfdog]

P.S. we planned on getting married and had a future planned but I kept messing up...we're at the age to marry, me 31 her 27....